[Enshaw]

Hi All,

I finally though of writing down and getting some advice. I got married about 7 months ago. Kind of an arranged marriage. Knew the girl for a month, got attracted and got married. Bizzare I know!! I started facing issues early on - constant complaints of how I am not giving attention to her. We lived in separate time zones for a couple of months, because I was working in different country. I used to not get sleep at all because I had to talk to her after coming from office and she is always free when its 1 AM or 2 AM at my place and I talk to her till like 5 am or so, and then go to office without any sleep. After all this she starts crying and stuff, blocking me from whatsapp, facebook. Telling me I am not calling her like i used to before marriage which was like hardly a month. Then i sent her my call details from my phone account( which had like hours of calls with her) and she was like 'oh.. i dun feel it'. Then theres a lot of disrepectful talk - like really bad name calling , 'you are good for nothing', 'you are ruining my life', 'shameless creature' etc etc. One day i went out with my friends and came late back home. She was with my parents and not alone. She gets along well with everyone except me (which makes me doubt if I am the problem). there was a lot of threats on the call on my drive back home. 'you get home, I will show you, you shameless person'. Whn I got home, I said sorry for coming late and sat silently on the bed. She just jumped up, threw her new iphone(which I gifted her for her birthday) on the floor breaking it. She threw my ipad and broke it and started attacking me. I told her to calm down, and she started lot of insults. I slapped her out of anger asking her to stop( which I regret). That was the worst thing that I did in my life. because I still get attacked all the time and she says 'you slapped me right, i will show you'. Yesterday, she was crying after calling me all names and then i din pay attention. She jumped up and said I am stone hearted because I dint solace her while she was crying.. She hit me on my face(close fist, still hurts) then she called me son of a dog and spat on my face. I just kept silent, shocked! I said to her that you have crossed the line today. she then came and started crying and said sorry. First time she said sorry. She has hit me like 4 times before and scratched my arms making it bleed like numerous times. I have never retaliated except for walking away, but she doesnt let me do that. I am just scared of being around her during these episodes. She is quite normal now and is a very sweet person when she is. But I feel I cant love her wholeheartedly at least soon - because of all those rude words. She says its all my problem and I am making her like this. She says she is like this because I dun give her attention. I do actually, but nothing seems enough for her. I really dont know what to do....

[Skeezyks]

Hello Enshaw: I'm sorry you & your wife are getting off to such a rough start. Realistically I don't know as there is much I can offer you in terms of suggestions. It sounds to me as though some couples counseling is what is called for here possibly along with some individual therapy for one or both of you. Somehow the two of you are going to need to find a way to figure out if this is a marriage the two of you can sustain or if perhaps it was simply a mistake to begin with.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[leejosepho]

I would suggest you run like hell and never look back!

[crimsoncat]

hi, welcome to pc, you have posted in the borderline personality disorder forum do you or your wife have this disorder?.

[FeelingOpaque]

Do you think she has BPD? None of us here are doctors able to diagnose her or give suggestions on what you can do stop her from treating you that poorly.

If yoi havent already, it may be worth, when shes relatively calm yo talk to her about the extremes she goes through and seeing if she recognizes that in herself, if she does, then thats a good start to getting her to see a trained professional that can diagnose her and work out a treatment plan that you could help her to work through if she wants you to.

If that blows up in your face maybe going to a counselor or aomeone yourself and see if you can get tips on how to get her to open up or something of the nature.

Best of luck whatever happens, but you should also take care of yourself, nobody deserves to be treated as you have and continue to be treated that way after you tell them that its unacceptable to you.

[Enshaw]

Originally Posted by crimsoncat

hi, welcome to pc, you have posted in the borderline personality disorder forum do you or your wife have this disorder?.

Yes, I have been looking a lot on google, trying to find as to how I can manage this and i came across BPD. She looks to have most of the traits. I just dont know if any of of the things she is showing is genuine. I booked flight tickets for her to go back to her home. She was like all threats and that she would not visit my family and that she would stay with her friends and that she would have an affair etc etc.. i really dun think she means half of what she says. She says all kind of stuff when she is angry. I just shut down my brain. two days before the date of travel she started cryinga nd saying that she cannot live without me .. and then I cancelled teh tickets and two days later she is back to her rudeness.

Btw, thanks for all the replies guys.