[chris hurts]

Hello everyone. My first time on here.

I have been in a relationship with this woman for 4 years, we are both 40-45 years of age, she has been married 3 times, the longest 8 years to her child's father and the shortest 1 year. I have been married twice, 6 years the first and 7 the second. She has a teen daughter and I have a teen son.

About a year into our relationship she cheated on me, but we worked through it. In the middle of the second year we moved in together and became engaged. A few months after the engagement she cheated again and I moved out. Again, we reconciled, but now, about a year later I know she has been secretly texting/emailing 2 of her ex's before me??????

As I mentioned, we both have a child and I really do care for her's, but she is hot and cold with mine. She comes from a pretty dysfunctional family, she hasn't spoken to her dad in 2 years because of facebook post, she tells me her mother (married 6 times) was never there for her growing up, worked nights a lot and left her home alone at a young age.

A few points on our relationship problems. We have many good days and when they are good it is VERY nice. But, on more than one occasion we may have a plan to do something one afternoon, during the course of the day something comes up on my end and I will call to her. She would be in a good mood, but as soon as I tell her something came up and we need to re-plan, her mood changes. She will say ok, but then when we get off the phone I will get a text from her saying something like this, "well maybe you should just always do something with so and so!!! Don't call me anymore today!!"

Gets jealous/confrontational when another woman, even a family friend text me, but if another male text her and I say anything she gets mad at me. Two years ago, valentines day was during the work week, we exchanged cards, I got her flowers and we went out to eat. The actual valentines day was that weekend, Sunday. We didn't have the kids and around lunch time she said we needed to clean house. Okay I said. So, about an hour later I am in the bathroom cleaning the tub, sinks, etc and she just leaves.?.? Comes back a couple of hours later all upset and ask why I haven't taken her somewhere today since it was valentines!!! I told her I didn't know you wanted to, you said we should clean house. Her reply was, "I didn't mean all day!!"

As I said earlier, we both have a teenage child from other relationship. I would take her's to school in the mornings because it saved her some driving time as she worked out of town. my child happens to live in the town where she works. It was my weekend to have him and she offered to pick him up on her way home, usually he likes me to do this because I don't see him but every other weekend. Anyway, she offered and I said sure, I have a busy day at work planned. Later in the day my mom, my son's grandmother, called and said she didn't have a lot planned could she go pick him up? I said I don't see a problem with that, I will let "her" know. So I call her and tell her my mom wanted to pick him up and she said, after a long pause, "that's fine". Are you sure I asked? Sure she said. A few minutes later I get a text that said, "your mother can just pick him up everyday and don't bother taking my child to school anymore, I will do it"!!

And I cant describe the conflict that comes up when I mention doing something with my family!! Even on the "BIG" holidays, but just a cookout or birthday party

She is also on her 4 job in 4 years.

Could she have BPD or something else????

[Skeezyks]

Hello chris: I'm sorry I cannot comment with regard to your friend's possible mental health status. But I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Rose76]

What difference does it make? "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." (Crap by any other name would stink as bad.) Clearly, what you describe is crappy behavior. Whatever else she might be, she's obviously immature and likes to take offence where none is intended.

Leave the diagnosing to diagnosticians. Ask yourself if the good days make it worth your while to put up with the bad days. Ask yourself how you could most effectively respond to her being unreasonable.

[Bill3]

I think it is of interest to have a diagnosis because that would indicate what sort of treatment might be helpful.

Based on what you said, i think bpd is quite a reasonable suggestion.

To what extent that does she (or would she) receive treatment?

[crimsoncat]

I agree with bill