[Woodbridge105]

I was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago, though I am sure I have had it longer. I experience symptoms such as: outbursts, yelling, crying, throwing things, violence, causing scenes in public, etc etc. My husband/family say they understand but they dont. I am miserable because I cant thoroughly explain what triggers me, what causes these outbursts. I have tried therapy, medicine, DBT, but the symptoms are persistent. I need advice on how to keep going, how to feel better, how to save my relationship

[Skeezyks]

Hello Woodbridge: I'm sorry I probably don't have the answer for you. I've never been diagnosed as having BPD. But it has occurred to me it might have been possible to have been diagnosed with it when I was young. (I've been told BPD tends to burn itself out as one ages.) However, under any circumstances, I am certainly familiar with the problem of outbursts.

Where I particularly still get into trouble occasionally is if I make a mistake doing something I think I should know how to do. I can just come unglued in an instant. (By the way, I've also done the med's & tried individual therapy. I've never done CBT or DBT.) Whenever I have one of my outbursts, I can see it coming & recognize what's happening while I'm in the midst of it. But somehow I can't seem to stop it. And after it's all over with I feel thoroughly defeated & embarrassed. I vow I'll never do it again. But, of course, I do... In a way it's kind-of like there's a storm raging within & on these occasions when something goes array, it bursts out into the open.

From my perspective, there is no simple answer to any of this. I wish there were. What it has come down to for me is simply to try to eliminate the source of my outbursts by quelling the storm that rages within through the use of such things such things as meditation & doing yoga (except that I just strained the muscles in my low back a couple of days ago so now I can't do it) as well as studying & trying to apply various spiritual teachings. I'm personally drawn to the Buddhist teachings as presented in the writings of such people as the American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön & Thich Nhat Hanh. But I've also been greatly influenced by Jon Kabat-Zinn & Parker J. Palmer. Of course there are many other fine writers / teachers out there as well. These just happen to be the ones I've come to rely on.

But I think the point here is that there simply are no real firm answers. At least from my perspective it's like the saying about enlightenment being a journey not a destination. I think one has to accept that "finding another way" is a gradual step-by-step process. One has to find someone, or something (such as a spiritual path or a self-development program) one can believe in & then follow it. Over time it can lead one to places one might have never thought they could go. I wish you well...