I can't control myself and i hate it :(

Things had been going great recently. Like really great. Life was just going my way, everything was going well...

But the last week or so has been horrible.

I could just be sitting in my room and suddenly i would break down in tears. Nothing happened to me i would just break down. Then i will stop for about 10 minutes and then i will start crying again. But it's not sadness kind of crying it's just, emptiness kind of crying.

Anger just overtakes me at times. Like i got really angry at my mom just because she asked me a question. My dad told me that she was really upset about it as well and i feel really guilty.

Now I've also been falling for people super easily. Two guys from my school started snap chatting me and being friendly and immediately i fell for them...BOTH. Just because they were talking to me Just because they were paying me attention. One of the boys, Ollie, started talking to this girl called Caitie and i got really pissed because he was "mine". I saw them walking from school and i was behind them and i immediately started texting Ollie, so he would pay attention to me and not her...I'm an awful human being i know...
I also fell for one of the teachers at my school because he was just nice to me, and payed attention to me. I would try hard in his lessons just to get his attention and to impress him. Ugh i hate this so much! Just writing this makes me feel disgusting.

There have been times over this last week when i felt like this week wasn't really happening. Like all of this week was a dream. I ha thoughts of doing stupid things just because i didn't think it would matter as nothing seemed real. But as i thought those things it would be like i was brought back into reality, and i remembered all the things i was thinking of would affect me and the people around me. This especially happened in an exam. Everything was fine, i was concentrating fine, not stressed or anything because i could do it. Then this dream thing happened, my concentration just left, and i never finished the exam because i just couldn't concentrate.

The final thing i'm going to mention is that my friends have started taking a while to reply to my texts...and guess what? I always think the worst. "she hates me", "i did something wrong, why else would she be ignoring me?" but then my rational side is telling me that it's fine. They're just busy with studying. My friend just told me that she couldn't go to prom and instantly i thought "she doesn't want to be near me that's why."

Just so much has happened, and i thought i would document it here. Has anyone else had similar experiences to me?

Yes, I experienced similarly to you during my studying period.

It's alright to cry it out and get angry because we need an outlet to vent. As a human, it's natural that we desire acceptance for who we are, and we can feel disgust and shame when we are not desired.

However, is this how you want your life to cycle around? Do you want us to show you how to keep these emotions in control?


It sounds cliche, but I have to say this, "Instead of being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind it"

And you have a very witty username

I feel you, I really do. The thing about crying a lot without any reasons. And it's really the empty kind och crying. Like I can lay in bed just stare up at the ceiling, not knowing what I am doing here or why I am even here. And then the tears just come. The struggle is a daily battle I assume?

Hugs!!