[Ms.Lizette]

I feel completely destroyed, don't know what to do with myself.

yesterday I lost it and came in to an ER unit after having a major crisis where the Police had to get me since I was feeling so bad (TW suicidal).

I have been seeing my psychologist for 2 months in a special unit for BPD. Even though it is a hard therapy and I struggle a lot, I absolutely adore my therapist and connect with him a lot, I have worked like mad to trust him,encouraged by him saying "you can trust me", "I will not go anywhere", "you have to give me a chance".

Well turns out the head doctor decided after yesterday's incident that I too sick for what they can offer, so they are transferring me to another unit where I can get more help.

I was sitting here in my room at the ER writing a letter to my therapist thanking him for being there for me when he came in and told me the news: that even though he fought for me, the head doctor said they couldn't take more responsibility for a patient as unstable as me.

I can't express how bad I feel. I feel I can't after 2 months of intensive therapy start OVER AGAIN. I posted the other day about how many therapists I already had, and now A NEW ONE?

I am extremely hurt and mad and sad I am under enormous stress, getting married in 2 weeks and now the are taking away my therapist cold turkey and expect me to open up to a new one???????

I am completely destroyed. I can't deal with this.

[Lonlin3zz]

That's so bloody irresponsible and unprofessional!

What the hell man

[Ms.Lizette]

Yes. It is incredibly unfair and unacceptable. I told them I refuse the other treatment. I will not start over again.

I give up treatment from this point, can't ever trust this again.

I will forever miss my therapist and have a big wound about this.

They just ****ed me up even more.

[subtle lights]

Wait, this sounds really ****ed up. So is the therapist who has decided that he cannot continue the program? Or someone else?
And what is that they are offering instead?
I believe they should be offering something else at least.
Or maybe something else/ inpatient until you're more stable and then you could continue with the original one? Isn't that plausible? That would at least make sense.

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's understandable that you're hurting.

[Pastel Kitten]

That's ridiculous! And how can a BPD focused unit transfer a patient due to being unstable? BPD patients tend to have very suicidal periods and these "professionals" should recognize that and HELP so that you ARE stable.

I'm really sorry you're being treated this way, but just know that you are not beyond help and many of us here have been in the same boat, myself included.

I am so, so sorry this has happened to you.

[Ms.Lizette]

My therapist has now ended the therapy officially. I felt too bad (yeah) for them to treat me.

It was absolutely hell and I cried for hours yesterday when he told me this but in a weird way I am coping with it. Maybe because I am still in the hospital and "safe"in that way.

They will write a referral to another department of the system where they treat more unstable borderline patients.

I just wished they had not done this 10 days before my wedding I am not really angry at my therapist because his hands were tied. But I do feel their concern is NOT my safety, as they claim. They wouldn't leave me without treatment until the next place is ready (like in 2 months or so) if they really cared.........How ending therapy cold turkey after a crisis is helping someone with borderline is simply impossible for me to understand. They claim they change treatment to help me get better help but now they leave me completely alone for a couple of months. This is not caring about my safety in any way.

Anyway, I will be in an open ward after this closed ward where I am now, and after that I'm on my own until the next place.

I know it is very "borderline" but somehow I am feeling **** them anyway. I loved my psychologist and my team the other day and now I feel just like whatever

They can't blame me for not knowing how to trust after this kind of thing. Or for changing from love to "hate".

Feeling so detached from this somehow.

I don't know if it is good or bad but w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r

[Fuzzybear]

These "professionals" make me sick

And bear vomit is not pretty

Ms. Lizette, I'm with Fuzzybear. So many hugs to you.

[HD7970GHZ]

Ms. Lizette,

I can relate 100%. Been there, I think a lot of us have. You are a very strong person and I have to hand it to you - you have survived despite your worst fear coming true. The good news is - your therapist did not give up on you. He tried to make things right and unfortunately, yes, the healthcare system is FAR from perfect. Perhaps you can make note of what went wrong in your treatment modality and point out the flaw in the system to advocacy or complaint lines so that they can prevent it from happening to others in the future.

I think you need to re-evaluate what it is you are looking for. In my opinion, the only way you can move forward is with someone who will be there with you through thick and thin. Perhaps - and I say this lightly with awareness and empathy for your recent therapists departure - but perhaps this new form of treatment IS exactly what you are looking for. Perhaps it will allow you to work with someone through thick and thin, which is what you need from what I have read... Perhaps they are trying to help you and this is your chance.

Keep an open mind, take it one step at a time and realize that what you went through is the worst thing that can happen to someone like us... And you survived. Again. If anything - and I hate saying this - it is practice to learn to tolerate with our worst fears. How many people can honestly say they ever get the chance to face their fears head on?

Please look after yourself,
This too shall pass,
Hd7970ghz

[Ms.Lizette]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Ms. Lizette,

I can relate 100%. Been there, I think a lot of us have. You are a very strong person and I have to hand it to you - you have survived despite your worst fear coming true. The good news is - your therapist did not give up on you. He tried to make things right and unfortunately, yes, the healthcare system is FAR from perfect. Perhaps you can make note of what went wrong in your treatment modality and point out the flaw in the system to advocacy or complaint lines so that they can prevent it from happening to others in the future.

I think you need to re-evaluate what it is you are looking for. In my opinion, the only way you can move forward is with someone who will be there with you through thick and thin. Perhaps - and I say this lightly with awareness and empathy for your recent therapists departure - but perhaps this new form of treatment IS exactly what you are looking for. Perhaps it will allow you to work with someone through thick and thin, which is what you need from what I have read... Perhaps they are trying to help you and this is your chance.

Keep an open mind, take it one step at a time and realize that what you went through is the worst thing that can happen to someone like us... And you survived. Again. If anything - and I hate saying this - it is practice to learn to tolerate with our worst fears. How many people can honestly say they ever get the chance to face their fears head on?

Please look after yourself,
This too shall pass,
Hd7970ghz

Thanks
I have indeed survived, and I am actually thinking it was for the best, as you point out. Now I just have to deal with the agony to trust again-and start over.

I have written a letter about what I think went wrong in the process and will hand it in to the hospital. I believed they could save people lots of suffering if they had made the rules of treatment with them clear from the get go.

Hugs