[featheredodachi]

I just want to know if there's any hope or not... But I know the chances are slim. I'm a monster. I destroy relationships. That's just how I be. I burn everything I touch.

[TishaBuv]

You can do anything you put your mind to doing. There is hope. There are people with BPD who may struggle, but are capable. Keep trying and be kind to yourself.

[RoxanneToto]

I don’t think it’s impossible. Everyone struggles in relationships at times, but learning to understand how it affects you might help.

[playdate]

Yes we can, it's hard, and I have pretty mild BPD, most of my symptoms are caused by CPTSD, but I was in an amazing 5-year relationship that ended simply because we fell out of love, and we are still very close friends, you just need to find someone very caring and understanding. but its definitely possible.

[MsLady]

I'm in a relationship with someone with characteristics of both BPD and NDP and we've been together for almost 7 years.

It's not been easy at all. In fact, it's been my worst relationship so far because of how his deep seated insecurities has damaged my self-worth, security, and reputation.

My advice to you is to work on these behaviors with a professional and use this need to be in a healthy relationship to be your motivation.

[luxetnox]

Yes!

I was with someone with BPD for 9 years and we are still very good friends. They had a therapist tell them once that they'll "never have a long-term relationship" - I think that's really messed up, wrong and harmful (rant about "experts" below).

Anyway, we decided to end our romantic relationship not because of their BPD, or any lack of love, but because of external economic factors and the fact that we became very co-dependent (I have ADHD, and this is a very common pattern for us). I needed to stand on my own two feet because of how my mental health affected me and my ability to be a good partner, drove me into shame/guilt spirals and that's not good for intimacy.

My partner didn't have access to any adequate support or resources for BPD other than the internet. They used it to learn more about it so they could recognise the way it manifests, which helped them manage the symptoms. Medication helped too. We also read that for some people, symptoms lessen in their 30s due to a sort of emotional developmental delay - and this was true for us.

I want to validate that BPD is really difficult for the person suffering from it. Not only the symptoms themselves, but how it is perceived or talked about, even by some "experts".

Please try to remember that experts are not always free from bias and a lot of the information about BPD out there I would personally consider very harmful.

I use a rule of thumb: if information is not presented in a neutral or compassionate way, it is suspect. I am not interested in psychiatry that demonises vulnerable people or puts them down. We know far too little about the brain and mental illness to make definitive statements like this also. It's just discrimination.

I would also recommend googling "BPD gifts" or "BPD positives" - they do exist! You are a human being worthy of love and happiness, so try to seek out the things that help you heal, not the ones that put you down.

[ReveuseTroublee]

Originally Posted by featheredodachi

I just want to know if there's any hope or not... But I know the chances are slim. I'm a monster. I destroy relationships. That's just how I be. I burn everything I touch.

Never let any kind of disorder limit you as much as that is possible. I know lots of people who are married and have children + a BPD diagnosis.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by featheredodachi

I just want to know if there's any hope or not... But I know the chances are slim. I'm a monster. I destroy relationships. That's just how I be. I burn everything I touch.

If it is you who ‘destroys relationships’, you can learn skills to stop sabotaging yourself.

In my experience, it was the other person who destroyed the relationship and it hurt me incredibly deeply. It wasn’t my doing, it was theirs!

I have had long term intimate relationships, but my marriage is terribly rocky. I can’t say it’s solely me with a disorder, when it’s them being hurtful and unreasonable. My expectations were completely healthy and reasonable.

I got a diagnosis due to my extremely emotional reaction to others’ hurtful behavior toward me.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

If it is you who ‘destroys relationships’, you can learn skills to stop sabotaging yourself.

In my experience, it was the other person who destroyed the relationship and it hurt me incredibly deeply. It wasn’t my doing, it was theirs!

I have had long term intimate relationships, but my marriage is terribly rocky. I can’t say it’s solely me with a disorder, when it’s them being hurtful and unreasonable. My expectations were completely healthy and reasonable.

I got a diagnosis due to my extremely emotional reaction to others’ hurtful behavior toward me.

So true. You don't have to have BPD to destroy relationships.

Originally Posted by luxetnox

Yes!

I was with someone with BPD for 9 years and we are still very good friends. They had a therapist tell them once that they'll "never have a long-term relationship" - I think that's really messed up, wrong and harmful (rant about "experts" below).

Anyway, we decided to end our romantic relationship not because of their BPD, or any lack of love, but because of external economic factors and the fact that we became very co-dependent (I have ADHD, and this is a very common pattern for us). I needed to stand on my own two feet because of how my mental health affected me and my ability to be a good partner, drove me into shame/guilt spirals and that's not good for intimacy.

My partner didn't have access to any adequate support or resources for BPD other than the internet. They used it to learn more about it so they could recognise the way it manifests, which helped them manage the symptoms. Medication helped too. We also read that for some people, symptoms lessen in their 30s due to a sort of emotional developmental delay - and this was true for us.

I want to validate that BPD is really difficult for the person suffering from it. Not only the symptoms themselves, but how it is perceived or talked about, even by some "experts".

Please try to remember that experts are not always free from bias and a lot of the information about BPD out there I would personally consider very harmful.

I use a rule of thumb: if information is not presented in a neutral or compassionate way, it is suspect. I am not interested in psychiatry that demonises vulnerable people or puts them down. We know far too little about the brain and mental illness to make definitive statements like this also. It's just discrimination.

I would also recommend googling "BPD gifts" or "BPD positives" - they do exist! You are a human being worthy of love and happiness, so try to seek out the things that help you heal, not the ones that put you down.

Excellent advice!

I'd like to add that there's over 200 ways to have BPD, and it should not be presumed that we are all the same, with the same types of symptoms and tendencies.

[Unrigged64072835]

I have been married for 10 years. It helps that my spouse is willing to listen and support me when my emotions are raw, but not try to "fix" me. He also knows when he's not the right person to help.

We've both had traumatic experiences as kids and as adults, so he understands when things come up for me, and vice versa.


I've had a lot of relationships that blew up because of my BPD symptoms. For me it helps to know that "falling in love" is highly addictive, and I needed to start relationships off as friendships first.

[TishaBuv]

Lutenox: “They had a therapist tell them once that they'll "never have a long-term relationship" - I think that's really messed up, wrong and harmful (rant about "experts" below).”

^The therapist said they’d NEVER have a long-term relationship. One of mine said “You probably NEVER would have gotten along with anybody”. Shish, talk about black and white thinking! That was on the part of the THERAPIST and not on the person allegedly with BPD!

[RoxanneToto]

I can sympathise though, with the feeling that you sabotage your relationships. It feels the same way for me, except I came to the realisation I’m happier being single than part of a couple. It’s my weak-feeling family ties that are bothering me more, currently. I’d like to find a way of feeling closer and more connected to them, especially when/if I manage to find my own place and move out of my parents house.

[dancinglady]

I am 70 years old and I have no relationships.
I have been in therapy since I was 31. I just stay by myself.

Martha Lineham founder of DBT has only professional and dog relationships so I guess everyone is told to run as far as possible away from us.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

I am 70 years old and I have no relationships.
I have been in therapy since I was 31. I just stay by myself.

Martha Lineham founder of DBT has only professional and dog relationships so I guess everyone is told to run as far as possible away from us.

I knew that Marsha Linehan said she had BPD and recovered. I did not know she had no interpersonal relationships! That’s interesting information. Thanks! This gave me a chuckle.

[dancinglady]

Yes one of my therapists trained under her. She is liked by her students and patients (professionals) and they could tell when she would get dolled up to go to an interpersonal interaction. Of course, she came back empty handed. I think she recovered some of the symptoms but I don’t think interpersonal relationships was one of them.

[-Astral-]

i have been married to my partner for 15 years coming up in March 17 years ago we started to go out , he only came up for the week and never left lol . i have BPD along with other mental health issues

[mountainstream]

Some are. Unless the diagnosis is wrong. It is confusing to me. I think this is quite frequently a wrong diagnosis.

[tch214]

currently have lost all hope

[AliceKate]

A friend of a friend has BPD. She has had several very long-term relationships. She also had many years of therapy, so maybe that helped

I have had relationships in the past, the last one crashed and burned cause he was mentally abusive and caused my then-very-mild symptoms to get to the point that i can never be in relationships ever again

[LolaCabanna]

Yes I was married for 22 years ….

[Calla lily12]

I have BPD and I've been happily married for 44 years! It is very possible!

[Psychochick]

I don't think people with BPD are "monsters". Most of us have had difficulties in our lives, and apparently we have more trouble controlling our emotions than most people do. Sure, it can cause interpersonal problems, but so can many things. It doesn't make someone "bad".

I definitely believe that a person with BPD can have long-term, successful relationships. It depends mostly on the individual and their personal experiences. I've personally been in several relationships that lasted for quite some time, although I wouldn't call them great successes. Still, that applies to a lot of people with or without a diagnosis.

Now, I am pretty much a hermit, but it's only partly due to BPD. I just find it too difficult to socialize for a lot of reasons, plus I'm out of practice lol. It's just me and my kitty.

Sending you hugs.