[Polarwolfbear]

brief history: diagnoses BPD 7 years ago. Had what people thought was depression since I was 7. Self-harm, suicide attempts, abusive relationships etc etc, I'm transgender too.

I've been trying to be a freelance photographer, this is the most recent in a long line of possible jobs and aspirations, but I really wanna stick to this one, I am really good at it. I have never been good at getting or keeping jobs. Haven't had a proper job in my whole adult life.

I know treatment would help, and have had treatment (CBT, DBT, counselling, various antidepressants TCAs SRRIs), but because of precariousness of life nothing has been consistent. I have moved house hundreds of times, homelessness, van living, squats etc.

Basically my problem is I know what I need to do to get my **** together, but my personality gets in the way. I get demotivated and distracted. I go through depressions where I don't wanna clean or leave the house. Bills pile up. I miss doctors appointments, I forget to get tests I need, I don't eat properly, or eat wrongly. So the work just falls by the way side.

What steps should I do to keep it together, get things moving. How to a get support for my career? is there people that can help me?

I am educated, I can work hard , I have a masters in Media studies and have won a couple of photographic competitions (I also paid for the masters myself and worked through out.. waiting tables and being a taxi driver),. I CAN really work hard, when I have the help of a college or an institution to guide me and inspire me, but by myself I just ruin everything, I just become a bum.

Any advice?

I understand how supportive being part of an educational institution can be. Have you thought about working as a warden either in a university or supported living, or a bursar or equivalent in a boarding school? That would give you the infrastructure and income while you follow your dream of photography.

[Polarwolfbear]

Well I don't know anything about being a warden or bursar, don't you need experience and qualifications for that?

[TishaBuv]

One thing that really helps me stay organized and on track is the calendar on my ipad. I instantly put appointments in it, and I check it every morning. If it’s on that calendar, I won’t miss it.