[couvade]

I've literally just signed up to this website just now because I'm at such a loss on what to do and Googles not showing anything.

Basically, my boyfriend (M22) and I (F21) have been together for almost two years. Lately, I've been really really jealous of him spending time with his friends and I really have no idea why I get so upset. It's like a delusional type of jealous, in that I don't really have any reason to be jealous. I know this is a common symptom of BPD (I also have Bipolar) but I've seen nothing about being mad at same-gender friends.

My bf often sees his friends a lot. He goes to the gym with one specific friend every day and this kinda winds me up because I only get to see my bf usually once or twice a week, tops. He works a 9-5 and I waitress in the evenings and weekends so I rarely get to see him regularly. The issue is, I find myself getting insanely jealous of this one specific friend because my bf sees him literally *every* single day, for at least a few hours. They go to the gym, they go out drinking and they hang out at each other's homes.

Now, the issue here is, I've never met any of my bf's friends. Even the one he spends the most time with. He's met all of mine but he refuses to let me meet his. I have no idea why considering ALL of his friends have long-term girlfriends and they tag along too. But I've never been asked (allowed) to. Am I right to be slightly concerned about this? I feel as though he's embarrassed by me.

A problem arose this morning and caused an attitude because I had an episode of anger/sadness and really took it out on him. He texts me earlier to say that he was really mad at me and didn't want to see me for the next few days. We've literally just (as in, this morning) booked a week long holiday to Los Angeles next month.

The problem was that we woke up at around 9am, together, then at 9:30am he blurts out that he's going to the gym with his friend. 11am he comes home, then says I have to leave his house because he's going to watch a match with the friend. I go home, upset, and then receive a text saying "I'm going out for drinks with him and spending the evening with him".

This is only after he told me that he wanted to spend the entire day/weekend with me. He canceled on me the other day because he wanted to see this friend instead.

So do I have a reason to be jealous of this one specific friend? Even though there is no sexual connotations between the two? Am I right to be feeling a bit jealous or am I completely overreacting? It's causing so much tension.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

If my boyfriend spent every single day with other people, and even cancelled on me to meet others, I'd be upset too. Or jealous. It doesn't matter whether there is anything sexual or anything going on, jealousy can happen in other situations too.

I don't think this means anything like that you have BPD, if that helps. Almost anyone would be upset in your situation. Of course people want to spend time with their friends and so on. But going out every day with others, cancelling and going out on an evening where you do not work is not really something I'd understand...

The point that would bother me the most is that you are not allowed to meet his friends. It doesn't matter whether they have girlfriends or not. Why are you not allowed to meet them? I understand that sometimes it is hard to introduce someone with a mental issue to friends, but after two years in a commited relationship, he should be able to handle that.

Have you ever tried talking to him about this, while you are calm, and he is too? Does he know it bothers you that he spends way more time with others than with you? Do you know his side of the story? If not, I'd start there, and try to find some middle ground

[Skeezyks]

Hello couvade: My personal opinion (based on what you wrote) is that there is something wrong with this relationship. And it has nothing to do with BPD or BP or anything like that. To my way of thinking there are all sorts of red flags here. Perhaps it's simply a matter of immaturity on the part of your bf. But it could also be something deeper it seems to me.

I don't know how committed you are to this relationship, of course. But my suggestion would be to take a good hard look at what's going on here & consider how much of this you want to continue to put up with & for how long. If by some chance you see a therapist this might be excellent fodder for discussion. If you don't currently see one perhaps now is the time.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!