[MoxieDoxie]

So I asked my ex-T if I can finally say I no longer meet the criteria for BPD and all he could say was "You come a long way". Sorry but I feel do not display symptoms of BPD anymore.

So then I asked my trauma/EMDR therapist I have been seeing for about 11 weeks. All he could say was, "I would encourage you not to identify with anything but to figure out a way to take away its power. If you meet some of the criteria some of the time, think of some ways to take away its power."

Why can't I have a have a response that says "no if you walked into my office without me knowing a prior diagnosis I would not diagnosis you with BPD?"

[MoxieDoxie]

So my T said this to me in a message:

BPD is never something you could slap on, its a far more complicated diagnosis. Its not a brain "thing" like anxiety, its a heart "thing". In its essence, BPD is really a defense mechanism from trauma. It creates a personality that keeps people around you off balance so that the person who is hurt can keep people at bay or keep people close when they feel vulnerable. Often times the "whole" person never has BPD. A part of a person might have BPD when they feel vulnerable but lots of other parts simply move along just fine.

[Deejay14]

So how do you feel about that, MD?

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by Deejay14

So how do you feel about that, MD?

Funny.....

[MoxieDoxie]

This is where my symptoms stand at this time:

Lack of trust makes sense when caretakers were not trustworthy(People need to earn my trust. I just do not trust)
Fear of abandonment makes sense when you were abandoned (I do not think I have this fear anymore)
Difficulty with affect tolerance and impulse control make sense when you grew up with people who did not soothe and nurture you (Not a problem for me now)
Confusion about self and identity make sense when you grow up with people who do not see you (struggled with this up until 3 years ago)
Self-abuse make sense when you have internalized an abusive parent, when you needed to blame yourself in order to preserve some semblance of a connection to that parent (This is reduced)
Hopelessness and helplessness make sense when you really did have no way out (This waxes an wains depending on what part is activated)
Isolating and “disappearing” make sense when it was the only way to survive being alone with overwhelming emotions (This to comes in cycles again with parts activated)


•More likely to respond to emotions with fear and shame (yes ok this is still me)
•A greater tendency to avoid emotions (Do that too)
•More problems controlling impulsive behaviors when experiencing distress (I have more control now)
•More likely to feel that they don't have effective ways of managing their emotions (Not sure about this one)

Fluctuation between anger, anxiety, depression (Well that depends on what parts are activated)
Temperamental sensitivity to emotive stimuli (Yes)
Feelings of lack of identity (I struggled with this my entire life)
Sensitivity and strong reactions to perceived criticism (Sends me into a emotional flashback triggered state and still does)
Propensity to have love/hate relationships with others as they tend to often feel unfounded rejection (Still struggle)
Rapid self-image changes from almost narcissistic to having no self worth at all (Parts jumping in and out is what causes this for me)

Deliberate manipulative behavior (I would not call it manipulative. I call it getting my needs met)
Extreme inner pain and turmoil (This calmed down but it is that exile part that causes this)
Defensive reactions (This was me. I was a nasty ***** to people. Real quick bitting reaction. No friends over the past 50 years of my life. No one could stand me and I could not trust anyone)

Identity: Unstable self-image with excessive self-criticism (Im good with this I think)
Self-direction: Instability in goals or career plans (That was me until I started my personal training. This cause me so much grief for years.)
Empathy: Prone to feel slighted or insulted even when not true (Still me)
Intimacy: Relationships marked by mistrust, neediness, and preoccupation with real or imagined abandonment (umm....not sure)
Emotional liability: Unstable emotional experiences and frequent mood changes (those awful mood swings has stabilized)
Anxiousness: Intense feelings of panic, feeling fearful, fears of falling apart or losing control (Not anymore)
Separation Insecurity: Fears of rejection or separation from significant others (Im good I think)
Depressivity: Miserable, hopeless, thoughts of suicide and suicidal behavior (Yes that still comes on)
Impulsivity: Acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes (no and was never me)
Risk Taking: Engagement in dangerous, risky and self-damaging activities (No was never me)
Hostility: Anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults (Yes was always me but I think I calmed down now)

[PsychoPhil]

For me it's not that important if I have borderline personality symptoms below or above the disorder threshold, if any such clear boundary even exists. What counts for me is whether the combination of typical behaviors associated with the diagnosis helps me identify areas for personal growth, and whether recommended therapies allow me to make progress.

For an analogy, a person with one diopter shortsightedness can orientate herself and may, at the limit, still be functional enough to drive car without glasses and accidents. Yet, the slightly shortsighted person can noticeably improve his quality of life by accepting her condition and getting glasses or contact lenses.

[MoxieDoxie]

Ha! T1 said if I walked in the office without him knowing I was diagnosed with BPD/Complex PTSD he could say with certainty that, from what he has seen, I do not meet the criteria for BPD but the Complex PTSD on the other had he could not say that.

He also said that the DSM thing has for depression a recovery stage for Depression but they do not have it for the personality disorders so I can at least say I am in remission or recovery from the BPD.

[unaluna]

Thank you for all the work and honesty you put into this thread. Your comments make it easier for me to check myself against each item. I would say that in general, those two traits - hard work and honesty - shine thru in your posts and mitigate any BPD.

[MoxieDoxie]

Did I miss any symptoms? Object constancy. I still have issues with that as it appears with my T.

Definition:

Lack of Object Constancy - An inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for sharing MoxieDoxie