[meridith.reade]

i sometimes hate the person i love for having loved other people before me. Its like a protective reaction. just knowing they can love others and leave me. I know its not realistic. I just have a hard time processing this conundrum. I love him why does hating him feel safer than trusting him?

[Misssy2]

Try to remember he is with you now and there is a reason why it didn't work out for him and the other people. How long have you been together?

Don't add drama to your relationship or you will soon be someone in his past.

I think we do this...hate them to feel safer..cause we are protecting ourselves from being hurt.

Instead of protecting yourself..value yourself..realize he picked you for some reason and at this moment it is you that he loves. Try to embrace YOURSELF and love yourself...confidence is always a turn on.

Ideally we do these things (love ourselves and develop confidence) before entering a relationship. But since you are in a relationship already...realize that you having confidence that you are worthy of trust and love...will make you more appealing.

And the longer you are in this relationship the more secure you should feel.

Your scared of being hurt. Develop the attitude that if you are "hurt" than it wasn't meant to be...I don't think this has to do with borderline as much as it has to do with your self esteem.

Build your self esteem, realize there is one you and you are currently special in a way that his past loves were not..but you can wreck that by coming across as weak and needy. Get strong and love yourself.

[Skeezyks]

Well... this isn't strictly a BPD trait. Here's a link to an article, from PsychCentral's archives, that discusses this concern:

Don't Ask Your Partner to Erase the Past

[Fuzzybear]

Maybe it’s a new relationship and you’re feeling insecure. It takes time to feel secure in a relationship.

[ShadowGX]

Hating him feels safer because you get the control over the negativity in the relationship. If you love him, you can't control if he doesn't feel the same or stops. I hope that doesn't make you panic, but you asked, so there's the answer.

Try your best to focus on the reality of it though. I know, it's very hard to do and I struggle with this a lot myself. Sure, he could leave, but that doesn't mean he's going to. He could stay. He could be there for the rest of your life. If you hate him and run away from him though, you will never know. You have to try to give it a fair chance by grounding yourself in reality as much as possible. It will get easier with practice, but it may take a lot of practice and effort. Please don't give up!

[*Laurie*]

This is highly variable. If the person you're with frequently brings up previous relationships, or if the person you're with often compares you to ex'es, well, sure you're going to feel resentful and insecure. Who wouldn't?