BPD system or just sexual frustration?

Hello,

I identify as a gay woman. Lately I've been a little confused because I've been having some attraction toward men. I know I don't want to date a man but I have been intimate with a few of them.

Like 5 days ago I had these two guys at my apartment. A lot happened. I thought to myself "sure they're attractive" but quite honestly I can't get past doing anything with or too their down below. I did do it but honestly I hated it. I was super grossed out the whole time even though my body said otherwise.

So...is this like an identity crisis? You know...the symptom of unstable self image? And perhaps the impulsive sex. Or is this just me doing that because I needed some sort of release and couldn't find a girl?

I feel kind of icky. Idk what to think about it or if there's anything I can do.

This is probably not the same, but I have always struggled with the type of women I am attracted to. One day I think this girl is the most beautiful girl in the world and then my views suddenly shift and I say to myself am I really attracted to her or do I find this one more attractive... So I definitely think it could be your borderline.

Is it possible your subconsciously thinking your life would be simpler if you could just be attracted to men and not women? Less stigma in society etc. Maybe your trying to convince yourself your attracted to men, but when you test the theory by being intimite your "super grossed out the whole time"..."I did do it but honestly I hated it"

That does not sound like somebody wants to be with a man even though at times you might find them attractive. I can appreciate a ripped guys shoulders at the gym and actually told him they were awesome but that does not mean I would want to be intimite with him cause I would be super grossed out too. My girlfriend thought it was really weird that I told him his shoulders were awesome not sure if it was or not cause my bpd causes me to say all kinds of weird things-lol

From what I have heard and my own experience, people within the borderline disorder spectrum find even sexual orientation as unstable.

I agree with offroad711. Perhaps your subconscious thinks life would be easier if you liked men... Unfortunately society is still full of prejudices when it comes to this kind of thing, so that may be a factor