I hate my husband

I’ve come a long with with all the BPD stuff. What lead me to finally get diagnosed was my crappy relationship. I’m no longer on medication and I’ve had three kids. My twins were born a few months ago and my relationship with my husband has been horrible since. He’s emotionally abusive. I do not have Post-Partun Depression. It’s all him and his bS. He nitpicks everything I do. I get three hours sleep half the time and he doesn’t care. He’s always rushing me and criticizing me and I’m sick of it. Now we’ve gotten in yet another fight and he’s being Mr Taking the high road and basically shutting me off.

What I need help with is honestly containing my rage right now. I put this in the BPD forums because it belongs here and not in the relationship one. This is BPD. I’m so angry right now. I hate him right now. And I don’t know how to contain my rage. I’m home alone with my babies (they are safe, I’d never hurt them-I am just so angry and I don’t know how to deal with it). I used to self harm and it’s making me want to do that again and I don’t want to do it. My kids deaerve a mom who doesn’t hurt herself.

Pleas someone help me.