BPD and my relationship

Hello, I am Janese, from Kansas. I am 45. I have been divorced 3 times, have had another 7 year relationship and my current relationship has been 3 years.... (not married yet). I am currently diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. I have panic attacks and anxiety that is debilitating.
I have been doing a lot of reading on Borderline Personality Disorder and I suspect this is what I have. A therapist I went to in the past thought my mother had this disorder, and gave me a book on how to deal with a loved one. I connected with so many of the issues in this book, researched alot on the internet and now I believe I have this as well.
I currently see a psych dr. for meds, and sporadically go to a therapist (which I have not "bonded" with). I hope to someday find a therapist I feel comfortable with enough to explore this. My current therapist just tells me I am fine, normal and to continue what I am doing. But I am far from normal!!!! I am constantly in a turmoil in my head which does spill out to my relationship with my boyfriend.
I recognize many of the signs of the impending doom of not giving a care, putting up walls five miles high, and then the fears of aloneness creep in. Its a neverending cycle that keeps me in a turmoultuous state.
I just want to get better and have a fulfilling life with my sig other and my two girls.

Nice to hear from anyone!!!!
Thanks for reading!