[Maranara]

Hi, I'm Maranara. It's been quite a while since I've been here, but here I am again. I'm having a lot of problems. The reason the thread is "Situational BPD" is because I can go long periods with very little or no issues, and then something will set me off and it all comes back, and once it resurfaces it's very hard for me to deal with.

My biggest issue is that I cannot have close friends. I either smother them to death or I throw them away. Well, my best friend, the best friend I've ever had, got a girlfriend and that was the trigger. I threw him away, and now, almost a year later, I decided that I had to have him in my life. I'm back in touch with him and he says he wants to be friends but he won't talk to me and nothing is the same and it's driving me crazy and making me think bad thoughts. I'm not back so much for advice as much as just feeling that I have people that will listen and be friends with me, even if they are at a distance. I have no "real" friends and I need someone who will listen. It just hurts so much and I'm having problems coping....again.


Thanks for listening.

[Skeezyks]

Welcome back to PC, Maranara. One of my fond memories was of eating paella at a Basque restaurant in Boise many years ago. I hope you find being back here on PC to be of benefit.

[Maranara]

Thank you so much. Skeezyks. Just feeling like I have people who care or who can empathize helps. I never thought I'd be back, but here I am. Yay me.

[sarahsweets]

You may have to accept the friendship on his terms. In his defense he probably felt hurt that you stopped being friends with him when he got a girlfriend. At the same time it seems like he is interested in being friends again but doesnt seem to want to work on it from his end. Does that seem like an accurate assessment?

[Maranara]

It does, but it's just hard. Black and while thinking, you know? Either we're close or not anything. I want to stay in the game, but it just hurts so much when I message him and he doesn't message back. I know I hurt him a lot and he's protecting himself, but I don't know how to go slow. I message him yesterday to contract me when he' decides he wants to be friends, and now I'm scared I won't hear from him again. I don't know what to do. Every day, I ask myself that. I'm just stuck. Should I wait for him or contract back? I either stay away or smother him. What should I do?

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome back dear person

I’d wait for him to reply back. Maybe he needs a bit of time to think. I’m keeping my paws crossed for you

[Maranara]

I wrote him this morning on a game we play and said that the next move in our friendship, if he wants to be friends, needs to be his. Now I have to stick to my guns and that will be hard, but with support from here, I hopefully can. Thank you.

[Maranara]

It's so hard, waiting. I so want to contract him, but I know I'll receive nothing but more pain.