Sabotaging Relationships

Hi everybody! I was diagnosed with bpd about 2 months ago, and I was reading the DSM-5 section on bpd and it mentioned this thing about how, right when a romantic relationship appears like it is going well, someone with bpd often sabotages the relationship on purpose. I definitely feel that, like right when things look like they might work out for me and someone I really like I'll just get this feeling of not wanting it at all and I'll stop talking to them or making plans and basically just sabotage my chances completely. I was wondering if anyone else has these experiences and could comment on them? Thanks!

Hi Brindle,

I also have done that, that although I suffer from depression and not BPD.

In my case, I think I sabotage relationships because I fear the future demands of the relationship and because I feel that other people have many unrealistic expectations about how I "should" be in a relationship.

I hope you get many responses to your post from others who suffer BPD.

Best to you! - Yaowen

Hi Brindle, and welcome to the forums! Yaowen is right - you're not alone. There are indeed many reasons why people sabotage their relationships, and yes, it's a big thing for those of us with BPD. Relationships can sometimes be hard work, and so sometimes I push people away because I don't have the energy to do the work. Or I think they are going to leave me eventually anyway (because fear of abandonment is a big part of BPD too) - so I'll leave them before they leave me. Or before they can hurt me. Or because they have gotten to know me too well, and I'm not comfortable with me, so now I'm not comfortable with THEM knowing ME. Or before, or because, or, or or. But here's the thing - it doesn't have to be this way for you always, and forever. Patterns can be changed, habits can be broken. My therapist was shocked to find out I've been married 17 years now.

Welcome to pc, Brindle

I've almost definitely just done this with the love of my life. I'm not sure I can pick myself up from this one.