[AutumnsGhost]

So, backstory. I went to a clinician yesterday to be evaluated. I had my best friend with me at the time and I had already told my friend that I didn't want to steer the conversation towards any specific diagnoses, as I felt I had done that in the past. My friend then says, during the interview, if I'm going to tell the clinician what I think might be going on. So I did and clarified to the woman that I didn't want to tell her because I didn't want her to be biased towards anything. I had told her I suspected BPD. By the end of the interview she says that it definitely seems like BPD (she has a lot of experience with it and DBT).

I was fine after the evaluation, but later in the evening I got plagued with thoughts that I faked everything, that I was lying and made the clinician say what I wanted to hear. I don't know if any of it was real or a lie. Does anyone else here get feelings that they've been fake or lying, even if there's no real evidence for it?

[Skeezyks]

Hello AutumnsGhost: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. The Psychotherapy forum, here on PC, may also be of interest to you. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/psychotherapy/

I don't think I can comment very specifically with regard to your concern. I can only say that I think we all have concerns with how our interviews with clinicians go. So I don't think the concerns you felt following the interview you described are at all out of the ordinary.

Assuming the clinician you saw is someone who is experienced (& from what you wrote it sounds like she is) I doubt her assessment of your condition would be swayed to a significant degree by what you said you believe may be going on. I suspect the thoughts that plagued you later in the evening were simply the kinds of second-guessing we all engage in following something such as a psychological evaluation.

Anyway...those are my thoughts with regard to your post. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree with Skeezyks. Welcome to pc.

[Brindle789]

I actually came to this forum specifically to ask that same question, funny how that works. I was diagnosed with BPD last month and sometimes also get the thoughts that I'm a liar, especially when I'm not in a particularly bad spot with my mental health I'll tell myself I'm just an attention seeker, but then I go back into a low period and hate myself and feel worthless for having BPD... its a vicious cycle

[Kathleen83]

Feeling fake is a real thing to me. Have had a few discussions with my therapist about it. She didn't seem the least bit surprised when I told her I felt that way. I'm still new to the diagnosis and treatment myself, so am in the mindset of "willing to give it all a try and see if it helps" side of things.

[Lilfae]

I feel like that a lot! Often after therapy I'll think I was lying or the therapist misunderstood me and I just didn't correct her. And then when I have a good day, I'll think I'm fine and I'm just making everything up, lying to get attention, lying to not have to go to work. But not just in relation to therapy. It's also like that for instance at work, and I'll feel like I'm just cheating on everybody. I've never mentioned this in therapy, cause I'm too scared that they'll decide I'm lying about everything and that I don't need help.

[Maranara]

I feel as though I've been "fake" most of my life. I never tell people what I'm feeling and it's not apparent until I reach some boiling point, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Right now, I'm going though a really bad spell and I don't feel I can tell anyone about it.

[Kathleen83]

Originally Posted by Lilfae

I feel like that a lot! Often after therapy I'll think I was lying or the therapist misunderstood me and I just didn't correct her. And then when I have a good day, I'll think I'm fine and I'm just making everything up, lying to get attention, lying to not have to go to work. But not just in relation to therapy. It's also like that for instance at work, and I'll feel like I'm just cheating on everybody. I've never mentioned this in therapy, cause I'm too scared that they'll decide I'm lying about everything and that I don't need help.

I hope you find the courage. It can be liberating. When I fessed up to my therapist, she laughed and said "well of course you feel fake.....and here's why.....". Turned out, ~feeling~ fake and ~being~ fake are two different things.

[Kathleen83]

Originally Posted by Maranara

I feel as though I've been "fake" most of my life. I never tell people what I'm feeling and it's not apparent until I reach some boiling point, but that doesn't mean it's not there. Right now, I'm going though a really bad spell and I don't feel I can tell anyone about it.

I hope you are feeling stronger / better today.

[Lilfae]

Maybe it has to do with normalising and/or minimalising your symptoms and your situation..? So that when you tell someone about your symptoms and how you _really_ feel, a voice in your head tells you it's not true, or you're exaggerating or smth? I mean, I know it's normal to minimalize and rationalise traumatic experiences, but maybe that's not all we minimalize? This week my therapist told me she thinks I don't only minimalize my trauma, but also how it has impacted me. I don't know if this would be relevant to you at all, or in that particular situation, just a thought. Anyone else have thoughts on this?

[Lilfae]

Originally Posted by Kathleen83

I hope you find the courage. It can be liberating. When I fessed up to my therapist, she laughed and said "well of course you feel fake.....and here's why.....". Turned out, ~feeling~ fake and ~being~ fake are two different things.

Thank you!! What was the why?