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RavenGirl1990
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Trig Nov 01, 2020 at 10:17 AM
  #1
Hi there,

Well my last therapist didn’t diagnose personality disorders. I had told her that my psychiatrist had diagnosed as BPD, and that he told me, I can in with that diagnosis.
Possible trigger:

Anyway, my oldest brother, was engaged over 10+ years ago now. And his wife was nice and kind. Anyway, when he told me he was getting married to her I freaked out. I was sobbing uncontrollably and couldn’t control myself, and kept saying things like “she’s stealing you away from me” and “I don’t want to lose you” like I felt like I was being pushed to the side and going to be left alone.

My other brother was engaged years ago and I had the same reaction. I wasn’t happy about it at all and devastated “feeling like I am losing my brother”.
Is this considered to be BPD?

Last edited by bluekoi; Nov 01, 2020 at 12:13 PM.. Reason: Fix trigger code. Add trigger icon.
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MsLady
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Default Nov 01, 2020 at 08:13 PM
  #2
It's possible, due to the extreme reaction you had that was probably a result of you feeling "abandoned" by him.

Had you reacted in this way because you felt he was making a gigantic mistake (perhaps she's abusive or using him for the family's inheritance, etc.) then your reaction may somewhat be reasonable and selfless. Your reaction, however, was to do with your own personal loss on a situation we ought to be happy for (a wedding, a birth, a graduation..).

Of course it's sad when our relationships change. Like you've mentioned, your brother getting married, or a new SO taking our best friend's time away from us. However, we can quickly move forward without this excessive reaction, knowing that they will still be our family member or best friend, regardless, and not internalize it as abandonment.

Just my opinion.
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Default Nov 01, 2020 at 08:30 PM
  #3
I'd like to share a parallel story about my partner whom I suspect may have BPD. I'm sharing this just to showcase the severe reaction that non-BPD would otherwise let roll off their shoulders.

My partner was at work one day when I opted to take my girls shopping. It was a beautiful day but really cold and dad had the car. As it turned out, he finished work earlier than we expected. Since shopping is particularly hard for him, due to his medical condition, he can get quite impatient, cranky, and moody at the mall towards all of us. Days before, I had mentioned that next time, it was best I take the girls shopping without him because it was clear he was having a hard time managing.

Anyway, we didn't want to change our "girls day" shopping, nor were we planning on spending all day there. As it turned out, he felt completely rejected that we went ahead without him. As much as he understood my reasoning and stated it wasn't my fault, he couldn't let it go. He felt I didn't want to spend the day with him.. period. Days later he broke up with me because I wouldn't participate in an ongoing text marathon about his "feelings". He called me a narcissist and told his family we were done.. I wasn't meeting his needs. He eventually changed his mind. He claims he does NOT want a separation and doesn't want to give up on ME.

Extreme reaction? Yes. He already had plans with a friend that night and ended up spending a few hours out with his parents (he's really close with) while we were shopping.

Non-BPD may have been disappointed in my refusal to change our plans at the last second (we were already out of the house when we ran into him).. particularly knowing it was just circumstantial rather than a personal hit against him.

Do you see the parallel? He made this situation to be about him, his feelings, and his needs by putting me through the wringer about it. Bottom line is, he wasn't expecting this. He assumed we'd be thrilled he came home early.

My point being, your brother has been engaged for a DECADE (unless I misunderstood) so there was plenty of time to mentally prepare yourself for his wedding.
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Default Nov 01, 2020 at 11:04 PM
  #4
I think it might be BPD.
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