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Anrea
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Smile Nov 02, 2020 at 04:44 AM
  #1
The post is written a couple of comments down.

Last edited by Anrea; Nov 02, 2020 at 05:06 AM..
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Smile Nov 02, 2020 at 04:49 AM
  #2
Keep going down.

Last edited by Anrea; Nov 02, 2020 at 05:06 AM..
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Smile Nov 02, 2020 at 04:50 AM
  #3
almost there

Last edited by Anrea; Nov 02, 2020 at 05:07 AM..
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 04:58 AM
  #4
Hi Anrea,

I’m awake too and was waiting for your post to answer you.

T

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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:02 AM
  #5
Oh ok. I can repost if you're interested.
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:04 AM
  #6
Ok, so this is the back story: We are 2 married woman over 55. We met in a volunteer situation. I found out her husband was in the hospital while she was sick. I called to offer my support. What should have been a 2 hour phone call turned into a 3 month friendship, she is bossy and takes about 12 hours a day of my time. I am thinking of ending my friendship with her and wrote the following letter:
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:04 AM
  #7
I don't want to hurt you, but fear I am going to. I'll try to be gentle here but my Scorpio moon has told me the time has come to end our friendship. The last straw for me was being micro managed about using a like button when you didn't feel the post deemed a like. I realized the posts on my facebook page were what I thought you would approve of, not what I would have done myself. Maybe I'm just too lazy to do the amount of work required in this friendship. The 12 hour phone shifts, your strong personality, somewhere I'm losing my patience, kindness and gentleness. I'm losing myself in your shadow. As you've told me, God made me noble. I don't need to change or be changed, I just need to grow, and you've helped set me on a good path spiritually. But my path isn't politics. It isn't going to war with marxists commies. I don't even approve of the use of 'libtard'. I am more judgemental than you know. I think the true struggle is learning to love thy neighbor, turning the other cheek, and not judging my fellow man. To much of our friendship is about me complimenting you and you correcting me. I won't live with anxiety over whether I will upset you or not. I know you were trying to help me be a better person, but your measurement of what is a worthy person, and my measurement differ. I often disagree with your assessments. Enough to know that if you knew the truth of everything I think, our friendship wouldn't have gone as far as it did. As I promised I would, I have left the group and unfriended those I met through you. A clean break is best. I will miss you, but I will get over it. I hope you do the same. I love you and think you are great. Just too much work for me.
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:05 AM
  #8
Please don't be hurt by the comments within. she is far right and uses those terms. I used "scorpio moon" because she always says I can be mean because I have a scorpio moon in my astrological chart.
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:10 AM
  #9
This relationship does sound unhealthy.

I don’t know if a letter of explanation is needed, and will likely backfire. People get angry and lash out when confronted.

I hate to suggest you be passive aggressive about severing ties with her, but that’s what I’d try to do. Just be too busy to have any conversation with her longer than fifteen minutes. Twelve hour conversations are unheard of. It sounds like this person is trying to dominate, torture, and brainwash you.

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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:13 AM
  #10
I think because of my BPD, trying to make her happy is natural. I think it's called an enabler. I don't think I am strong enough to not give into her. I have tried to cut our time down. I said I wanted to get off every night at 11 instead of 12. But that only happens when she doesn't say I have to keep talking. So, we start talking between 11 and 12 in the morning. She is quite commanding. I am afraid of the confrontation of leaving, but also afraid of the nice way she will ask me what is wrong if I am just not around. That is why I thought a cut off letter was best.
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:20 AM
  #11
I'm afraid if I don't do it, I won't be able to.
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:22 AM
  #12
I've never met anyone so filled with anger at whole groups of people. It may even be hate.
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:24 AM
  #13
Monopolizing your time like that is a form of abuse tbh. She is being an emotional vampire and stopping you from doing things you need to do and living your own life.

I’ve been diagnosed with EDD, which seems to be another name for BPD, which is confusing to me, but anyway—

It’s interesting how different I handle things, like to cut someone off with no qualms about it, lol. I’ve had to be that assertive with unbelievably pushy people.

I agree that a clean break may be best. Her behavior is so extreme that I worry about whatever you do to get away from her.

But you do need to escape from this control issue. This person sounds extreme to me.

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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:25 AM
  #14
She's going to flip out maybe. Either that or act like a victim. I would rather have the volcano blow than for me to have to keep putting her off. like I said, I don't think I can be consistently unavailable.
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:28 AM
  #15
Thank you for your time @TishaBuv. Perhaps I will just do it right now. Maybe that's why I can't sleep tonight. I feel like I am being very bad.
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:31 AM
  #16
You are bad? How’s that? By standing up for yourself? Don’t ever let anybody make you feel that way. That’s just a guilt trip.

Good luck with whatever you do.

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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:34 AM
  #17
I did it.
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Default Nov 02, 2020 at 05:35 AM
  #18
I am so frightened and anxious. Hurting someones feelings isn't natural for me.
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Default Nov 05, 2020 at 05:55 PM
  #19
Hi Anrea,
I agree with TishaBuv that this person sounds very extreme. Twelve hours a day conversations, every day? I have not heard of anything this extreme before. And if she is filled with anger, and even hate, towards whole groups of people? I think you are wise cutting off this friendship. I too feel uncomfortable if I hurt someone's feelings and I dislike cutting someone out of my life who might be hurt by that. I will do so if necessary though. I think you did the ''right'' thing ending this friendship. I hope you're okay now?

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