[Misfit Toy]

My family never showed real emotions. They taught me to swallow my anger. I am a very passive submissive person. I will kill myself to keep the peace. I rarely show anger for fear that it will start a fight. I can't take conflict. My husband on the other hand is very confrontational and brutally honest about his anger.

When I do show anger, I get such a push back that it often triggers my PTSD and I become a raving lunatic. I end up apologizing for my behavior and his gets swept under the rug.

Now that I am on meds and pretty stable, I haven't been triggered. I can see that it isn't always me. I have some legitimate reasons to be mad. This is hard because I have always shouldered the bulk of the blame for any problems in our marriage. He invalidates my feelings by rolling his eyes and acting like I am just trying to cause a problem. He is used to never having to be wrong or apologize for his part in our problems. I have made excuses for him for years, but as I get better, I have less shame. Shame caused feelings of guilt for every fight or argument. It is really hard to stand up and express my feelings when there is no cooperation. We have been together for 32 years and there are more good than bad times. He has very redeeming qualities. This is just something that I am trying to find my way through. Thanks for letting me share.

[Yaowen]

Dear Misfit Toy,

It sounds like you are becoming more and more aware of things and that at the same time you are able to maintain balance and perspective. I wish I was as centered as you are. Hopefully your progress in life will continue. You have come so far. Wish I knew what to say that would be helpful, but sadly I am at a loss. I do want to wish you only the best!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for sharing, Misfit Toy

I was also taught by a family that did not show real emotions to swallow anger.

It's great that your husband has some very redeeming qualities and that you're experiencing less shame which had caused feelings of guilt for every fight or argument! (it's called ''toxic shame'' for a reason)....