Becoming

Hey everyone,

I have been feeling really strange lately. It's almost like I'm not okay with feeling okay. That is the only way I can think to describe it. In fact, I feel overwhelmed by it.

There is nothing really negative, dramatic, or chaotic regularly occurring in my life right now. I'm not even regularly depressed or anxious. Yet I still feel empty...like something is missing and I don't know what.

I've been having some PTSD about past experiences. That's about it. And I've even been pretty good at pushing those memories away...or just not wanting to deal with them at all.

Lately it's like my past wants to push through all sorts of negativity because there's none in the present. And I can't remember the last time there was no negativity in my life. You'd think that this would be a good thing, but it seems I am not okay with feeling okay.

Can anyone relate to this? It's very strange and a new experience for me.
What do I do about it?

Thanks!

__________________
Bipolar II and Borderline Personality Disorder

Meds: Lamictal 100mg | Latuda 40mg |

jeremiahgirl

Becoming:

Hi I can relate to that feeling, I’m not presently feeling that way but I have in the past. And yes it was very unsettling actually so much that I would bring up painful things to distract from the calm . I think one should sit with the Ok feeling and ask “why does this feel so wrong or perhaps a better word is odd?” Could it be it’s so foreign one has to grow into it? Sorta like moving into a new home or community? It takes time to adjust to newness.

I struggle with the feeling “when is the shoe going to drop?” Feeling something is on the verge of happening; like looking for drama. It feels like a shadow of sorts lurking in my mind. I’m not sure if this is an avoidance of calm or what it is. But I certainly can identify with your question.

People with BPD struggle with non defensiveness. I’ve always been on the defense because of my upbringing so it’s hard to accept calm and peace. It will be interesting to see if others relate to your experience.
Take Care

__________________
[SIGPIC][SIGPIC]
Forgiveness is not always easy but is possible!

TishaBuv

It sounds like you are not accustomed to feeling calm, so it is not yet comforting to you. It may have to do with adrenaline rush and and anxiety associated with stress. The calm is not providing the surge of dopamine?

There are times when a good, warm feeling of well being washes over me and it feels soooo good to me. I am able to feel it, love it, crave it, appreciate it as it’s so fleeting.

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"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!"
. About Me--T

LittleEarthquakes

Currently feeling this right now. It's like as soon as I'm bored, I just feel extremely distressed and empty about it. Yet I'm okay. Nothing bad is going on.