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Old 04-28-2021, 08:13 AM   #1
featheredodachi
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Default Are BPD folks actually capable of having long term intimate relationships?

I just want to know if there's any hope or not... But I know the chances are slim. I'm a monster. I destroy relationships. That's just how I be. I burn everything I touch.
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Old 04-28-2021, 12:32 PM   #2
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Default Re: Are BPD folks actually capable of having long term intimate relationships?

You can do anything you put your mind to doing. There is hope. There are people with BPD who may struggle, but are capable. Keep trying and be kind to yourself.
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Old 04-28-2021, 01:59 PM   #3
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Default Re: Are BPD folks actually capable of having long term intimate relationships?

I don’t think it’s impossible. Everyone struggles in relationships at times, but learning to understand how it affects you might help.
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Old 04-29-2021, 07:34 AM   #4
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Default Re: Are BPD folks actually capable of having long term intimate relationships?

Yes we can, it's hard, and I have pretty mild BPD, most of my symptoms are caused by CPTSD, but I was in an amazing 5-year relationship that ended simply because we fell out of love, and we are still very close friends, you just need to find someone very caring and understanding. but its definitely possible.
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Old 04-30-2021, 12:34 AM   #5
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Default Re: Are BPD folks actually capable of having long term intimate relationships?

I'm in a relationship with someone with characteristics of both BPD and NDP and we've been together for almost 7 years.

It's not been easy at all. In fact, it's been my worst relationship so far because of how his deep seated insecurities has damaged my self-worth, security, and reputation.

My advice to you is to work on these behaviors with a professional and use this need to be in a healthy relationship to be your motivation.
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Old 05-03-2021, 09:04 AM   #6
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Default Re: Are BPD folks actually capable of having long term intimate relationships?

Yes!

I was with someone with BPD for 9 years and we are still very good friends. They had a therapist tell them once that they'll "never have a long-term relationship" - I think that's really messed up, wrong and harmful (rant about "experts" below).

Anyway, we decided to end our romantic relationship not because of their BPD, or any lack of love, but because of external economic factors and the fact that we became very co-dependent (I have ADHD, and this is a very common pattern for us). I needed to stand on my own two feet because of how my mental health affected me and my ability to be a good partner, drove me into shame/guilt spirals and that's not good for intimacy.

My partner didn't have access to any adequate support or resources for BPD other than the internet. They used it to learn more about it so they could recognise the way it manifests, which helped them manage the symptoms. Medication helped too. We also read that for some people, symptoms lessen in their 30s due to a sort of emotional developmental delay - and this was true for us.

I want to validate that BPD is really difficult for the person suffering from it. Not only the symptoms themselves, but how it is perceived or talked about, even by some "experts".

Please try to remember that experts are not always free from bias and a lot of the information about BPD out there I would personally consider very harmful.

I use a rule of thumb: if information is not presented in a neutral or compassionate way, it is suspect. I am not interested in psychiatry that demonises vulnerable people or puts them down. We know far too little about the brain and mental illness to make definitive statements like this also. It's just discrimination.

I would also recommend googling "BPD gifts" or "BPD positives" - they do exist! You are a human being worthy of love and happiness, so try to seek out the things that help you heal, not the ones that put you down.
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Old 05-04-2021, 11:12 AM   #7
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Default Re: Are BPD folks actually capable of having long term intimate relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by featheredodachi View Post
I just want to know if there's any hope or not... But I know the chances are slim. I'm a monster. I destroy relationships. That's just how I be. I burn everything I touch.
Never let any kind of disorder limit you as much as that is possible. I know lots of people who are married and have children + a BPD diagnosis.
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Old Yesterday, 08:03 AM   #8
TishaBuv
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Default Re: Are BPD folks actually capable of having long term intimate relationships?

Quote:
Originally Posted by featheredodachi View Post
I just want to know if there's any hope or not... But I know the chances are slim. I'm a monster. I destroy relationships. That's just how I be. I burn everything I touch.
If it is you who ‘destroys relationships’, you can learn skills to stop sabotaging yourself.

In my experience, it was the other person who destroyed the relationship and it hurt me incredibly deeply. It wasn’t my doing, it was theirs!

I have had long term intimate relationships, but my marriage is terribly rocky. I can’t say it’s solely me with a disorder, when it’s them being hurtful and unreasonable. My expectations were completely healthy and reasonable.

I got a diagnosis due to my extremely emotional reaction to others’ hurtful behavior toward me.
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