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Cassoway
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Member Since: Aug 2021
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 16
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Default Aug 15, 2021 at 11:41 AM
  #1
So having been treated as bipolar for over ten years the psychiatrists have now come to the conclusion that I have borderline personality disorder.

Besides the fact that I have taken vast quantities of possibly the wrong meds (though some seemed to help). I am a bit freaked about how this has impacted my life (or not), self esteem. Not to mention the fact that the whole diagnosis thing leaves me feeling drained.

Anyone else have similar experiences?
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Anonymous41462
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Default Aug 17, 2021 at 06:47 PM
  #2
@Cassoway and all:

Yes, i've been in treatment for bipolar for thirty years. The meds didn't help. They did more harm than good. Now that i've hit menopause i am getting some signs that my bipolar problems may be over.

But borderline is still wreaking havoc on my life. My values change from day-to-day. I'm dieting, no that's oppression. I'm vegan, no we're the top of the food chain. I'm sober, not i'll cope with life thru use of alcohol.

My life is chaos.

I definitely HAD bipolar but i'm getting some signs that it's gone away now. My Summer depression hasn't happened this year which is unprecedented in my adult life.

I tried DBT day hospitals twice but the bipolar was triggered and i quit or they threw me out. I might like to try individual DBT, where you have a therapist that you can phone during crises.

I'm so sick of the bu!!sh_t of my life. I hate feeling like a hypocrite all the time. I despise this dynamic in others, yet it is rampant in my own life. My personality is riddled with inconsistencies.

An online friend recently abandoned me after i rejected him first on an impulse and i have been in pain ever since. We were getting way too intense tho, even tho it was just online, planning a visit (he was a seven-hour drive away). He had a heavy load of psychiatric problems too so it was kind of mutual.

I miss him tho, he was very special and for the duration of our brief relationship i didn't feel alone. We shared a love of the arts and it was so exciting to have someone to talk about that with. He was also very smart and i am smart too so it was exciting to have someone on my level. We both had decent IQs but low EIQs (Emotional Intelligence Quotients).

The psychiatrist who diagnosed me with bipolar at 25 refused to support my desire to go on disability benefits because he didn't think it was the best thing for me. At 55, i think he might have been right. My psychiatric problems have persisted despite many therapeutic endeavors so why didn't i just stick with the world of work, where you can get ahead on IQ? It's my only advantage in life. Why not develop it rather than toiling futilely to develop an aspect of myself that is unchangeable, my mental health?

Than again, i struggle with the activities of daily living -- how could i work a 40 hour week when i can't even keep up with my dishes?

It all just feels so futile. What do i have to show for thirty years of working on my mental health? Nothing.
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Cassoway
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