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tch214
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Member Since: May 2022
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Default May 27, 2022 at 10:54 AM
  #1
I'm more then apprehensive about this, but here it goes. I am a teacher in a great district and have been for 7 years. I thrive here, everyday is a great day and my students are my reason. However, having BPD presents its challenges in the classroom. I have told no one about my diagnosis, my family are the only ones who know and here at work I keep a very low profile. I am ashamed and scared to be found out. I am constantly checking my behavior and attitude in fears that i will be exposed and therefore fired. I know these are irrational fears but working with children puts you in your own category. When feeling, closed off unseen and ashamed how can one rectify these emotions when I have been advised to hold a piece of myself back. I am me and BPD is a major part of that. I am usually so transparent with my students but i am feeling so unauthentic and more like a fraud. I have so much knowledge to give to them, i'd love to change the stigma here at my school by coming out and being open about my diagnosis but I cant. I feel very split in two......me the teacher and me the mental health patient.
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Default May 27, 2022 at 01:33 PM
  #2
Hi @tch214

I don't have BPD but I do have Schizoaffective disorder--which also comes with a lot of stigma. I'm not a teacher but I am a professional with an MBA. I work as an accounting manager, a human resource manager, and an office manager. I am very out about my diagnosis and I have to say it is just as hard to be out about your diagnosis as it is to be "in". At least it explains some of my "craziness" for lack of a better word, like when I am paranoid or something. But it definitely gets me in trouble by being out about my diagnosis as well. It is hard for me to have good relationships with my peers because they don't understand the disorder. I try to explain it but everyone hears schizoaffective and thinks "psycho" sigh. I don't work with children so that is definitely a whole other dynamic. I didn't used to be out about my disorder but as I get older and am no longer in my 20's I have started to value myself more and be willing to put my job on the line in order to be "out" about my diagnosis. I realize that not everyone has that luxury though. I hear the pain of having yourself split in two and wanting to be an example for the students and be an advocate but on the other hand wanting to protect yourself. There is no easy answers I'm afraid. I know our situations are not exactly the same, I just thought I would tell you a piece of my story and see if anything resonated. Welcome to the forums by the way. My name is Kit.

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Default Jun 01, 2022 at 06:54 AM
  #3
Kit-

Thank you for the response and it was super helpful. You're right, working with kids does complicate my situation however I find myself 'hiding' in every aspect of my life. My family has told me that any slip in my animinity could jeopardize a lot for me (which i tend to agree with) I'm just feeling very stifled and not sure how to proceed at work, with friends even with some family members. With all that is going on the ignorant keep blaming things on mental illness and i want to scream "IT's not everyone!" I'm nervous to be open about this as the technical and medical terms surrounding BPD make it sound like a monster is living inside of my brain and that I cant control it. WE know that isn't true but the public does not which keeps me and others like me silenced and scared to share apart of us that is here to stay. Just thoughts on a really tough situation I am not sure how to navigate. I want to feel validated in the world without the world looking at me with frightened faces.

btw I've been living with this for 12 years......is it weird I still struggle with this?

Amanda
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