Thinking about getting diagnosed. Do these symptoms resemble bpd?

NOTE: i’m not looking for a diagnosis, just maybe a guideline on if i should get diagnosed


1) I form unhealthy attachments to people (one who you might consider an FP if i get the terminology right), in that a big part of me kinda needs their presence in my life, if we fight or even if we don’t talk for any reason for long enough, I start getting paranoid, dissociating and generally feel a combination of numb, self blame, and sometimes resentment against them till I hear back - even now, as we aren’t talking at the moment, i’ve gone through this very same cycle multiple times

2) I get extremely paranoid and jealous - whether it be fear of friends ‘conspiring’ against me (which I know is silly), a gf having close friends of both sexes, or even a crush just talking to another guy (even if the guy is a close friend who i know would do nothing - or even if i know for certain that the two aren’t interested in each other, its like an automatic hit) - I get jealous, paranoid and possessive - I used to express it, even ruined a couple of older relationships due to expressing it and acting on it - but now my first gut feeling is to quietly leave the room and be dormant for some time elsewhere, i’d basically find a spot to hide from familiar faces and basically sit down, entirely disconnected from everything around me.

3) Heavy and severe abandonment issues - it could be as simple as a person talking to me less than they have before, i’m gonna think they’re leaving me. I used to act out this feeling but figured it was an insecurity, so instead i tend to overcorrect and avoid the topic or trigger entirely, even under-acting when something is wrong cause i fear being called clingy or paranoid then the person leaves me - so i create the impression that i don’t care because i basically paralyze myself to where i can’t really act (and it does feel like paralysis cause there are times where i know i should act, i set myself up to but then straight up can’t at the end)

4) A heavy habit of catastrophizing, this used to be something i often acted on, but now I feel it internally, but opt to literally do nothing even when i maybe should be doing something and even if my reaction might be reasonable because I fear negative response.

5) Heavy approval seeking in my relationships, whether it be platonic, sexual or romantic primarily because I feel like if I don’t meet their needs, they’re gone. This even includes unhealthy modes of approval seeking, even from strangers (this would even include performing sexual acts online for people who i would are 100% creeps cause its validation - i don’t enjoy these acts, in fact they are quite shameful and to an extent problematic, but the approval/validation basically acts like a high i’m chasing, but its also not worth it cause when the high isn’t there i’ve found that i wasted a lot of time, harmed myself emotionally and mentally, and because the people i chase approval from are creeps (because to me the approval quick and instant, and to them they wanna just get off), i end up affirming my fear of abandonment cause sometimes, when i attempt to chase the same approval from the same person, they’re not there - and for some reason i care about that approval from them? even though everything i know about this person is basically that they’re some creep online (which, albeit, is limited to online interaction, without even a face most times))

6) Impulsive behavior when i’m not in a good place/mood - whether it be spending, eating or even stuff sexually that im frankly ashamed of - this especially hits when my sense of self worth is particularity low, i mostly do this stuff out of a form of self punishment, i know i feel like ****, i know that doing these things would make me feel worse about myself and i know doing these things will put me back in a cycle of regret, self-scolding and low self worth - even worse that it would keep me feeling like ****, so i do it anyway cause i view myself as deserving of such punishment - there is also a desire for more destructive behavior, such as a desire for alcoholism at times, but there is also a lack of confidence to pull through with things that are outwardly destructive, in fact, the lack of confidence to pull through with most things - whether it be something beneficial or something purposefully destructive. I usually lack the confidence and often freeze up in any kind of situation that may equate change, positive or negative. At the one hand its saved me from destructive actions I sometimes want to do (however, not because i don’t want to self destruct outwardly, but because i don’t want the attention from others as i outwardly deteriorate - basically i want to project the idea that i’m okay), at the other end it hinders me when something beneficial is afoot as well.

7) I used to be quite manipulative, especially emotionally - I didn’t know that I was, i just felt like that was just how things were, now I tend to avoid any kind of persuasion or talking up because i don’t wanna be perceived as manipulative.

8) I am actively seeking people to ‘save’ or ‘help’ - i actively want to help stop or solve others’ suffering, but then i also beat myself up for not doing anything cause this also triggers ideas of myself either being manipulative, overactive or clingy, so i initially start off in a state of paralysis then leave the issue behind.

9) heavy dissociation when things aren’t going well - i’ve been working on this, but when things get really tough or when my own head gets the best of me its both numbing and paralyzing, i’d have days of just laying in bed and when i’m not laying in bed i’m going through the motions, but i’m entirely disconnected from everything - ex. it isn’t uncommon for me to sometimes bump into things when walking when i’m in this state, i even almost got hit by a car or bike a couple of times cause i’m not really there, just moving from point A to B while being fully mentally disconnected.

10) I am prone to viewing people as ‘all good’ or ‘all bad’ more frequently than I would like - ie. if i view someone as all good, i would dismiss their wrong doings or if i view someone as all bad i would invalidate the things they did good - I also have a habit of flipping on people entirely and not exactly being honest about it with myself if i feel fully wronged by them l - or if i meet someone and have a good first impression, i tend to view them as all good and i justify it cause i tell myself that i’m just that good at getting to know people.

11) whether i’m in a withdrawn, dissociative state or not is often very others oriented - every now and then i meet a person and let them determine my whole mood and emotional state - if things are going well with us then everything is okay, if things aren’t i’m pretty much in a deep pit of despair that usually lasts till things are patched up (or even if nothing is going on and we just haven’t talked in a while, even if for no reason) - or it lasts long enough for me to move on, however, this often takes a long time and i’ve already undone whatever progress i’ve made and have done some new type of damage of myself. There doesn’t even have to be a meaningful relationship for this to happen, it could be as simple as a crush - but then again, to me a crush mostly results in full on infatuation.

12) I fall into this near consistent cycle of breaking down, destroying myself and rebuilding myself. Here is how it usually goes, things are good, then they’re not - i dig myself deep into a hole, rebuild myself and soon as i’m rebuilt things go wrong again, i dig myself into another hole and j rebuild myself again and so on. Only difference is this time i’m catching the cycle, i’m digging that hole and I don’t know what to do about it. I’m trying to stop, but i cant, and the fact that i’m self aware this time around only makes the fall hurt more. I want this cycle to end.

Are these things causing problems in your life? Are you wanting to change? Then yes, see a therapist to see if they can help. If you suspect bpd then look for therapist that specializes in DBT. If you are just wanting a diagnosis to explain away your behavior it doesn’t make sense to seek out a therapist just to get a diagnosis and not work on changing, so no.