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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#21
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Anonymous32448, SlumberKitty
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#22
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*Beth*, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
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#23
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Thanks yeah it is helping Yeah it’s annoying when people do that. People are supposed to set timers on their phone or whatever to get their laundry promptly when it’s done or switch it over but people seem to always just leave stuff in there for hours. I just go tell security staff downstairs because that’s what we’re supposed to do. They’re allowed to remove the clothing if it’s been sitting there for an extended period of time and set it on one of the laundry tables, for whoever left it to get it Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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SlumberKitty
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*Beth*
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
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#24
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I think you answered the question. For more information: How Do Patients With Borderline Personality Disorder Describe the Symptom of Chronic Emptiness? - Psychiatry Advisor I remember experiencing a similar feeling when I got major depression about a decade ago. For about 6 weeks I felt nothing within myself. I could not feel any emotion. It was terrifying. It was as if my mind had cut itself off of my body. My belly felt like it was full of air and that there was nothing inside it. I barely ate because it felt like I was constantly falling. For awhile I thought intestinal parasites were the cause because they were crawling inside me. The only way I could get myself to feel again was to watch graphic videos of accidents. It worked. I spent the entire day crying. After that the depression slowly receded. I might have experienced something like the emptiness described in the article when I was unemployed and living off of social assistance. Sometimes I felt bored because I had nowhere to go and wondered about my purpose. It was an unpleasant feeling. I no longer feel this. Keeping busy and doing activities or working outside the home cured it. __________________ Dx: Didgee Disorder |
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*Beth*, Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty
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*Beth*, Blue_Bird, SlumberKitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,296
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#25
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I live in a supportive housing apartment complex, so there's also a lot of activities and stuff in the building too for people to go to if they want, which has been helpful. Before this I was living in a 100% independent apartment and I did terribly because I isolated constantly and that made things worse mentally I'm glad you're doing better now __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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*Beth*, SlumberKitty
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*Beth*, The_little_didgee
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
5 23.7k hugs
given |
#26
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It's great that security is there. I have actually removed laundry myself. We have 29 apartments and 4 washing machines/4 dryers. __________________ |
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Anonymous32448, Blue_Bird
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Blue_Bird
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#27
Thank you for that article @The_little_didgee. I think I'm getting an idea of what "chronic emptiness" means. Also, I can now better understand why people SH...possibly to self-punish, but also to create a feeling. I think there are very subtle, but important, differences between expressing a feeling and attempting to create a feeling or experience that one is disconnected from.
On the BD subforum some of us have been discussing our desire for hypomania. Such a desire is sort-of like trying to create a feeling, but I think it's more of a desire to feel extremely good, like a feeling of being high. Again, the difference is subtle, but it's there. A really good article. Also, I appreciate that you shared the way you felt when very depressed. It sounds miserable and a very scary experience for you. I'm happy to hear that you're doing much better. __________________ |
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Anonymous32448
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#28
I', getting into a panicked state cause i know for a fact i cannot swim for fudge, toffee, crap or anything else anyone wants to add, my arms and legs refuse to work together in the water, which could easily lead to be being a drowned
its been years since i was last in a swimming pool cause i know i cannot swim for crap |
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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5 23.7k hugs
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#29
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I'm sorry, wt. I think I'm the only person in California who doesn't know how to swim When I was a little girl I was sent for swimming lessons at our neighborhood pool, but the instructor pushed me in the pool really hard. I was so startled that my mind wouldn't let me learn how to swim. I love pools, though. I swim under water. Why do you have to be in a pool? __________________ |
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#30
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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5 23.7k hugs
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#31
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I'm so sorry. My dad was also absentee and neglectful. __________________ |
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Anonymous32448
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#32
my dad's a sexist pig turd (or is that offensive - to the turd the pig i said did?)
major major major major trigger warning - do not open the trigger box if you don't feel able to read something potentially majorly triggering i better put dots below it as well actually just to make sure nobody reads it by accident . . is tht enough dots to push the trigger box out of everyone's way? so nobody opens it by accident? better put a few more . . if it doesnt rain it pours, through looking up my exes to see how they are doing in their lives, found out that the latest one from 2011) has multiple times
Possible trigger:
. . enough dots now i hope Last edited by bluekoi; Mar 12, 2023 at 11:47 PM.. Reason: Remove unnecessary gaps in post. |
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*Beth*
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: Ontario Land
Posts: 3,591
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#33
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I'm not an expert but there seems to be different reasons to self harm, such as dissociation, frustration, other overwhelming feelings, OCD, interpersonal conflict, lack of communication skills, major depression etc.... Sometimes medication can cause SI especially if they cause delirium and agitation. Self injury (cutting skin) was once hidden and usually took place in the institutional setting. Apparently it was rare until the 1980s. I never heard of this until 1994 when I was in the hospital. Almost everyone there was doing it. I can understand your desire to experience hypomania. When I started taking Cipralex it made me high for about 4 weeks. I liked the confidence it gave me, but it was hard to focus and stay on topic. __________________ Dx: Didgee Disorder |
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*Beth*
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
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#34
I’m doing okay today, I have a major headache from either or a combo of PMS and caffeine withdrawal. I cut myself down recently from 6 cups of caffeinated coffee a day to barely any caffeine. So I gave in and bought myself a coke today, I don’t usually drink soda but I felt I needed the caffeine. I took ibuprofen just now and am hoping that helps.
I isolated the entire weekend. I don’t feel bad mentally though. I’m in a relatively good mood. I spent a lot of time reading a book series I’m reading. I did feel a bit agitated and anxious today but again that could be from PMS and/or caffeine withdrawal. Going to try to socialize more during the upcoming week. I do feel lonely sometimes Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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*Beth*
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*Beth*
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,296
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11 14.9k hugs
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#35
I’ve started meditating regularly again and it’s been very helpful. Trying to do it every day for 8 weeks straight then see what the benefits over that time period are. Apparently it takes 8 weeks of daily meditation practice to start seeing significant benefits. Obviously there are immediate benefits with every single meditation session.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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*Beth*
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*Beth*
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,296
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#36
I’m not doing well. I ran out of my Thorazine so I got zero sleep tonight, I can’t get to the pharmacy till later in the morning when they open. There’s a huge snowstorm, 20 inches so I’ll have to walk there in that. I’ve just been laying here crying and thinking about how much I hate myself. I keep dissociating really badly. It happened for like 4 hours yesterday. Im sick of it happening. It’s happening more frequently lately. I just feel like isolating from everyone and everything.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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*Beth*, Anonymous32448, SlumberKitty
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
5 23.7k hugs
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#37
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I'm so sorry, Birdie __________________ |
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Blue_Bird
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#38
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2013
Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,296
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#39
Thanks Beth and Willow, I'm doing better now. I got my thorazine refill yesterday and finally slept last night. Also had a meeting with a career readiness instructor today so I'm starting the process to eventually working part time
Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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*Beth*, Anonymous32448, SlumberKitty
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*Beth*
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#40
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Blue_Bird
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*Beth*, Blue_Bird
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