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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
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#81
Last week I got "The Borderline Personality Workbook" by Daniel J. Fox and have been working on it in my free time. The first part is understanding how BPD afffects you, how much of it probably developed from environment vs genetics, finding your attachment style and subtype. I like looking at and figuring out this stuff. It helps me see "oh, hey, this is a BPD thing," or "oh yeah, I do that, probably not the healthiest thing, and I can work to unlearn that and replace it with something else." Not sure how helpful it's going to be in the long run in terms of thinking/feeling/behaving in a more tolerable manner, but we'll see. Doing DBT atm in therapy too and practicing my skills as I'm taught.
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#82
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__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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MuddyBoots
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,409
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#83
I was actually looking for that DBT workbook, but the bookstore didn't have it so I got the one I mentioned instead. The workbook kinda sucks to go through especially now that I'm at the part where I recognize my behaviors, benefits, and long term consequences, but it's obviously important to know that stuff so I can work on it.
I'm still working on DBT in therapy. I feel like (and my therapist agrees on this one) that I have the general knowledge of DBT perspectives and can think that way in my head, but I have a hard time actually feeling and applying that stuff. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Blue_Bird
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Blue_Bird
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
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#84
By the way @Blue_Bird I love how you still have the one-foot avatar
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Blue_Bird
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Blue_Bird
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#85
Quote:
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#86
I dissociated yesterday evening. The only thing that helped it was going to sleep because that seems to reset my brain when nothing else is helping
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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Monster on the Hill
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#87
Massively struggling with the highs and lows and rights and lefts today. I went to get groceries today, and of course every single Market Basket in NH has a liquor store nearby, usually in the same plaza at that. I've been super struggling with wanting to drink lately, but I managed to keep focused on getting my shyt and coming home. I'm not saying I didn't cry in the grocery store, again in the car, and again when I got back. I'm not saying I'm not trying so hard to fight off sui thoughts right now. But I guess I'm doing it so why should I or anyone else care that if the littlest thing happens right now I'm going to fly off the handle when I'm not there?
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Blue_Bird
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#88
I had a much better day today than I had yesterday. For one, I didn't have a panic attack. Also something my friend ordered me came in the mail today so that was nice! I rearranged my furniture and it looks a lot better. I feel mentally balanced today. I did some exercises. I also meditated and journaled. I ate healthy, took my meds. Watched 2 movies, played some videogames, read and finished a book. Tomorrow will be even better because I'm adding back in the treadmill to my daily routine. I took a break from that due to lack of motivation. It's beena a week and a half since I started the vitamin D supplement my psychiatrist prescribed and my energy levels are soo much better it's unbelievable. I always thought my lack of energy was from my meds but maybe it wasn't. I was very deficient in vitamin D according to my bloodwork. Anyway, yeah good day today!
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#89
Quote:
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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New Member
Member Since Jul 2024
Location: united states
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#90
new member w BPD
rn I'm kinda eery & confused & lost |
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Blue_Bird, MuddyBoots
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Monster on the Hill
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#91
Welcome to MSF @anywhereanyone! I hope you can find some solace here. Hope you're feeling better today.
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Monster on the Hill
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#92
"This too shall pass."
WHEN?????? Oh yeah, in ten minutes, but then that stupid mofo comes back like a boomerang. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Blue_Bird
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#93
I'm doing relatively good, I'm going to the movie theater tomorrow. By myself. So that will be nice, and a good way to challenge my anxiety about going places myself
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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MuddyBoots
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#94
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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#95
I'm trying to learn to make wise mind decisions. I am a very impulsive person. So I'm trying to put the brakes on my impulsiveness and think through my actions and decisions more
Anyway, yeah my anxiety comes and goes lately. Sometimes it's there sometimes it's not. Sometimes there's days I panic and dissociate, somedays I have no panic or dissociation and feel great. Idk how to really predict it. I wish I could. I guess the best I can do is just get through it when it happens. Some things that help me when I'm dissociating or panicking: sleep really helps reset my brain or laying down under my weighted blanket and just closing my eyes helps too, with like a podcast or something on because I can't cope with silence it makes my anxiety worse Other things that help: Ice packs, I bought a 2 pack of ice packs awhile back on amazon, I always forget I have them in the freezer, but when I use them they are extremely effective at shocking me out of dissociation and panic Sometimes watching shows or movies helps, or playing a game that requires focus. Cleaning helps, it's a good distraction that requires physical activity. And a better environment equals better mental health. __________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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MuddyBoots
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,409
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#96
I hate that you're right, Bluebird. I am very much in emotion mind right now and have no clue how to get into wise mind. Well, I can think like I'm there if I spend all my effort getting and staying there, but actually staying in and acting like I'm there? Different story.
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Blue_Bird
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#97
trigger for drug use
Possible trigger:
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
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#98
I got like two hours of sleep last night, and now I'm really hungover. Another day of fighting SI here we gooo
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Blue_Bird
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#99
Proud of myself! Went to the movie theater by myself today! Really enjoyed the movie. That is something I’m gonna start doing more often
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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MuddyBoots
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Legendary Wise Elder
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Location: Middle Earth
Posts: 37,397
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11 14.9k hugs
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#100
__________________ “All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.” -St. Francis of Assisi
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MuddyBoots
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MuddyBoots
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