[Blue_Bird]

I’ve noticed there’s no check in thread in here for people with this disorder, I’ve also noticed it’s not a very active forum subsection. I hope people feel comfortable coming here and checking in with how your doing, how your day went, etc

I’ll start:

Today I went to see the new Avatar movie and really enjoyed it. It was long, and there was a group of people that kept talking throughout it which was irritating and distracting but I used mindfulness and fully blocked them out and zoned in on the movie and enjoyed it.

Some other skills I used today were distraction, coping statements, and wise mind

I had a pretty decent day. There were some ups and downs but it was a typical day, probably a 6 on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being the worst, 5 being neutral, and 10 being the best. I’m trying not to get frustrated/worked up over little things/paranoid over perceived slights

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[*Beth*]

I'm not diagnosed with BPD but I applaud your effort to start a check-in thread on this board @Blue_Bird. I wish I could tag other people on the forum who I know would appreciate this thread. Since I can't do that, I'll just say that I hope they see it, because it is so needed on the forum!

Oh- and good for you for coping so well with the talkers! Some years ago I decided that I was going to set a boundary with that. It took all the courage I had, but I just turned around and politely said, "Excuse me? Would you please stop talking so loudly? Thank you, I really appreciate it." I've found that when I do that, and show true appreciation, people do stop talking, or at least keep it to a bare minimum.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I'm not diagnosed with BPD but I applaud your effort to start a check-in thread on this board @Blue_Bird. I wish I could tag other people on the forum who I know would appreciate this thread. Since I can't do that, I'll just say that I hope they see it, because it is so needed on the forum!

Oh- and good for you for coping so well with the talkers! Some years ago I decided that I was going to set a boundary with that. It took all the courage I had, but I just turned around and politely said, "Excuse me? Would you please stop talking so loudly? Thank you, I really appreciate it." I've found that when I do that, and show true appreciation, people do stop talking, or at least keep it to a bare minimum.

Thanks Beth! I hope more people come to use it over time

That's a good idea with the asking people to stop talking loudly. I tend to be afraid of any kind of conflict and avoid it, so I'm always afraid to say something when something upsets me or bothers me. I have a fear that people will get mad at me and start yelling at me or something. That's usually unlikely though. It's just something I grew up around, not my mom, she was an alcoholic and unstable but wasn't mean or loud but sometimes some of the places we stayed there were very agressive people who would yell and throw things and as a kid that scared me and made me afraid of conflict.

[MuddyBoots]

I've been diagnosed with BPD at one point (and my therapist thinks I have it but I haven't been clean long enough to add a diagnosis), but that kinda flew to the wayside for most of my time in treatment. Like Beth, I hope this thread gains some traction for you and everyone else here with BPD/EUPD.

[Blue_Bird]

I woke up extremely late today. 10:30am when I normally am up by 4:30 or 5am everyday. I guess that's a good thing because I was not getting enough sleep before.

My mood is good. I have a headache that's starting. I tend to get them when I oversleep. I spent sometime downstairs talking to people who live in my building and that was nice.

My supportive housing specialist said we are due for our housing support plan so we're gonna meet tomorrow and do that.

I went grocery shopping today, got some good stuff.

Have an appointment with my therapist on Thursday. My diagnosis is technically schizoaffective bipolar type , my psychiatrist agreed that I likely also have BPD however she said she is very hesitant to put it down as an actual diagnosis because she said I've improved a lot and grown a lot over the years (I've been seeing both her and my therapist for 7 years)

So I don't really know where I fit on the boards here but I thought it would be a good idea to have a support thread here since there is none, and I know I still have things to work on.

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[Blue_Bird]

My mood has been stable for 2 weeks now. Anxiety is very low, sometimes not even really there at all. Big change to how I was feeling for a few months previously. Also haven't been dissociating.

Been focusing on learning the basics of photography. Started a free online 30 day course. So I'm learning the basics. It's a fun hobby.

Going to my friends house on Saturday. We're just gonna play some RPG board games/card games. Should be fun

I've been spending more time in the community room in the lobby of my apartment building (I live in supportive housing, the community room is open from early morning to night every single day) so I go in there and drink my coffee and text on my phone, or talk to people if there's anyone else down there, or do word puzzles, just to kind of force myself out of my apartment and try to socialize more. I do better when I get out of my apartment more. Even just taking a walk helps.

[Blue_Bird]

I've been doing really well. My mood has been good. My meds have helped immensely. Have some anxiety occasionally but I'm able to deal with it. Exercising helps too, it's a good release of nervous energy and is good for the endorphins etc.

I have an appointment with my therapist next Thursday then an appointment with my psychiatrist the Tuesday after that.

I hope other people eventually feel comfortable posting in this thread, it can be just how you're doing, or random stuff about your day, whatever you feel like posting. Feel like there's a lot of stigma with this diagnosis unfortunately and may lead people to not wanting to accept the diagnosis. I started reading the Borderline Personality Disorder Survival guide. It's very compassionate, non biased, and debunks myths and misconceptions about the disorder and is really hopeful and helpful. It's really refreshing to read something about this disorder that's not terrible or further stigmatizing. Anyway, I recommend it if anyone wants to see if their library has it. My library has the E-book version.

Went to the dentist the other day for an urgent care appointment. I binged and purged for over 10 years and that really did some damage to my teeth. I cracked a back tooth , a big piece broke off then a couple days later it got infected and had an abscess so I had to make an urgent care appointment to have the tooth removed. The infection is gone now. I feel a lot of regret about all the years of purging, bingeing, etc bad hygiene from the depressed phases . and so on that damaged my teeth. Wish I could go back in time and prevent all the damage those caused my teeth but I can only move forward. Thankfully I haven't binged or purged in around a year. Well, I've binged occasionally, but I completely stopped the purging a year and a half ago.

Anyway, I'm having a good chill weekend. Listening to some Adventure Club, Blackmill, and Krewella

[Blue_Bird]

I'm mostly doing okay today, a little anxious and paranoid but it's not extremely bad

Been eating healthy and exercising. Got a dental exam and cleaning the other day.

I feel a little annoyed about people in the building not setting timers for when their laundry will be done in the washer or dryer. So I frequently have to go get security from downstairs to remove clothing that's been sitting there for too long, so I can put my clothes in. I don't understand why this happens so frequently. It's not hard to set a timer and get your clothes out of the dryer or washer or switch your clothes to the dryer. People just leave stuff sitting in the washing machines all day. We're not supposed to do that, we're supposed to set timers to know when it's done.

Anyway, it's made my day a little long, doing my laundry. Also last night my downstairs neighbors were extremely loud until very late. It sounded like they were singing karaoke at 11:30pm. I don't complain about anything really ever in the building but sometimes people are just obnoxious with not being responsible with their laundry or being extremely loud, smoking weed in a smoke free/drug free building. I don't care what people do with their time but that can cause a fire.

I don't know, I've been a little irritable the past couple days and noises and small stuff is bothering me.

willowtigger got bpd/eupd and its been kicking her arse since yesterday

[Brentus]

I'm in such a better place than I was a year ago. DBT has been a blessing for me really, along with my meds and learning some some self-compassion. I've been really digging into my mental health lately-- looking at where I am, where I am going, where I've been. It's still a long ride ahead, but I'm proud of the progresses I've made. That's where I am today.

[Blue_Bird]

Hey willowtigger I hope things improve

Brentus it’s great that you’re doing a lot better

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[Blue_Bird]

I’m doing well, I went to yoga class today. It’s an hour long class done over zoom in the community room in my apartment building.

Helped my anxiety a lot

Also my doctor (psychiatrist) wrote a letter stating I’m stable in mood and can manage my own finances and become my own payee now. Im not anywhere near as impulsive as I used to be.

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[*Beth*]

How are you @Blue_Bird?

I'm so glad to see that there's a bit of activity on this thread. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD/EUPD, but I know I have a few traits. It seems to me that anyone who experienced chronic childhood trauma has at least some BPD traits. And so often bipolar disorder and BPD overlap.

I've always been confused by the "chronic feelings of emptiness" as one of the symptoms of BPD. I don't think I have that feeling, but then again I don't understand exactly what "feelings of emptiness" means. Can someone here describe it?

[Mendingmysoul]

I have read a research paper(PhD) that concluded that childhood trauma specially prolonged chronic invalidation leads to development of BPD.I have had chronic invalidation almost my entire life.I have been paying attention to my own feelings and behaviours.I do have grief and sadness that seems tobe always there, but no symptoms of BPD.I have these feelings like I donot know who I am,what I like or donot like,what are my life goals,what do I want to do,things like that.I am thinking that is what feelings of emptiness are.Its like you don't exist.

[*Beth*]

Thank you, Mmsoul.

[*Beth*]

This is from a good article (I don't recall the name of it) about "mental pain" (someone on this forum posted the link to the entire article, but I lost it). So the concept of the article stated, in essence, that mental pain is as real and valid as physical pain is and that really, there is no difference between the two. (Trigger for self harm.)

Possible trigger:

Patients with borderline personality disorder have a range of intense dysphoric affects, sometimes experienced as aversive tension, including rage, sorrow, shame, panic, terror, and chronic feelings of emptiness and loneliness. These individuals can be distinguished from other groups by the overall degree of their multifaceted emotional pain. This emotional pain has been interpreted as a response attempting to adapt to repetitive traumatic experiences in childhood such as the loss of a parent, parental mental illness, witnessed violence, emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Emotional pain is described as intense by people who suffer from borderline personality disorder, and has been associated with a high prevalence of reported childhood abuse.

Leibenluft et al. conceptualized self-mutilation as a need to feel a real physical pain as opposed to just an emotional pain. However this conceptualization is not congruent with the consistent reports of no pain upon self-mutilation. It has also been suggested that deliberate self-harm provides physical stimulation (i.e., pain) sufficiently compelling to divert the individual’s attention from painful emotional arousal; deliberate self-harm may serve to shift attentional focus away from emotional pain and toward physical pain.

Cant make sense of the stuff in the trigger thing, beth

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

How are you @Blue_Bird?

I'm so glad to see that there's a bit of activity on this thread. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD/EUPD, but I know I have a few traits. It seems to me that anyone who experienced chronic childhood trauma has at least some BPD traits. And so often bipolar disorder and BPD overlap.

I've always been confused by the "chronic feelings of emptiness" as one of the symptoms of BPD. I don't think I have that feeling, but then again I don't understand exactly what "feelings of emptiness" means. Can someone here describe it?

Hey Beth I'm doing well I am not sure about what the emptiness feeling means either, but maybe it means like never feeling fufilled? Like I know some common issues with this disorder are binge eating/bulimia,, overspending, substance abuse, etc I wonder if it has something to do with trying to fill a void one may subconsciously feel in ones life

At least, that's my experience. My psychiatrist is hesitant to diagnose me with it because I've improved so much over the years, so my diagnosis still stands as Schizoaffective disorder bipolar type but she did confirm that it's likely I have BPD, but am not nearly as symptomatic as I used to be. I used to be kind of a trainwreck with the impulsivity and stuff

willowtigger's brain is getting itself into a suicide mode

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Hey Beth I'm doing well I am not sure about what the emptiness feeling means either, but maybe it means like never feeling fufilled? Like I know some common issues with this disorder are binge eating/bulimia,, overspending, substance abuse, etc I wonder if it has something to do with trying to fill a void one may subconsciously feel in ones life
...

I'm so glad you're doing well I think your therapy is really helping you.

Never feeling fulfilled sounds like a good description of emptiness and it also sounds like it would be a miserable feeling to have.

You posted a while back about the laundry, people leaving it sit in the washers. I hear you! What the heck. Once a tenant here left his laundry sitting in the washer for such a long time it got mildewy and stunk badly. I wondered if her just wandered in there 5 days later and dried the icky-smelling clothes. Gross.