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Erecura
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Default Apr 02, 2023 at 03:27 PM
  #1
So my doctor suggested some of my issues sound like BPD symptoms (although he has not diagnosed me with a full blown disorder) and I just wonder if I really have it or not. It’s hell because it has made me doubt my whole emotional and romantic life and well… my whole self really. I was wondering if my relationship scheme might be a part of it and if someone here can relate or if it does not sound like BPD.

So I am in a middle of another relationship crisis and god I hate this. I have been with the guy for seven years and it is going to hell like all my relationships have so far. I meet a guy and usually I am like “meh,” I don’t honestly feel much but the guys seem to like me and it is flattering and warm and nice, so I sort of let them like me. Usually, when they initiate a relationship, I just go with the flow and try to find something nice about them that I also learn to like back. Funnily enough, even though I have never felt really head over heals for anyone I have never been with anyone for less than a year. I always feel like, if somebody really likes me and wants to be with me, I should give them a real chance as far as they are not a complete idiots.

But then after that year or so, I realise that I don’t feel really crazy about them or that they make me feel right down numb and want to break things off. And usually what I see is a ton of pain, regret, depression in their eyes which usually totally breaks me and I always agree on working on things with them even when I don’t feel anything for them. And since that point things start to siphon off for me, because I usually just feel sorry for them but not really interested, so they always start to go on my nerves with those puppy “please stay with me” eyes and I start to push them away with being really irritated by everything they do, I usually get angry on them breathing and we fight all the time. So eventually, I wait for them to break things off with me but they never do, even when I treat them real bad. So then I feel like **** for treating them bad while they seem to truly love me, so I try to tell myself that I should just be in love with their love for me but of course that never works.

Usually…after months of this I finally break up with them but as soon as I do and I learn that there is none to love me anymore, there are no puppy eyes to beg me to stay, I start to feel insanely lonely and basically instantly regret that. Most of the guys always want me to take them back so always do but then after another month I realize once again that taking them back was stupid and want to break up again, so the rollercoaster starts.

I have personally never initiated a relationship or getting back together thing with anyone. I just always let guys to do it, but I guess if I were more emotionally stable and less scared of being alone a breakup would just be a breakup no matter how many times the guy comes knocking on my door….

Is this a typical BPD thing?
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Default Apr 04, 2023 at 03:14 PM
  #2
That kind of sounds like a BPD thing, but I am not an expert or anything. Hopefully you will get plenty of responses to your post and will be able to get some really helpful information. So sorry that your life has been so rough.
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