How to stop flip-flopping and stick with "recovery"?

MuddyBoots · Oct 23, 2023 at 12:57 PM

Crisis center said I'll never recover. Was originally pissed, but believe them now. Since getting into treatment, I've been constantly switching between "must self-destruct until I die and bring everyone down with me" with "yeah, I want to be successful in life and spread the love," but "recovery mode" only lasts a few hours--a couple days. I'm sick of it, my treatment team is sick of it, everyone that cares about me is sick of it. They say addicts must reach bottom before really getting better. I think my bottom is six feet under. I don't understand any other "bottom," (Well, I do, but that's besides the point

)

Maybe I should reword this how to stop being a crisis junkie? Because that's what it boils down to.

CANDC · Oct 23, 2023 at 01:35 PM

@MuddyBoots I am sorry you feel like you always have to be in crisis. That must be very tiring.

Maybe the recovery team is not trying to discourage you by saying you will never recovers. Maybe they are saying none of us totally recover. We just learn to cope. We reinvent what we identify with. We find new ways of looking at life.

When I get depressed I clean up my room and I feel better. I have routines like exercising and doing yoga. I try to build myself up by focusing on something I can be grateful for, a bird singing, a flower blooming, the sun shining. A blue sky.

The problem I have when I feel depressed, I am totally focusing on myself. There are 8 billion other people in this world and most of them are suffering. Many of them do not have the basics of life. I think how fortunate I am that I am not living in a war torn country.

I am not telling you what to do, but what you seem to be saying is the way you have been seeing life is not showing you a brighter future. Would you consider changing ? To me that is the first step to recovery from whatever I am suffering from. @CANDC

AzulOscuro · Oct 24, 2023 at 06:38 AM

Hi, Moodyboots!
Maybe they are trying you to react.
I understand you felt kind of discouraging though.
Said that, what CANDC says it’s true. People don’t get cured from a personality disorder. But, with therapy and commitment to this therapy you can get to function pretty well. Please, don’t give it up.

MuddyBoots · Oct 25, 2023 at 04:09 AM

Thing is the peer working said she was in recovery 6 years so according to them it's totally possible to get better if it's not possible to be 100%. The way they were talking made it seem like it was me specifically that would never get better.

I sometimes look at the future in a positive manner. That's when I don't drink/use/binge/SH/screw around. Problem is I don't know how to keep that up 24/7 and when I can't keep that thinking up, I don't know how to keep the behavior up yet.

mote.of.soul · Oct 25, 2023 at 08:02 AM

Hey there MuddyBoots,

Have you tried attending AA and/or NA meetings? I'd definitely recommend them as a recovery tool and as a tool of support because even if you're not feeling in recovery mode, all you have to do is go and sit there at a meeting - among others who in a lot cases, may be feeling exactly the same way you are. And in so doing you're actually being proactive, for your life , in a positive way. And over time, inner doors may begin to open up. That's essentially how the growth takes place you see. You have to do something for yourself in that respect. So it's good. But by fixing yourself you're actually contributing to a positivity within society too, so I see that as very spiritual or just beneficial in many ways.

MuddyBoots · Oct 25, 2023 at 08:27 AM

I've tried a couple NA meetings (one in person and one online) and one AA meeting. Weren't my thing for a lot of reasons.

mote.of.soul · Oct 25, 2023 at 08:34 AM

So that's only three meetings, one in person one. They have a saying there that you should look for the similarities and not the differences. Don't be scared. Go.

mote.of.soul · Oct 25, 2023 at 08:41 AM

Another thing they say is: The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking - or drugging. That's it.

mote.of.soul · Oct 25, 2023 at 08:44 AM

You are welcome there.

MuddyBoots · Oct 25, 2023 at 01:25 PM

I dislike the NA programs so much that as soon as I ended the online NA meeting I used. One person was glorifying his use and no one stopped him. The in-person NA meeting was very chaotic, the meeting was fine but afterwards one person tried to hook up with me (and we ended up dating, using together, and shortly after we fought and took a break she OD'd so sorry if I don't want to go back to NA). The in-person AA meeting was okay, but there was a lot of God talk that was a little wearisome for someone who's religious/spiritual beliefs are constantly changing and usually don't involve a Christian God.
When I move I might go to another one, there's like three a day an hours drive away whereas where I'm likely moving has a crap ton at practically any hour and I could probably walk, take a bus, or hitch a ride since I'll be in sober living so maybe someone else might want to go too.

MuddyBoots · Oct 25, 2023 at 05:27 PM

Went for a walk. Found the path to recovery! Lots of bear shet, tons of blowdowns, pretty sure I heard a coyote. Came back in the dark, will return tomorrow.

How to stop flip-flopping and stick with "recovery"?

How to stop flip-flopping and stick with "recovery"?

Fuzzybear · Nov 03, 2023 at 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Crisis center said I'll never recover. Was originally pissed, but believe them now. Since getting into treatment, I've been constantly switching between "must self-destruct until I die and bring everyone down with me" with "yeah, I want to be successful in life and spread the love," but "recovery mode" only lasts a few hours--a couple days. I'm sick of it, my treatment team is sick of it, everyone that cares about me is sick of it. They say addicts must reach bottom before really getting better. I think my bottom is six feet under. I don't understand any other "bottom," (Well, I do, but that's besides the point

)

Maybe I should reword this how to stop being a crisis junkie? Because that's what it boils down to.

I guess they MIGHT have been trying to trigger you to get you to react and ''prove them wrong'' but its a Bullshyt way of ''working''.. It makes me so angry. I've experienced similar from the so called ''services'' which are absolutely deplorable here.

Please don't give up

(a friend completely gave up, mostly due to the deplorable ''care'' here, and that isn't a ''personality disorder'' speaking, too many of the ''professionals'' here irl are beyond useless and on the make

)

Fuzzybear · Nov 03, 2023 at 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

Went for a walk. Found the path to recovery! Lots of bear shet, tons of blowdowns, pretty sure I heard a coyote. Came back in the dark, will return tomorrow.

How to stop flip-flopping and stick with "recovery"?

Bear shet and coyotes cool

Have you been back?

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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,142 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,848 hugs given	Oct 25, 2023 at 08:27 AM #6 I've tried a couple NA meetings (one in person and one online) and one AA meeting. Weren't my thing for a lot of reasons. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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mote.of.soul Legendary Member Since Jan 2018 Location: New Zealand Posts: 13,136 (SuperPoster!) 6 21.9k hugs given	Oct 25, 2023 at 08:34 AM #7 So that's only three meetings, one in person one. They have a saying there that you should look for the similarities and not the differences. Don't be scared. Go. __________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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mote.of.soul Legendary Member Since Jan 2018 Location: New Zealand Posts: 13,136 (SuperPoster!) 6 21.9k hugs given	Oct 25, 2023 at 08:41 AM #8 Another thing they say is: The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking - or drugging. That's it. __________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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mote.of.soul Legendary Member Since Jan 2018 Location: New Zealand Posts: 13,136 (SuperPoster!) 6 21.9k hugs given	Oct 25, 2023 at 08:44 AM #9 You are welcome there. __________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,142 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,848 hugs given	Oct 25, 2023 at 05:27 PM #11 Went for a walk. Found the path to recovery! Lots of bear shet, tons of blowdowns, pretty sure I heard a coyote. Came back in the dark, will return tomorrow. __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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