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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
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#1
Crisis center said I'll never recover. Was originally pissed, but believe them now. Since getting into treatment, I've been constantly switching between "must self-destruct until I die and bring everyone down with me" with "yeah, I want to be successful in life and spread the love," but "recovery mode" only lasts a few hours--a couple days. I'm sick of it, my treatment team is sick of it, everyone that cares about me is sick of it. They say addicts must reach bottom before really getting better. I think my bottom is six feet under. I don't understand any other "bottom," (Well, I do, but that's besides the point
![]() Maybe I should reword this how to stop being a crisis junkie? Because that's what it boils down to. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Super Moderator
Community Support Team Community Liaison
Chat Leader Member Since May 2014
Location: Northeast USA New England
Posts: 17,701
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#2
@MuddyBoots I am sorry you feel like you always have to be in crisis. That must be very tiring.
Maybe the recovery team is not trying to discourage you by saying you will never recovers. Maybe they are saying none of us totally recover. We just learn to cope. We reinvent what we identify with. We find new ways of looking at life. When I get depressed I clean up my room and I feel better. I have routines like exercising and doing yoga. I try to build myself up by focusing on something I can be grateful for, a bird singing, a flower blooming, the sun shining. A blue sky. The problem I have when I feel depressed, I am totally focusing on myself. There are 8 billion other people in this world and most of them are suffering. Many of them do not have the basics of life. I think how fortunate I am that I am not living in a war torn country. I am not telling you what to do, but what you seem to be saying is the way you have been seeing life is not showing you a brighter future. Would you consider changing ? To me that is the first step to recovery from whatever I am suffering from. @CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
9 1,758 hugs
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#3
Hi, Moodyboots!
Maybe they are trying you to react. I understand you felt kind of discouraging though. Said that, what CANDC says it’s true. People don’t get cured from a personality disorder. But, with therapy and commitment to this therapy you can get to function pretty well. Please, don’t give it up. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
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#4
Thing is the peer working said she was in recovery 6 years so according to them it's totally possible to get better if it's not possible to be 100%. The way they were talking made it seem like it was me specifically that would never get better.
I sometimes look at the future in a positive manner. That's when I don't drink/use/binge/SH/screw around. Problem is I don't know how to keep that up 24/7 and when I can't keep that thinking up, I don't know how to keep the behavior up yet. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Creek Devil
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,458
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#5
Hey there MuddyBoots,
Have you tried attending AA and/or NA meetings? I'd definitely recommend them as a recovery tool and as a tool of support because even if you're not feeling in recovery mode, all you have to do is go and sit there at a meeting - among others who in a lot cases, may be feeling exactly the same way you are. And in so doing you're actually being proactive, for your life , in a positive way. And over time, inner doors may begin to open up. That's essentially how the growth takes place you see. You have to do something for yourself in that respect. So it's good. But by fixing yourself you're actually contributing to a positivity within society too, so I see that as very spiritual or just beneficial in many ways. __________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
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#6
I've tried a couple NA meetings (one in person and one online) and one AA meeting. Weren't my thing for a lot of reasons.
__________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Creek Devil
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,458
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#7
So that's only three meetings, one in person one. They have a saying there that you should look for the similarities and not the differences. Don't be scared. Go.
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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Creek Devil
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,458
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6 22.2k hugs
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#8
Another thing they say is: The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking - or drugging. That's it.
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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Creek Devil
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,458
(SuperPoster!)
6 22.2k hugs
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#9
You are welcome there.
__________________ "A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."- Dōgen
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
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#10
I dislike the NA programs so much that as soon as I ended the online NA meeting I used. One person was glorifying his use and no one stopped him. The in-person NA meeting was very chaotic, the meeting was fine but afterwards one person tried to hook up with me (and we ended up dating, using together, and shortly after we fought and took a break she OD'd so sorry if I don't want to go back to NA). The in-person AA meeting was okay, but there was a lot of God talk that was a little wearisome for someone who's religious/spiritual beliefs are constantly changing and usually don't involve a Christian God.
When I move I might go to another one, there's like three a day an hours drive away whereas where I'm likely moving has a crap ton at practically any hour and I could probably walk, take a bus, or hitch a ride since I'll be in sober living so maybe someone else might want to go too. __________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Monster on the Hill
Member Since Sep 2020
Location: by the river
Posts: 5,152
(SuperPoster!)
3 5,850 hugs
given ![]() |
#11
Went for a walk. Found the path to recovery! Lots of bear shet, tons of blowdowns, pretty sure I heard a coyote. Came back in the dark, will return tomorrow.
__________________ [Insert thought-provoking and comedic quote here] |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,438
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21 81.4k hugs
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#12
Quote:
![]() ![]() ![]() Please don't give up ![]() (a friend completely gave up, mostly due to the deplorable ''care'' here, and that isn't a ''personality disorder'' speaking, too many of the ''professionals'' here irl are beyond useless and on the make ![]() __________________ ![]() |
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,438
(SuperPoster!)
21 81.4k hugs
given ![]() |
#13
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