Long pattern of broken friendships and relationships due to my oversensitivy

I have a long history of broken friendships and relationships. I'm a lot older now and I've actually been married for 22 years, which is miraculous, even though it continues to be a rocky road.

But my pattern of abruptly ending friendships continues. And I'm very isolated socially. I've had friends, of course, but the typical scenario is that something will happen - or they will do something - where I feel very hurt and then I will cut all ties with that person. I'll either have an actual falling out/argument, or I'll just withdraw and not have any more contact with them.

This has happened so many times in my life. I know it's classic Borderline Personality Disorder but I've been unable to do much about it. Largely it is due to my over-sensitivity, specifically around feeling rejected. Often my feelings are off base and an over-reaction. But the the feelings are very real and very intense and they cloud my judgement completely.

I can feel it's about to happen again. Yesterday I felt really hurt about something a friend had posted on social media: about a get together they had had and my husband and I hadn't been invited (they are mutual friends of mine and my husband's). I feel out of all proportion hurt and upset about this. I feel incredibly rejected. I know this is another classic BPD trait. This one runs really deep for me and the feelings that come up are extremely powerful.

I asked my husband (who does not have Borderline Personality Disorder) if he felt upset that we hadn't been invited and he said he didn't feel upset by it. I told him I felt like withdrawing from the friendship with them and not going to an event this person has invited us to in a couple of weeks. My husband is encouraging me not to do that and to go to the other event as planned (because it's not just one person I'm upset with, it's the whole group by association).

But I am pissed. And I feel hurt and rejected. And I can tell myself I'm over-reacting (and I know intellectually that I am over-reacting), but that doesn't make the intense feelings go away. Inside my belly and my chest there is now a burning feeling of anger and hurt and once it catches fire like this it doesn't tend to go away. It continues to burn. And typically this leads to me ending the friendship. Or just withdrawing to a point where it ends naturally. And that's it. I don't look back and that friendship is over forever.

I'm already isolated and I know it's not a good idea to cut even more people out of my life. I don't even see these people very much as it is. But these feelings are really difficult to manage. And they are eating away at me.

Just wanted to express that somewhere where others might understand. Thanks!

When these overwhelming feelings of rejection come on, remember you don't know why the action occurred:
It is possible they forgot to invite you.
It is possible that they sent you an invite through social media but the internet ate it. ;-)
It is also possible that they prefer to hang out with you and your husband in a different setting (less family, different friends, more quaint...)
These are all just speculations. So, perhaps you just aren't supposed to be at this event?

Thank you! It's very unlikely they forgot to invite us. But it is definitely possible - even likely - that they meant no ill will. Even in my current state, where my depression has me feeling somewhat paranoid, it's very hard for me to seriously believe they have suddenly decided they no longer like us.

But it did/does hurt. And it was unusual. Even though I'm not 12 anymore and these things really shouldn't effect me to this degree. But with this disorder, there is this constant, giant gulf between my intellect and reason and my emotional response. And my emotions always get the better of me. Thank you again for your feedback

@Exoskeleton - So I don't know if this will make sense to you, but I am a Cancer zodiac sign and I am so sensitive to these kinds of things that I react this exact same way. I would feel extremely hurt too! My sensitivity gets so bad too, that if my friends tag each other on Facebook and don't mention me, I immediately withdraw and feel left out.

Your feelings are valid to me. But like the other poster said maybe there were some reasons why this happened - I would hate to see you lose your friends over a misunderstanding. It's hard when you're dealing with BPD too, but if it's bugging you that much, is it possible to tell one of them how you're feeling? I know confrontation isn't my thing either, but I wouldn't want it to eat away at you and make you depressed. Consider it, maybe it will help!

Thank you so much for validating my feelings. That means a lot This was definitely unusual and unexpected. There are about 8 - 10 of us who get together every couple of months or so. It is possible this was a more spontaneous gathering, but it's still odd they didn't text me.

Yes! I think I will find a way to somehow ask/express my feelings, in as non-confrontational and casual a way as possible. I think I need to do that for my own peace of mind. Hopefully that will make it easier for me to move on. Thanks for suggesting that too!

I would’ve felt confused too if this happened to me, but I commend you on stepping back and realising you don’t want to cut these people out of your life.

These days I try to take interactions as they come and not presume or assume what others may or may not be thinking. Life is tough enough for sure without this overthinking I for one am prone to doing.

Hoping you’re feeling better today and proud of yourself for making a good choice about how you react.

I just wanted to say good job on not reacting rashlyI know how hard that can be in a situation like this with BPD. Sounds like you're practicing wise mind, whether you know it or not

Thank you! Even though I didn't get a chance yet to ask anyone about this I am really glad I didn't do anything rash (which, unfortunately, I have done so many times before!)

Thanks so much. I have reacted really strongly (and badly) to situations like this in the past and I always end up feeling even worse afterwards. My feelings about the whole thing are already much less intense than they were a few days ago, so I'm especially relieved I didn't go nuts to any of them!!