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Forums Index > Mental Health Support > Personality Place > Borderline Personality Disorder

Folder icon How do you navigate relationships with BPD?

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MuddyBoots
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Default Oct 08, 2024 at 10:21 AM
  #1
This guy said he has feelings for me (well, what he said said he had feelings for me), and I don't know if I actually want to be with him because we'd have a good relationship or just because I'm looking for someone, anyone, to be on my side, and this is a huge pattern with me. I'm trying to determine if I should be on the safe side and just keep my distance or go with how I feel but try to detach myself and shove more reason into my thinking/decision making.

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FooZe
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Default Oct 10, 2024 at 04:12 AM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuddyBoots View Post
...
I'm trying to determine if I should be on the safe side and just keep my distance or go with how I feel but try to detach myself and shove more reason into my thinking/decision making.
It sounds to me as if you have the makings of a dialectic there. "Going with how you feel" is going to get you into one kind of trouble; forcing your thinking/decision making toward what sounds more reasonable is going to get you into another kind of trouble; and the real question becomes: which kind of trouble (or which parts of each kind) do you prefer?

Another way to put that (though it hardly sounds like the same conversation) might be:

1. You can get either of those choices (or any combination of the two) to work for you if you're willing to accept whatever the result is and learn something from it; and

2. You can transform either of those choices (or any combination of the two) into a disaster if you tell yourself, "Well, that was obviously the wrong choice, and now I know better than to ever do anything like it again!"
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