[easy goer]

sorry I am confused this is my first time here and I cant figure out if this is a chat room or a forum w/ messages. i clicked on chat and this is what i got...

Anyhow I strongly suspect my wife is borderline, she just returned from psych ward, her third time going back 15 years. i dont know how to deal with here. She simpyly cannot sit down and relax w/ me and talk or do anything romantic at this time. she has obsession/compulsion really bad and cant put anything down to just relax. We set aside 10,30 pm to talk and relax and everynight it is the same thing, she is on the computer or doing scrap book or whatever. she does that till she is exhausted then falls asleep. I tolk her this mornign this is killing me..

Lack of sex is also frustrating, she is on respridal which she did well on 5+ years ago but I cant recall if our sex life was that bad back then. they just gave her seroquel the other day. does anyone have any experience with either esp. seroquel as to which one might lead to better sexual desire?

Also what can I do to support her? She has major self esteem issues and I guess the crafts are a way of compensating, she has a need to play outdoors constantly which I gues is a way to work off anxiety. She used to be very kind lvoing and now is cold. she seems to fit the profile of borderline ot a "tee" although she does not engage in self destructive behaviour other than perhaps pushing beyond her limts physically and lack of sleep when driving a bus which she used to do..

ANyone with help thanks!

Also anyone that is suffering with illness; you have my blessings and support. thanks all.

[Michah]

Originally Posted by easy goer

sorry I am confused this is my first time here and I cant figure out if this is a chat room or a forum w/ messages. i clicked on chat and this is what i got...Welcome! Glad you found us

Anyhow I strongly suspect my wife is borderline, she just returned from psych ward, her third time going back 15 years. i dont know how to deal with here.Has she been diagnosed with anything to support psych admissions? She simpyly cannot sit down and relax w/ me and talk or do anything romantic at this time. she has obsession/compulsion really bad and cant put anything down to just relax. We set aside 10,30 pm to talk and relax and everynight it is the same thing, she is on the computer or doing scrap book or whatever. she does that till she is exhausted then falls asleep. I tolk her this mornign this is killing me..What support do you have outside your marriage? Get help if you can. It is often as hard if not harder sometimes for the "carer".

Lack of sex is also frustrating, she is on respridal which she did well on 5+ years ago but I cant recall if our sex life was that bad back then. they just gave her seroquel the other day. does anyone have any experience with either esp. seroquel as to which one might lead to better sexual desire?Is she still on the respiradol? Anti-psychotic by injection mostly and pretty old school as medications go. Seroquel is very good and more modern, less side-effects. Are there psychotic elements to your wifes pathology? And yes, unfortunately, some meds can interfere with libido, however it could be more part of the pathology of how she is feeling inside. Depression, maybe? Seroquel should a bit with that.

Also what can I do to support her?Must get help for self first......you sound like you are at saturation point. Need to "step' out of situation and practice objectivity otherwise you will feel VERY overwhelmed. You are doing well, sweetie, doing well. She has major self esteem issues and I guess the crafts are a way of compensating, she has a need to play outdoors constantly which I gues is a way to work off anxiety. She used to be very kind lvoing and now is cold. she seems to fit the profile of borderline ot a "tee"Is this something that has been discussed with health care professionals? although she does not engage in self destructive behaviour other than perhaps pushing beyond her limts physically and lack of sleep when driving a bus which she used to do..

ANyone with help thanks!

Also anyone that is suffering with illness; you have my blessings and support. thanks all.

Thanks for blessings, easy goer. You are struggling with a great amount of responsibility and lack of intimacy. Unfortunately, the more you seek support and interaction with your wife the more you ultimately let yourself down. She does not sound well enough cognitively to understand your pain and probably feels completely ineffectual in doing anything about it. Her pain, in her mind, is paramount. Afterall, she has to keep herself going and keep herself living. Unfortunately, when this unwell, some people can become very self-absorbed as a survival technique. I have done it myself. I use all my power to stay alive through the really bad times. It leaves little room for my partner in those times. It sounds to me that she is not being treated that well in her journey from her mental health carers. I have many questions but shall give you time to respond to the ones above.

Above all, lets concentrate on you. You cannot do this alone. You need to understand how you fit into this scenario. Love for your wife, a sense of humour and dedication are long term life savers, but it is the everyday things that really wear us down. When mentally ill and in a down period, functionality, survival and getting through everyday feels like hell. There is very little "space" for the nice stuff. Nice stuff almost feels like it is on a distant planet. The coldness could be a reflection of that. Remember, it is not "because" of you that this is happening. Let go of the fear and you will probably see your wifes situation in a different light, because your survival does not rest on hers. Practice impartiality if you can. But you need help to do this. It is not uncommon for carers to seek help from a therapist in this situation. You must also look after your own mental health in order to support your wife.

You are doing very well, despite the frutration, anguish and sadness that you feel. You are a good man who wants to see your wife have a better life and you have taken the first step in asking for support. What you feel is NOT out of the norm for anyone in the situation of seeing their lifes partner suffer. You are experiencing protracted grief and need some clarity on how to deal with it........keep going, have faith and you are welcome here anytime....