[vanessa22]

Is a 12 Step Group is a must ..?

Is a 12 Step Group is a must ..?

From recovering from an addiction/disorder, is a 12 step a must? Is finding a "Higher Power" a must?
Im recovering from an Eating disorder, and I have started out with a 12 step group Overeaters Anonymous. I don't wanna continue because some of it is opposite from recovery for me as i was diagnosed with Bulimia, and spiraled into anorexia this year. The binging part came back after all the deprivation. I just found a 12 step for eating disorders-not just OA, and their goal is to find BALANCE. that's their focus. But when it comes to 12 steps, i don't like the fact that it suggests SO much is wrong with US, like steps to admit default of character, ask god to remove certain aspects of ourselves.. and also to believe and relie on god/find a higher power.
I don't think that looking at part of ourselves, and making them into bad things and rejecting parts of our personality would be helfull for a person with an eating disorder. As i believe, recovery from an eating disorder is largely based on SELF ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE.
And this whole higher power thing.. i just never got it. I still don't. I simply, DONT GET IT. Like a math question in school to be solved or a riddle... I don't GET it ??

Do you believe whatever works for you, works for you? Or are some methods, A "MUST" ?

[precious things]

There is no must treatment....what works for some would never work for others. I personally wouldn't set foot near a 12 step for the very reasons you mentioned but that's not to say somebody else here hasn't had a positive experience with it.

I think we all blaze our own path to recovery...it's a deeply personal and individual process.

I am simply unable to do this 12 step thingy and I'm recovering just fine.

I refuse to admit I'm powerless, and I will not give my power over to anyone or anything ever again ... That somehow echoes the total hopelessness and helplessness I felt and experienced growing up in the hands of my abusers.

There are alternative programs to the AA model if you feel a need to be in some kind of program in order to recover, but if you choose to go it on your own with just you and a good therapist, that's okay too.

[vanessa22]

thanks guys

[spondiferous]

I've had mixed success.
I sobered up in AA, and I loved it. But for the three years that I was super active in that fellowship I felt pretty crappy about myself. I still had so much guilt and shame.
I had a huge episode - panic attacks, agoraphobia, psychosis, OCD, homicidal/suicidal urges - around that time and as a result I drifted away from the program. Everyone kept telling me things like if I prayed hard enough and meditated enough it would go away, or at least get better. But I knew they were wrong. And the idea of a HP as defined by the 12 steps does not work for me. I'm Pagan. I don't believe that God does stuff for me. I believe that each of us is a piece of God and that we can always be open to assistance and support from the Universe, but that essentially we are responsible for ourselves.
I also do not believe that we are 'damaged' or 'broken', or that we stay sick, as is the 12 step suggestion.
If you can find it, and you're looking for a program of some sort for support, I would suggest reading up on the 16 steps. 'Many Roads, One Journey' by Charlotte Kasl changed my thinking on recovery. I still get the fear in me that only 12 step programs can work, because unfortunately that was my programming early on. I'm now trying to undo it, because I believe it's holding me back.
However, they can be a great source of support. The important thing, I think, is to do what the program actually suggests - take what you like and leave the rest - and ignore what most of the people in there say.

[vanessa22]

Originally Posted by spondiferous

I've had mixed success.
I sobered up in AA, and I loved it. But for the three years that I was super active in that fellowship I felt pretty crappy about myself. I still had so much guilt and shame.
I had a huge episode - panic attacks, agoraphobia, psychosis, OCD, homicidal/suicidal urges - around that time and as a result I drifted away from the program. Everyone kept telling me things like if I prayed hard enough and meditated enough it would go away, or at least get better. But I knew they were wrong. And the idea of a HP as defined by the 12 steps does not work for me. I'm Pagan. I don't believe that God does stuff for me. I believe that each of us is a piece of God and that we can always be open to assistance and support from the Universe, but that essentially we are responsible for ourselves.
I also do not believe that we are 'damaged' or 'broken', or that we stay sick, as is the 12 step suggestion.
If you can find it, and you're looking for a program of some sort for support, I would suggest reading up on the 16 steps. 'Many Roads, One Journey' by Charlotte Kasl changed my thinking on recovery. I still get the fear in me that only 12 step programs can work, because unfortunately that was my programming early on. I'm now trying to undo it, because I believe it's holding me back.
However, they can be a great source of support. The important thing, I think, is to do what the program actually suggests - take what you like and leave the rest - and ignore what most of the people in there say.

Thanks! Sometimes to think 12 steps is the only way holds me back too, and I don't wanna fall for it anymore. I wanna let it go, and just to remember all the good stuff I did learn. I don't wana believe I am powerless and always will be, I DO believe full recovery IS possible. And, recovering from an eating disorder isn't quite the same as an addiction,- its more about self esteem- and the steps where we must find our "faults" and ask god to remove them... maybe that can help an addict in discovering their negative behavior and such, but recovering from an eating disorder is more about accepting who you are. Change your negative behaviors yes, admit to faults yes, whatever needs to be bettered to improve your recovery yes, but not as if everything is your fault and you have all these aspects that must be "removed from god". Nobodys perfect, and I am not in recovery to become a saint. or a perfect person with no flaws or nothing wrong with them.
Besides life itself doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderfull.
They claim their all about not being perfect and saints and what not, but I bet you every single long goer of OA truly believes their was is the ONLY/RIGHT way. Even when I told some of them I was in another treatment-more coordinated for my eating disorder as a total - CBT therapy , more helpful with my diagnosis of Bulimia, they kinda looked at it as.. Why do I need that, their ways the only usefull way... I think.

And I seen a girl in my doctors office once from my group, she asked me how I was doin and stuff, and then said "well I hope to see ya come back [to group meeting] " I Immediately thought to myself "um.. I don't!" See another thing with them they always go to those meetings.. like for the rest of their life. They don't believe in full recovery. Im sorry, but recovery is tough and frankly, I don't wanna be in recovery for the rest of my life! I believe life is meant to be wonderfull as we make it, we who were struck with an eating disorder, ok it wasn't our choice, but it doesn't have to be a life long sentence. We have the power to overcome it, to beat it. Just like people beat cancer. Eating Disorders and addictions I believe are NOT an "incurable disease". Just like the guy on the movie "The Secret " said , "Incurable means curable from within". You can chose to believe other wise, but the question is, what life do you WANT? a recovered life? Or a life of struggling and still in recovery?

If you want it, you can have it.
We can do and have anything we want, I believe.

[roads]

AA & the "12-step" theory works great for me--but most AA groups don't, & I've only had two AA sponsors over the years who supported me.
I took the program & made it my own, & I've been sober 20+ yrs now, continue working "my program ... one day at a time."
I think there's a path to sobriety for everyone. Some stop cold turkey and sweat it out, then remember the shakes & sickness to keep from drinking again. Some turn to God.
Find your true, unique path and hold to it ... one day at a time seems like a good working approach.
Roadie

[shortandcute]

I don't believe a 12 step program is mandatory.

[spondiferous]

I agree that whatever we do it has to be something that works for us. I have recovered by the AA philosophy for 7 years of sobriety but I need something different now, something that acknowledges my experience in recovery, not addiction.

[vanessa22]

Originally Posted by Roadie

AA & the "12-step" theory works great for me--but most AA groups don't, & I've only had two AA sponsors over the years who supported me.
I took the program & made it my own, & I've been sober 20+ yrs now, continue working "my program ... one day at a time."
I think there's a path to sobriety for everyone. Some stop cold turkey and sweat it out, then remember the shakes & sickness to keep from drinking again. Some turn to God.
Find your true, unique path and hold to it ... one day at a time seems like a good working approach.
Roadie

Great for you on the 20 years
Hope my path comes clearer soon , Ive had moments where ive felt recovered, one day at a time I hope it gets easier and clearer.. I think I got a good idea, just takes practice. I know its time to move on..