It has been ____days since I purged.

Good job harmonyinheart! One day at a time, you can do it! ☺

I'm up to 10 days with no bingeing and/or purging. A new record since March. I have the urge to do it, yet I really don't want to go through it. I am struggling with the thoughts : If I don't do it, will I regret missing my opportunity? (Silly, I know because if it comes down to it I can do it any day) but I make rules up like I can't do it within 5 days of having previously done it. And some days I think about in the future, like will I want to do it then? If I do then I have to do it by this day so I have the X number of days in between. If I don't do it, then if I feel I need it in the meantime before the specified day, what will I do?

I don't know if any of that made sense to anyone, but that is what I'm struggling most with right now.

Well done harmonyinheart!

11 days. Today will be 12-I think I can make it

Hang in there harmonyinheart!

Made the 12. Today will be 13

Yes harmonyinheart! Well done!

What do you find helps you to stay away from purging?

Keep hanging in there!

Fear of absorbing calories and taking in more than I would have in a given day than if I just ate my meals is one thing that helps.

I also really despise all the cleaning that I need to do before and after a binge/purge episode. I have OCD so sticking my head in the toilet- that toilet Better be super clean, before and after.

And I hate that I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars over the years on food that is essentially just flushed down the toilet.

And I hate the lying -even if it is not blatant , there is dishonesty that runs through so much eating disordered behavior, especially since I live with my mom right now. She would not be able to handle t if she knew I was back into bulimia.

And let's not forget that swollen glands in the face and throat are never a pleasure.

If I thought more I could come up with oodles more reasons I'm sure.
Thanks for asking. It helps to remind myself. I appreciate it very much.

You're welcome!

Made it 13 days. Today will be 14-2 weeks I can't believe it.

I can believe it.

Congratulations!

Yesterday was day 14. Holy s!?!$. I'm unsure if I can hold off another day though.

More congratulations!

What can help you hold off for today?

Hang in there!

Great job harmonyinheart! You can do it

day 55 I have been overeating a bit, but I have NOT binged or purged which is the main thing, just got to stay on track. Can't believe this weekend will be 60 whole days

That's amazing! Great job. Your success is encouraging

I slipped and BP'd last night. I made it 14 days without. Back to day one today.

Congratulations harmonyinheart for your long run of 14 days! No one can take that away from you. Hang in there, you can start another good run!

What was going on such that you slipped?

I think the pressure of maintaining such a streak of no BPingwas part of it. I was so concerned about when it would happen next and had so many obsessive thoughts regarding it I gave in with the foolish hope that these would go away. I felt if I do it now than it will be days before I will feel like I [I]should[I] do it or days before I worry about holding out because I hate it so much it will be not a problem for a few days after I do do it. If that makes sense.

Yes, it makes sense to me that a streak can itself become a source of added pressure, and that you could think about it as you did, and then BP almost as an experiment if you will, to see if the thoughts would go away.

What did you find out: to what extent did the thoughts go away, at least for a time?

Was 14 days your longest streak ever, or in a long time?

I think that you are doing good work right now on BP, , even though you had that slip. It sounds like it might be helpful to think about and/or speak to your therapist about how to deal with the pressure that may come again if you go a long time without BP.

Well the specific thoughts about BPing have left- the worries about when will I do it next and how long can I hold out etc. now I just think about how I hate it- which isn't so bad I guess. But if the past predicts the future this will last a few days and then I will start debating with myself again

And the 14 day streak was the longest having gone without in a long time, not ever. I actually began throwing up when I was in the hospital for anorexia in 2000. After being released I was severlybbulimic in no time. Then, for years, I would go through periods of remission and periods where the bulimia and anorexic tendencies and thoughts reigned. In college the bulimia worsened more than ever, around 2007-2011. Much of that time was I bulimic, terribly so. Than after graduation I'm 2012 I moved in with my mom as I couldn't afford my own place anymore so I only purged and BPd occasionally. That is, until this March. It returned with a vengeance. I have BPd more since March than I have in the last five years combined, about 100 times at least. It became almost daily very quickly. Then in May I decreased the frequency a little and June a little more and in July I purged only 5 times. Last night was my first in a August, first in two weeks.

So I know I can go without for a lot longer because I have. I just have to get there. It's just I find so much safety in my ED behaviors. I wish I had a counselor that specialized in EDs. I used to, two different ones actually, but one left her practice and my insurance stopped covering the other.

I have Medicare as my primary insurance because I'm on SSDI, and they only cover counselors with a social work degree or licensure-there are none with those credentials and ED specialization anywhere remotely close to me. My new counselor has work d with EDs but made it clear she is not in any way a specialist. My psychiatrist is trying to work a bit with me on it, but we have a lot else to work on. I had a dietician for almost four years but Medicare won't pay for nutritional services now unless I'm in renal failure, diabetic or getting a kidney transplant. Ridiculous insurance.
So I will only be seeing my dietician every 6 weeks and paying out of pocket rather than the once a week visits. She specializes in EDs so was helpful for a lot more than mere nutritional counseling.
That was long winded. I am sorry. Had to get it out I guess.

Thanks for all of your ongoing support. I really really appreciate it.