i'll never understand it at all

how a family, such as mine, can treat their children so bad all their lives (abuse them, make them feel unloved, tell them they are unloved) lock them in their bedroom, not give them normal childhood experiences.. you have to remember my childhood was all ready cut short by the start of my MI journey, and it is so unfair.

I blame my family for a lot during the early years, and how I wish I could have those years back (just to live like a normal kid)

play with toys, spill milk on the carpet, sing twinkle twinkle... yeah.... my childhood sucked

it's made worse by my family not caring in the slightest.

they are all now on another continent, not caring at all what happens to me

great isn't it?

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry your childhood was so awful. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have children.

But you have survived it and can make your future better. You are strong. Overcome.

This is why I kind of believe in forced sterilization in some cases. People want to think I'm cruel for saying that. The problem is there's no clear way of telling who will be an abusive or neglectful parent, until they ARE a parent, and by then it is much too late. If there were a definite way to tell for certain, I'd say, make it a policy. Instead, the most I can do as a free-thinking individual, is make sure the cycle ends with me.

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I'm sorry your childhood was so awful. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have children.

But you have survived it and can make your future better. You are strong. Overcome.

I don't feel strong though

but I wish I was, or felt it

[OliverB]

I don't understand iit either, but I send you hugs from here. I had an awful childhood too, I know, it hurts a lot...

[Open Eyes]

Unfortunately, a lot of individuals have children and have no idea the amount of responsibility raising a child really is. A lot of parents have no idea what child development is, the kind of nurturing a child really needs and how very dependent and vulnerable that child really is. Also, that children can have learning challenges and may need a lot of support when they are trying to learn and grow and where the way they learn may not fit the norm that our educational system considers how children are supposed to learn.

As children, we are very dependent and we don't know what it means when a parent doesn't fill our needs and give us the kind of nurturing that helps us grow into healthy functioning adults. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that become parents and don't know how to actually "love" their children either. Often a parent believes a child already has a set personality that the parent has to control and discipline all the time. Often a child that has a genuine need for nurturing, gets yelled at instead and even treated like their need is a bad thing. Sadly, a lot of the bad dysfunctional things that parents do are handed down in the family from one generation to the next. Often the problem is "ignorance" more than anything else.

I have seen people practice very dysfunctional ways in their parenting practices. Often parents actually contribute to bad behavior rather than correcting it in a nurturing way. I had a student that was a challenge for me to teach and when her mother was around I would get lost in which was worse the mother or the child and I really wondered if the mother was the reason behind the challenge I faced when I spent time with the child. Often I found that to be the case too. Little children are sponges that pick up a great deal from their parents. It's not surprising considering the lack of knowledge that so many children experience childhood emotional neglect.

Originally Posted by ennui.

This is why I kind of believe in forced sterilization in some cases. People want to think I'm cruel for saying that. The problem is there's no clear way of telling who will be an abusive or neglectful parent, until they ARE a parent, and by then it is much too late. If there were a definite way to tell for certain, I'd say, make it a policy. Instead, the most I can do as a free-thinking individual, is make sure the cycle ends with me.

I agree with this 100%. My brother is an example. He has 8 kids by 5 different women. He doesn't see any of them (thank god) He is an abuser too. He should be forced to have sterilization

Originally Posted by ennui.

This is why I kind of believe in forced sterilization in some cases. People want to think I'm cruel for saying that. The problem is there's no clear way of telling who will be an abusive or neglectful parent, until they ARE a parent, and by then it is much too late. If there were a definite way to tell for certain, I'd say, make it a policy. Instead, the most I can do as a free-thinking individual, is make sure the cycle ends with me.

My solution would be requiring a license to become a parent and in order to obtain said license, require mandatory psychological testing towards prospective parents to identify potential abusers and and if they fail the testing, they aren't allowed to have kids and if they have kids anyways, the kids get taken away. Also, make sure said parents make enough money to support their kids and they don't spend their money on things like drugs or alcohol because having children that you can't properly feed, clothe, and protect should be another form of child abuse all together.

[Travelinglady]

My mother said she had children because "everybody else was having them."

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i'll never understand it at all

how a family, such as mine, can treat their children so bad all their lives (abuse them, make them feel unloved, tell them they are unloved) lock them in their bedroom, not give them normal childhood experiences.. you have to remember my childhood was all ready cut short by the start of my MI journey, and it is so unfair.

I blame my family for a lot during the early years, and how I wish I could have those years back (just to live like a normal kid)

play with toys, spill milk on the carpet, sing twinkle twinkle... yeah.... my childhood sucked

I so agree.

[eskielover]

I didnt want to have any kids because I knew I couldnt relate expecially to babies & little kids & there was no way I could just give birth to a college grad. My focus was on my college degree & a career & I wasnt going to allow anything to mess that up.

Ended up married to a dysfunctional guy with the same dysfunction as my dad....but at least he was the oldest of 4 so he knew how to take care of babies so taking care of our daughter was his job.. & my parents stepped in also.

Im glad NOW to have my daughter but all the high functioning disability that filled the family that no one even ever acknoeledged was very interesting.it wasnt until 60 I finally sorted out all the why's & how's.

Im sure overall I really NEVER should have had s child & being so determined to be nothing like my mom, I found my own unique wsy to be dysfunctional....but it was nothing like my mom.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I didnt want to have any kids because I knew I couldnt relate expecially to babies & little kids & there was no way I could just give birth to a college grad. My focus was on my college degree & a career & I wasnt going to allow anything to mess that up.

Ended up married to a dysfunctional guy with the same dysfunction as my dad....but at least he was the oldest of 4 so he knew how to take care of babies so taking care of our daughter was his job.. & my parents stepped in also.

Im glad NOW to have my daughter but all the high functioning disability that filled the family that no one even ever acknoeledged was very interesting.it wasnt until 60 I finally sorted out all the why's & how's.

Im sure overall I really NEVER should have had s child & being so determined to be nothing like my mom, I found my own unique wsy to be dysfunctional....but it was nothing like my mom.

Sounds like you have done a lot of work and are appreciating the clarity it's brought you. I'm sorry it was so hard for you as a child. These stories of childhoods never get easier to hear. Take care of yourself.

Originally Posted by eskielover

I didnt want to have any kids because I knew I couldnt relate expecially to babies & little kids & there was no way I could just give birth to a college grad. My focus was on my college degree & a career & I wasnt going to allow anything to mess that up.

Ended up married to a dysfunctional guy with the same dysfunction as my dad....but at least he was the oldest of 4 so he knew how to take care of babies so taking care of our daughter was his job.. & my parents stepped in also.

Im glad NOW to have my daughter but all the high functioning disability that filled the family that no one even ever acknoeledged was very interesting.it wasnt until 60 I finally sorted out all the why's & how's.

Im sure overall I really NEVER should have had s child & being so determined to be nothing like my mom, I found my own unique wsy to be dysfunctional....but it was nothing like my mom.

I don't intend on ever having kids myself because I don't see myself being a good parent because of my messed up past.

I would probably be at the very least irresponsible if not outright abusive because I have such trouble getting past my own insecurities.

I don't want to turn into my mother; I'm too good for that.

[Fuzzybear]

That song... twinkle twinkle little star
So many bad memories.. won't go there

I do wonder why do some parents have kids ........

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

That song... twinkle twinkle little star
So many bad memories.. won't go there

I do wonder why do some parents have kids ........

I can't even remember the words to that song.
Maybe good thing.
((((((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))))))))))

Originally Posted by Trace14

I can't even remember the words to that song.
Maybe good thing.
((((((((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))))))))))

the only thing I remember about that song, is that it somehow had the same tune as the alphabet song (I never really knew why that was), but figured their had to be a reason for it

[Hypopup]

I don't know. Well my mom actually wanted me but I don't know why it had to be him. Why couldn't I be born as someone else and have one who cared about me? Maybe if I was born with half different DNA I wouldn't have any problem with myself..I'm sure I wouldn't hate myself so much.

I miss being a kid because being an adult is not something I ever wanted. The funny thing is my childhood hurts me more now as a memory than it did back then. It always sucked but the innocence of being a child made you cope with it and then the bigger issue is it set me up for failure. I got a diagnosis late in life because of them thinking my mental problems were just part of my bad home life and so I didn't get the extra help I needed.

I will never understand what the purpose is of having kids when you don't want them. It is not only difficult for the child but wouldn't it be difficult for you? I can't imagine he loved my mom enough. She said he was nice to him in the beginning but when you consider how I've seen him, even in his shortly lived better days did he really want to have one?

Originally Posted by Anonymous37914

This is why I kind of believe in forced sterilization in some cases. People want to think I'm cruel for saying that.

It sounds cruel on the surface but it's actually a really good idea. If you know someone's abusive why should they be able to have children?

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

My solution would be requiring a license to become a parent and in order to obtain said license, require mandatory psychological testing towards prospective parents to identify potential abusers and and if they fail the testing, they aren't allowed to have kids and if they have kids anyways, the kids get taken away. Also, make sure said parents make enough money to support their kids and they don't spend their money on things like drugs or alcohol because having children that you can't properly feed, clothe, and protect should be another form of child abuse all together.

This sounds like a good idea. However the word "test" makes me nervous since I might have children one day (that is if I love the man enough though I know my clock is ticking). The tests I most frequently take are the personality tests for employment and I hate those so much. I presume this test wouldn't be anything like that though? I just hope it's not something that can be failed if you have a low IQ/mental disability. It should be checked enough for error.