[Trace14]

Another great article by Dr. Jonice Webb
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...lly-neglected/

Part of the article.
5 Things You Must Do if You Grew Up Emotionally Neglected

1.Accept the unacceptable: You have needs, just like every human being on the planet. Needing and wanting things from people is not a sign of weakness, it’s simply a sign of being alive. Your needs are healthy and acceptable, and it’s important that you own them.

2.Make friends with your enemies: All your life your emotions have seemed your enemies; perhaps they have even been your secret shame. You’ve believed you should not have them. But now, to heal you must invite them to play a larger role in your life. Begin to honor your feelings, learn how to name, manage and use them, and they will enliven your life in a very good way. They will tell you what you want, what to do, and who to trust. Make friends with your emotions, and they will guide you.

3.Recapture what you chased away: Growing up among people who were not there for you enough, you learned it is best to keep people at a distance. Now you must change your stance, and not only stop pushing people away, but actively pursue relationships with them. Watch for those who seem genuine and trustworthy, and begin to open up to them. Accept that they can bring help and depth and value to your life.

4.Know the unknowable: Are you worth knowing? Perhaps you’ve always thought not. That’s because the people who should know you in the deepest way (your family) hardly know you at all. But the truth is, you are not only worth knowing, you have a responsibility to get to know who you really are. You must learn all that you can about yourself, and then you’ll finally feel yourself standing on a firm foundation.

5.Open the lock: You have coped so far by circling your wagons. Stay within your circle, and you’ll be safer, you’ve believed. You can’t be disappointed if you don’t expect anything. You can’t be let down if you don’t ask. But now you must do the opposite. Unlock your circle and venture out. Do things you wouldn’t normally do, like talk more, ask more, reach out and connect more.Take chances, and explore the possibilities that you’ve been closed to.

[subtle lights]

What if I don't like who I am? Or I associate who I really am with being rejected...How can one actually like who they are when it feels something unacceptable?

[lily245]

Great tips! Thanks for sharing!

Edit: Just read the article. I can recognize myself so much in what she writes! Those feelings were always there growing up, will they listen this time? Is it ok for me to express my feelings today? Can I ask for help with this particular problem? That feeling of never knowing when it was "ok" to do something. It was always a feeling of uncertainty and unease. And I've definitely carried that with me into adulthood. Will I be ok expressing my feelings? Will there be anyone who listens and can comfort me? That's what I'm really trying to work on now, finding that safe space within me. Cause it's important and very vital I think.

[Nammu]

Number one is important.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

What if I don't like who I am? Or I associate who I really am with being rejected...How can one actually like who they are when it feels something unacceptable?

You need to discuss this with a professional and get the guidance and treatment plan designed for you personally. We can's control what other people say or do. But we can address how we respond to them, but that takes tools and support from a therapist to help you find what tools will work better for you.

Some people are just mean, and mean people s____. Once you have those tools and apply them if people still reject you it's time to let the toxic people go out of your life, if possible.Can you identify why people are rejecting you? Is it something you can work on?

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by lily245

Great tips! Thanks for sharing!

Edit: Just read the article. I can recognize myself so much in what she writes! Those feelings were always there growing up, will they listen this time? Is it ok for me to express my feelings today? Can I ask for help with this particular problem? That feeling of never knowing when it was "ok" to do something. It was always a feeling of uncertainty and unease. And I've definitely carried that with me into adulthood. Will I be ok expressing my feelings? Will there be anyone who listens and can comfort me? That's what I'm really trying to work on now, finding that safe space within me. Cause it's important and very vital I think.

Sounds like you have a good idea on where you need to go with this.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Number one is important.

That's not always easy to recognize. Number one is only one, when so many others make you feel differently. But finding that you are important and deserve to be heard is a goal we can all work for.

[Sunflower123]

Thanks for sharing this article. It was eye-opening. Deep down I do think I don't matter. Will be working on this in therapy. Best wishes.

[Trace14]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Thanks for sharing this article. It was eye-opening. Deep down I do think I don't matter. Will be working on this in therapy. Best wishes.

Awesome, keep reaching for that goal and never lose sight of it.

i know what I need to do, but knowing how to do it is at the opposite end of the spectrum. How do you do something that you've never felt and have it be genuine?