dear mom and dad

have you ever wanted to say something to your mom and dad and couldn't for what ever reason?

well say it in here...

dear mom,

why is it that you treated my brother and sister with a lot more respect than you did me?

Why didn't you understand that when I said I wanted to die that I wasn't throwing a fit, but that I felt that way truly?

Why did you call me a sissy when I cried?
Why was I forced to go to church, when you knew at 11 that I didn't believe that way?
Why are you still so adamant that you were always right?
Why is my divorce mostly my fault because I was the one that filed?
Why do I feel like nothing I say truly matters, ever?
Why don't you educate yourselves about my illness instead of just saying "I know what that is" in your authoritative tone?
Why do you believe that I can just snap out of it?
Why did you think my hospitalizations meant I would come home completely better? You sure as hell didn't from yours.
Why am I expected to care for you when you have exercised such little care for my feelings?

I know you resented us for not being girls. You wanted girls, and it wasn't enough that I took an interest in all your hobbies. It wasn't enough that I felt so guilty about being even a little masculine that I never developed classically masculine behaviors, and therefore was picked on endlessly in school.

You made me feel like being a male is a sin I committed against you. You'll never admit this. Instead you'll just keep making passive aggressive comments on the side. I only made peace with myself in this regard when I moved far away.

Why haven't I ran as far and fast as I can? I know the answer. It's because you trained me to feel beholden to you and your illnesses have become my duty. Why don't I go now?

I am sorry you went through so much,
SorryShaped

it is okay to want to say so much.. that's why this thread exists

I am writing my bio, but my family will be prevented from seeing it or knowing it's mine until after my death. It will be a free publication for mental health students/professionals. I do my own psychoanalysis after each thing I'm writing. I'm not using names, including mine, including my ex's.
On my eventual demise, the countdown click begins on my Google accounts and family emails will with the links be sent after the 6 months of inactivity

You were the best and I miss you so much.

it's a neat idea.

something I thought about doing too, a long time ago.

but, for me, it got really hard writing about my childhood.

so stopped.

I don't think I ever intended to publish it, just do it as a personal project

I find it cathartic. I cry like hell every time I work on it, to the point that I have to stop to breathe and clear my eyes to see. When I'm finished with a part, I look at it and think "wow my life's been messed up severely. Glad I'm past that crappy point"

i think that's ashame

what's sad is so many people's lives have been ****ed up by parents, and I know I can't speak for everyone when I say this,

but I wish I could go back.

wish I could change the past..

Dear Mom,

Why did you take your anger out on me?
Why did you hit me when i cried and tell me to grow up?
Didn’t you realize that’s not how the world works?
Why didn’t you care that i wasn’t at school?
That i wasn’t eating?
That i avoided people and only left my room to eat?
Why did my older sister have to physically stop you from hurting me?
Why did you have to beat and lock me up for hours just for speaking out of line?
Why did you think it was alright that you had to get me stitches for throwing a doll house at me?
Why were you angry whenever i started bleeding from your actions?
How can you play the part of pitiful mother with all the things youve done to hurt me?
How can you be so self centered to put your needs above your childrens?
Why didn’t you hug and kiss me when i clearly wanted you to?
Why did you push me away and say “not now”?
How come there is still a small part of me that loves you even though you made me into what i am today?
How come there is a part of me that is absolutely joyed that you got dementia?
When i was taken away from you, why were you upset?
How come you cry and scream that you miss me so much when all you did was hurt me?
Is it so wrong for me to be counting down the days till your death?
That i will be happy to go to your funeral?

Parents

I wish you were able to feel the guilt you should.
I wish you could emotionally feel the enormity of the pain and irreparable harm you caused.
I wish you could see it all in one place, and understand what it says about you.
I wish you could let down your defenses enough to understand how despicable you are.
I wish you could view yourself as society views people like you...

Despicable
Hated
Reviled
Disgusting
Shameful
Unacceptable
Rejected

We all know what happens to people like you in prison.

Dear Mom, why did you go on to have 5 more kids with 5 different men after me?

Dear Mom, why was your alcohol more important than having food in the house?

Dear Mom, why did I miss my childhood because I was the defacto parent to 5 younger siblings?

Dear parental units (and step maternal unit )

When I said I wanted to die, I meant just that, I wanted to die.

I don't understand why I was never "worth it" to you and why you had to lie to me for more than 20 years. And then more lies.

Why did you have to abuse and neglect me?

MOM- Why do you punish me for your childhood? Why do you think its ok to go in and out of my life and I am supposed to "be appreciative you came back around" Why do I owe you an apology for you abandoning me? Why did I never realize you would never change and I still get upset at 30 years old. I still cry when I see your pictures.
DAD- **** you. You did me way wrong, you have no clue about a fathers love. You got a new girlfriend around the time you met me and I became nothing to you just like when I was born.

dear mom:

it would have been so lovely to wish you a happy christmas and to get even just a small card from you.

I don't know why you can't be nice to me, even for just one day of the year

I think it's sad

SS

Dear Dad,

I don’t care that you are old. I don’t care if you end up with something terminal.

You will die without ever seeing me again.

I really hear your pain, hugs to you. With any addiction the substance is #1 above anything else. Childhood emotional neglect takes over our lives and most times we don't have a clue about why we feel the way we do. Go to Dr. Jonice Webb, a pioneer in this subject and come out feeling peaceful and whole.

dear mom,