[Zedsdead]

When I was young my mother berated and hurt me constantly. About 3 years ago when I realized I was in an abusive relationship, I also realized that I was abused and neglected growing up. (I'm 28 now).
This was a game changer for me and my self esteem. I have worked hard on healing myself and living my life without fear... yet my mother is still in my life.

I'm always nice to her, I never assert myself around her. It feels dangerous to do so. I stay away for the most part.. but during family functions, I have to tolerate her.

She is still a terrible person.. she still manages to hurt me with the fact that she basically ignores my children and treats me like I'm an idiot.

I feel I am at a point where I can assert myself and tell her when she is doing these things instead of ignoring the behaviour.

Have you confronted your abuser? Did you choose to ignore the behaviour? Or just completely cut them out of your life?

Looking for experiences and advice. Thank you.

[SorryShaped]

I let the damages be. I tried to confront some of those people but they found a way to use that knowledge to make things worse for me.

[Fuzzybear]

Treating you like an idiot and ignoring your children ... compounding her berating and hurting you constantly when young ...

I speculate she is one of those abusers who is unlikely to change

I think I would confront her and if she uses that against me or completely denies anything I would consider cutting her out of my life.

But cutting a mother, or a maternal unit .. out of our life completely.. very difficult emotionally.

I think what I would actually do is ignore the behaviour if I could.

Occasionally abusers change very late in life. Especially if suddenly confronted by their own mortality which they may have also been in denial of..

As you can tell... I don’t have an answer

PS confrontation hasn’t worked for me .... no need to answer this, I wonder if therapy has helped you? (I have tried therapy ..the therapist was ........ sub optimal ... )

[BettysGranddaughter]

I cut my mom out of my life - actually her whole side of the family is very dysfunctional, so I don't talk to many of them at all anymore.

I'm pretty sure she has a personality disorder. She can't ever even recognize that she's every done anything wrong. She's perpetually the victim, and any time I have tried to confront her, she doesn't get it.

For me, being around her was just constantly reenacting old traumas. I feel much better without her in my life. I have sympathy for her as a person, but I don't see her as a "mom" anymore. Which she never was to begin with.

It's very hard to cut family out of your life, and other people will not understand it, and will try to guilt trip you and make you feel bad. But ultimately, whichever way you choose, you should choose what is best for yourself, and your kids.