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#1
I have dealt with a feeling of deep emptiness all my life. I recently read that this can be caused by childhood emotional neglect. I certainly grew up with that. Just wondering if anyone else has a recurring feeling of emptiness? If so, how do you manage it? Did you ever find a way to let go of it or begin to feel whole or complete? If you have not found something to help, please feel free to share anyway. It's an awful lonely feeling. Not something I feel comfortable discussing in the non-PC world. it would help to hear from others who also feel this way.
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Disreputable Old Troll
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#2
Well... I don't know as there is much of anything I can offer with regard to this. But I noticed no one had replied to this post. So I thought I would.
![]() I guess I don't really know what extreme emptiness would feel like. Because of the various issues I've dealt with all of my life I have lived with what is, perhaps, something that may be similar? I guess I would call it confusion, fear, lack of "belongingness"... never feeling as though I fit in anywhere, never really having any real sense of who I am. ![]() ![]() I also have to say I don't really know as it would be appropriate for me to claim to have been the victim of CEN. Way back when I was young, at least where I grew up, there was no such thing. Children were to be seen & not heard. We just grew up. And whatever happened... happened. It would never have occurred to anyone that there could even be such as thing as CEN. But, then, that could be said of a number of other things that have been relevant to my life as well. ![]() __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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#3
Quote:
I thank you very much for reading and sharing. Your thoughts have helped me...for so long I thought nobody else had such feelings...not persistently anyway. That said, I am also sorry you have felt this way. I wish you didn't! I don't know you well obviously but I follow your posts and I think you're a lovely guy! I am honored that you are one of my PC pals. Peace and hope to you Skeezyks. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Kentucky
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#4
I never fit in anywhere. I feel acceptance when I'm either by myself or during yoga practice. I'm mostly ok with being the weird kid
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Sep 2018
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#5
I am not sure as have times where I’m really sad or depressed and don’t want to feel anything.
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Member Since Apr 2019
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#6
Quote:
One way I overcame it (which I mentioned in my blog in one of my first posts) is by practicing self-validation/self-love. The way you do that is by thinking up, and writing down personality traits that you like about yourself, as well as writing down any talents you have, or any of your achievements, and then asking yourself why you like these things about yourself. So for example: 1. I never give up when it comes to reaching my goals, and I like that about myself because not everyone has that kind of will when they want attain something. Childhood Emotional Neglect happens when your parent(s) invalidate your feelings growing up, perhaps because they thought that if feelings weren't talked about at home, then you would've gotten over your hurt feelings faster, or because avoiding discussing feelings would've prevented rocking the boat (or so they thought). You pretty much grow to be disconnected from your feelings, and invalidating your own feelings, although once you start validating yourself, you also start getting more in touch with your feelings. __________________ Want some tips on overcoming low-self esteem, Childhood Emotional Neglect or improving yourself? Check my blog! ![]() ![]() https://authenticyou93.blogspot.com/ |
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New Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: Salinas, California
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#7
Yep, feeling that right now. I have always had that feeling. That I am living on the edges of society and I don't fit in anywhere. I am an alien. I shouldn't be here but I guess I insisted I have only been able to cope with it so far by acknowledging that there is nothing wrong with my life. I also reminded myself when I was in my manic state of mind to remind myself that reality remains the same and I am the one who has a changing perspective.
It is still a horribly heavy-yet-empty cavernous place (does dark matter have weight)in your being, right in the middle of your chest. When I was younger on the street I would go numb, because that was the most useful for survival mode. But basically I attribute this feeling of emptiness to the many disappointment I suffered as a child. It is the continuous feeling of having been disappointed by the people that you believed should have cared and taken care of you both physically and emotionally. I also have anxiety because of the dread I felt along with the fear of being physically abused. I chastise myself for allowing these thoughts of negativity and self-loathing or just telling myself how much better off I'd be if this, that. or the other thing...and blah, blah, blah. I hold on with the knowledge that as long as I continue I will soon find myself walking down the pleasant road being grateful for everything and smiling on the inside. The depression legs of my journey always seem much longer than the manic ones. It seriously is just a matter of perspective. Unfortunately, I have trouble tapping the happy perspective right now. But this too shall pass... |
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#8
Sometimes sadness feels like emptiness to me.
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#9
I do feel this way too. I deal with it by distracting myself using media, images, reading books, making soap.
I create my own mini world. I never fit in anywhere either. I stopped trying to fit in and I created my own mini world in my home, away from other people. |
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#10
I'd call it saddness/grief. I have a huge scarf and I wrap myself up in it and allow myself an hour of suffering. I'm allowing myself to go through this, but I put limited time. It often overfloods me after talking/meeting my mom as it exegerates the feeling that there should have been love and it's not there.
__________________ Bipolar I Meds: Lamotrigine as mood stabiliser Agomelatine and Sertralin as antidepressant Zopiclonum for sleeping when needed Lectopam to calm down when mixed |
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Member Since Sep 2019
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#11
It's dawned on me recently that I suffer from CEN. I had a disabled mother and an emotionally absent father. I never had any of my negative feelings validated. I see now that it means I have a total inability to deal with negative things. I can't confront and I can't deal with conflict. I have no coping mechanisms to rely on except to freeze or run away.
It's meant that I'm unable to put other people first. As much as I would like the rewarding relationship, it appears unobtainable to me while I continue to struggle with these emotions. Yes it means I'm empty inside and then envy everyone else who appear to have what I don't. Things were compounded when my son took his own life 4 years ago. Intellectually I can process the whole thing but emotionally I feel incapable and this has now resulted in the break down of my relationship with the only person that has ever cared for me and put me first. She stood by me during that whole time but I was unable or incapable of returning her kindness. Instead her pain and struggles became more and more severe and I am painfully aware that I don't have the tools to support and help her like she did for me. I feel a fraud, a failure and OK, yes I also feel like an alien, different from everyone else. It's slowly dawning on me that I would be better off in my own little world, away from normality, where I can be content on my own, without having to constantly think about my CEN. This is not how I thought things would turn out. I didn't think I would feel this way. As a kid, i sort of accepted that I had self esteem issues but thought that they would iron themselves out in the future when I found someone to complete me. It sounds like a whole heap of horses**t now. Sorry, thanks for allowing me to vent Last edited by bluekoi; Sep 19, 2019 at 11:45 AM.. |
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#12
I belong nowhere. I am dead inside.
__________________ Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.... |
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#13
I have ALWAYS felt like a stranger since I can remember. That of course led to extreme bullying towards me, Hugh weight gains as a child and beyond. You
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#14
I often feel empty and do not know how I feel and consider it a huge problem because it limits me socially when I stand there blank-faced and not knowing what to say. It makes me feel less than human and inferior. I used to also feel numb with no emotions but have worked on myself to feel empathy for others.
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#15
I used to feel emotionaly numb, it was like if emotions are dangerous and can hurt. I used to feel everything less intense, because I created a kind of barrier for all the emotions, good or bad. Now that is changing after one year of psycoterapy, and I suffer more now since the feelings got amplified. I became more aware of the things that damaged me, and about the fact I was not loved, and that what I thought love is was just an affection, or need. That is very sad. I wonder sometimes if I can really love someone, and if I can reckognise if someone really loves me. I used to escape from partners that treated me well and that probably loved me, but I just couldn't realise that. On the other hand I was attracted to narcissistic type of men, feeling really in love and wanting to gain their attention. And then I would feel bad for how they treat me, thinking there is something wrong with me and that it's my fault if they treat me wrong (exactly like it happens with my father). In every relationship, I would feel that there is something missing, but I couldn't understand what. And I would go from one relationship to another. It was like searching for someone to fill that emptiness inside of me, but it never worked. Now I'm single, and working on myself. I think that if I manage to overcome that feeling of emptiness, and create a good relationship with myself, I will finally become able to create a good relationship with someone else.
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#16
I hope you're feeling better, SilverTrees. Unfortunately, I have no advice; only a sad experience to share. When I was reading the PC article on CEN, I checked at least 6 of 7 boxes. I haven't been diagnosed with it, but I just feel useless. I have no strengths. I have nothing. Unfortunately, this is a fact more than it is a feeling. And that's especially more frustrating when you want to do everything, but can't do anything.
I hope what's below is atleast relevant to some degree. I've recently started to feel a lot of rage for the stuff my dad says. Yesterday he was talking about me going to Germany about a year after I pass my bachelor's degree for my Master's and his exact words were "You'll go to Germany a year after passing your bachelor's". I responded with a "we'll see" and he kept pushing. This got me very angry. And today, in his plan for a business (he always comes up with some incoherent business idea, which he is spending a lot of money on turning one of our houses into an office. He's lost money like this in the past too, basically daydreaming and stuff. Rent is our only income for now, and we don't even have that right now) he said that at some point, I'll need to take over or at least substitute for him sometimes. As he was saying that only thought running in my head was "If you ever give me the business or the house, I Swear To God I'm either gonna burn it down or tear it down brick by brick". He doesn't even let me use the bike, My Bike, and says that I shouldn't ride it because of my elbow surgery, even after the doctor told me to. I couldn't even use it long before the accident. I missed a long drive with friends because of that. I don't fit in anywhere. And whenever he's around, he snatches the situation away from me. I don't know how to have fun. And I hate myself. Looking back at my childhood and adolescence, I realised this always used to happen. He always used to say stuff like "you don't know how to do this" and when something went wrong when I try, to this day, he says "I knew it". How dare he have the audacity to say that. He makes many more bad decisions than I do, and repeats them with arrogance. When I use something or try something out, he hurriedly comes to me and panics about me ruining that stuff. Like a phone(which I get to know about first) or a camera in my childhood. I was experimenting with the settings a bit, but so was he, in the same childish way.My sister didn't have that problem, so she doesn't have a confidence problem. Whenever something is slightly inconvenient with the computer, he says "what did you do, it's not working right". Last time we went to our mechanic and he was pushing all the switches in the car, some safety related buttons and other stuff, he should not be the one to talk. My sister listened to my parents only when she wanted to, and I was a little opposite to that in my childhood. I would follow it with little question, and the questions I did ask were struck down with my dad saying "because discipline", or stuff like you don't need to do such small stuff (I'm taking about driving and riding a bike).Sometimes I think that if I was smart enough to figure out that it was not true, things would've been different. He keeps changing what he says all the time, I should've known better. Sometimes he says I need to do something exactly the way he says(because discipline) and sometimes he yells "think out of the box" for the same task. Now my sister's word matters much more than mine, and she has more confidence than I do. I don't resent her or anything; I just wish it were different. He says that psychology and psychiatry aren't real. This coming from a person who believes that positions of your stars have the power to affect many aspects of your life. If that can be true, how can events affecting your brain not be true? Last edited by never. happy; May 14, 2019 at 03:40 PM.. |
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#17
I have always felt this way. I had selective mutism as a child and have always felt that I don't belong and that I am not normal. when I look at other people I see normal people and then I remember I am not normal and I don't belong and I am just an outsider and I can't have what others have. I try to change but I am constantly surrounded by negative demeaning people. I have no money to get away.
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#18
If a person grows up in a dysfunctional family they learn to survivie it, and some individuals actually develop some healthier ways of being and understanding things. Often this is what is called "the gifted child". However, what can stay with them is a void they experience that they don't quite know how to articulate or even what it means. There can exist this sense of "aloneness" and not really connecting normally even though a person can be very empathetic and helpful to others. This is what often comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family where it was never really "safe" to experience a connection with another family member, not what is considered a "normal" connection where it's actually safe to experience normal "bonding". That's where this hollow part developed for many who go on struggling and not knowing "how" to fill that empty part.
Last edited by Open Eyes; Jun 10, 2019 at 04:20 PM.. |
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#19
a feeling of deep emptiness— I don’t have this
It’s more this— , fear, lack of "belongingness"... never feeling as though I fit in anywhere, never really having any real sense of who I am. I feel that when I am bored, depressed, or unchallenged. Ironically, I feel I fit in just fine here on PC and have spent more consistent time on here than anywhere! ![]() I was emotionally validated as long as those emotions were the same ones shared by my mother. If they were opposing then I was not allowed to have them. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#20
Quote:
A parent can actually raise their child to become a codependent without even realizing it. Also, can raise their child to become emotionally confused and they look for a presence that can provide some kind of "unhealthy" guidance where they end up living with a person that like the parent is not capable of respecting their emotions. Notice I said "unhealthy", that's what often happens when a person grows up being emotionally neglected because the person has not experienced "normal healthy" so they don't really know what it is or even what it's supposed to feel like. With all our technology that we have now a person can explore different kinds of groups of people and may end up having an "emotional affair" of some kind. It doesn't have to mean an emotional romance either, but instead more about finding others that can listen and hear our emotional challenges, emptiness, needs and fears. And honestly, most people that have their personal emotional challenges, just don't want to keep getting hurt. Quote:
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