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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
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#1
Does anyone else find that being blamed and harshly berated for having feelings isn’t helpful?
How do you help your inner child when they are feeling toxic shame? __________________ |
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Anonymous55879, FearLess47, IceCreamKid, KD1980, Rohag, Thirty shades
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#2
Fuzzy It is NEVER helpful.
For me if it happens I analyze what is said & if there is a shread of truth I persinally take it & analyze & see if a change in me is appropriate regarding the situation that caused the feelings. If not I THROW AWAY anything they said (kinda like flipping them off). The analysis process helps me either way. If they do have valid points I can learn & grow.....OTHERWISE it strengthens my own self-validation ability & I become stronger as me. For me it has nothing to do with inner child.....it has everything to do with adult ME. __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear
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#3
Because of total invalidation and dismissal of my feelings, if they didn’t agree with Mom’s, I became combative. When she was dismissive, I angrily balked. What good did it do me? It just gave me C-ptsd.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear
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Grand Magnate
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#4
Quote:
Anyone berating you for having feelings is pushing away their own guilt. No one wants to hear this, but I'll say it because it is what saved me: walk away. If someone is physically abusing you, call your emergency services. Now. It doesn't matter if you are not bruised and bleeding, call them and ask for the help you need. My "inner child" is dead. I was the walking dead for far too many years. Now I am all adult and I am okay with that. Being an adult lets me make my own decisions for my own well-being. Something to think about. |
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Fuzzybear, KD1980, Thirty shades
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Amyjay, eskielover, Fuzzybear
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Wisest Elder Ever
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Posts: 96,403
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#5
Thanks Ice,
You’re always helpful. Those who tell you otherwise.... maybe... are disdainful and not trustworthy... My inner child isn’t dead. The “adult” me is ..... a labelling therapist (irl) maybe wasn’t completely without “insight” .... but I won’t repeat those cruel words. They weren’t meant to help... It’s sad when “insight” is used to harm. When “adults” violate and blame a child with a shred of “truth” - as if beating a child enough would make them a “better” person. I think not. those of us who have survived such violations and still try to be kind and are basically “good” people deserve respect. Imho. Btw I’ve been dumped again by a t (“therapist”) irl but I’m not surprised. They didn’t seem to know what they were doing. But it still hurts. Quote:
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eskielover, Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#6
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(Not anyone on pc) __________________ |
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Thirty shades
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#7
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eskielover, Thirty shades
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#8
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How do you help your inner child when they are feeling toxic shame? With unconditional love-bombs. For our inners we buy them toys, find little things out in the world that we think they will love, like feathers, pretty stones, we give them soft blankets to snuggle in, and we also give them running commentaries in our head, like we treat them as they should have been treated. |
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Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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Fuzzybear
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Wisest Elder Ever
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Posts: 96,403
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#9
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Thirty shades
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#10
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You're actually incredibly helpful and kind. I just posted a tribute to you (and others) in Kudos and Affirmation. You made me feel a lot better in my thread about parasocial relationships. I'll never forget how comforting your responses were to me. |
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eskielover, Fuzzybear, IceCreamKid, Thirty shades
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IceCreamKid
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#11
My shame is toxic and internalized. I decided at an early age to believe the shame lies of my parents, but then to ignore the remainder of their input into my life. Whats left is an inclination to harsh judgement - what I do wrong makes me a bad person - and there is no one whose approval can make anything feel okay again. I'm in my 40s and like the Phoenix I will rise form the ashes... been saying that for a decade now. Perhaps tomorrow will be the day. God Bless...
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Fuzzybear, KD1980
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Fuzzybear
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#12
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My T studies how the mind works to help us work through the changes we need to make. It was the only therapy after wasted years that actually has helped __________________ Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
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Fuzzybear
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#13
Having feelings, is not helpful....
They over- react to stuff Cause too much pain If they had not been abused I would have found them helpful.... |
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Fuzzybear, KD1980
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Fuzzybear
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