advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Dave787
New Member
Dave787 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: Hull
Posts: 4
3 yr Member
Default Aug 21, 2020 at 12:31 PM
  #1
I don't know if this is the right place to post this but I feel my CEN is linked to my low self esteem and that causes me to feel jealous.

My partner has said a couple of times in passing that someone is handsome. I want to be comfortable enough in myself for it to just be a normal conversation.

I don't lash out or say anything to her because i'm not that type of person and I think I am in the wrong.
When she says those things I feel terrible about myself because I can't help think 'i'm not good enough' or 'she thinks someone else is better than me'

I know I can't trust my mind and my partner is just the best, she is so supportive and caring, I deserve to treat myself better and I want to be better for her.
Dave787 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
MsLady, Nowlosingsanity, Open Eyes, RoxanneToto, SalingerEsme

advertisement
MoxieDoxie
Magnate
 
MoxieDoxie's Avatar
MoxieDoxie trust is a myth and caring is a painful lie
 
Member Since: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 2,741
10 yr Member
365 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 22, 2020 at 05:34 AM
  #2
I struggle with jealousy. My biggest jealousy was of other children even as an adult. I would get so jealous of a child being loved or comforted. It was so uncomfortable for me to see it that I wanted the guardian to hit that child. It was so hard for me to be around children. It was not until I finally got into therapy in my 40's that it subsided.

I never had children because of this and because I could barely take care of myself, I was afraid of myself and my raging, and my constant wanting to kill myself.

__________________
When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
MoxieDoxie is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
RoxanneToto, SalingerEsme
 
Thanks for this!
Nowlosingsanity
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 25, 2020 at 02:04 PM
  #3
I read that this can come from a narcissistic parent that encourages their children to compete for attention. Or has a favorite and ignores the other child or children.

It’s incredible how these deep insecurities develop that can remain a life long challenge.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Nowlosingsanity
Nowlosingsanity
Junior Member
Nowlosingsanity has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 22
3 yr Member
73 hugs
given
Default Dec 22, 2020 at 11:15 PM
  #4
I experience the same issues, struggle from low self esteem and struggle with jealousy. I also wonder if it is due to CEN and my dad always praising my brother and him being the favorite child...Thankfully I have a partner who is willing to work with me. I still feel jealous if my partner cuddles with his sister, niece/nephew, mom...It is really hard for me to see my partner engage with other women, even though I do trust him. I try to remove myself from situations that involve those things happening, or just distract myself so as not to over-think those engagements...Even still I will communicate to my partner afterward that I felt insecure and I need some reassurance. It may help to talk to your partner about how you feel, it could deepen your relationship...
Nowlosingsanity is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Que Sera Sera
Legendary
Que Sera Sera has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2020
Location: johnson city tn
Posts: 11,731 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
6 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Dec 23, 2020 at 12:32 AM
  #5
dont take it as a personal insult. dont automatically jump to defense that it means a one up on in comparison to you. it is simply to be the person is expressing "taste". oh look at that sweater!
isnt it beautiful? simply means my eyes were open, as i was going about my business i happen to catch sight of something worthy of me to comment on.
eww that dress is ugly! doesnt mean in comparison to your dress it means flat out THAT dress, right there is one ugly garment.
beauty is beauty... i see a nice hair style or smell a nice perfume on a women i comment on it to her. it doesnt mean im attracted to her as women to women .. it means she has on a perfume that smells wonderful to me, and meant as a complement to her on her good taste to buy and wear such an exquisite smelling perfume.
try not to let every comment made on something or someone other than you & yours rub you the wrong way.
its only a competition with one winner and the is a looser when 1 of the 2 feels its necessary to prove her & hers are worthy above all others. & that proves nothing except the show of feelings of self centered, santomonious concete,
Que Sera Sera is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
MsLady
Poohbah
MsLady has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,143
3 yr Member
360 hugs
given
Default Apr 25, 2021 at 12:39 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
I read that this can come from a narcissistic parent that encourages their children to compete for attention. Or has a favorite and ignores the other child or children.
Interestingly enough, my siblings who received the most attention growing up are the ones who struggle with jealousy and attention seeking behaviours the most. The ones who were most neglected aren't so much caught up with jealousy.
MsLady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
RoxanneToto
Grand Poohbah
RoxanneToto has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
3 yr Member
6,991 hugs
given
Default Apr 25, 2021 at 12:45 PM
  #7
I struggle with jealousy as well (I mean, I did when I had boyfriends in the past, not so much now). In my case I think it’s because I’m insecure for various reasons.
RoxanneToto is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
MsLady
Poohbah
MsLady has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2020
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,143
3 yr Member
360 hugs
given
Default Apr 25, 2021 at 12:46 PM
  #8
Dave, CEN definitely has a lifelong negative affect. If we believed we weren't good enough for our parents, until we understand their position and depersonalize from it, we will always feel we're not good enough, period.. and mainly to ourselves. We have a deep rooted sense of shame and a lot can trigger our sense of wellbeing.

If your partner is supportive, talk with her about this. It's ok for her to place compliments on others. Maybe use that time to do a little positive self-talk.

Is there something going on in your present life you're not liking? Whatever it is, work on those and keep building your self-esteem. Eventually, you'll be able to separate how your parents treated you from how you trest yourself.. if thst makes sense.
MsLady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
filipendula, RoxanneToto
MickeyCheeky
Legendary
 
MickeyCheeky's Avatar
MickeyCheeky My echo is the only voice coming back
 
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
38.4k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Apr 26, 2021 at 02:10 PM
  #9
So Sorry that you're struggling! Hugs! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about trying to talk to her about this. Try to talk to her about this. Hopefully she will Support you. Perhaps seeing a Therapist may Help as Well. Please do not give up. Sending many safe, warm hugs to ALL of you, @Dave787, your Families, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
MickeyCheeky is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:10 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.