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#1
Admin.: I ran across this article about Childhood Emotional Neglect and thought it might be helpful on this forum. If this is not allowed, please delete, and sorry! Thank you!
24 Signs You Were Emotionally Neglected as a Child | The Mighty __________________ Cdogger76 “Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.” ~Audrey Kitching |
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#2
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#3
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#4
Great post. Now that I know that... what do I do now? 😳 😳 😳
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#6
Thanks for posting this! I recognise a few of these things in myself; not going to say my childhood was utterly terrible but I do think my parents focuses were on the wrong things and I feel I got invalidated a lot. Still do, actually.
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#7
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#8
Thank you for sharing.
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#9
So much of this resonates with me. Though it's a little embarrassing that at age 61 I feel this way. Further that there's a child inside me that's so confused. Maybe it's just part of the PTSD. My first very traumatic experience was around 5 years old. So there's a long history.
__________________ "Caught in the Quiet" |
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#10
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#11
No you didn't I just don't think this particular forum doesn't get a lot of traffic.
It took WELLLL into my adult years to come to terms with the fact I was neglected as a child. I always thought well I was clothed, fed and housed so I wasn't neglected right?? but there is much more to not neglecting your child than just meeting the most basic of needs. I'm sorry your trauma started so young....it is definitely no way to begin life. I'm still learning all the ways that is has and still does affect me. __________________ I think I need help 'cause I'm drowning in myself. It's sinking in, I can't pretend that I ain't been through hell. I think I need help---Papa Roach |
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#12
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__________________ "Caught in the Quiet" |
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#13
Yeah I don't think we ever fully heal from it. IF we are lucky it just gets enough scar tissue over it that it only twinges from time to time. I have been lucky and been able to make a semblance of peace with some of my trauma and then some of it well that's a work still in progress.
__________________ I think I need help 'cause I'm drowning in myself. It's sinking in, I can't pretend that I ain't been through hell. I think I need help---Papa Roach |
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#14
I suffer fro life long depression anxiety and I am in recovery fro alcoholism. For years I was a burning pit of anger as I was so lonely and unhappy. Getting better at controlling my anger but CEN ruined my life. My mum was in and out of mental health facilities for many years. My father was a narcissist who doted on my brother. I was just wall paper. No one noticed or cared. Feel sad for my inner child who is hurting so much still.
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#15
My CEN was a direct result of two factors: 1. The traumatic upbringing my mother endured, sharing a home with an alcoholic and verbally abusive father (my grandfather), and a rather spiky, cold, and distant mother of her own (my grandmother), and, 2. Both my parent's functional alcoholism which arose out of the cocktail culture of the 50's, and stayed as a permanent fixture in their lives . It was their go-to coping system, whenever things got even a little stressful. Before long , it was just a habit for them.
My brother and I suffered the bulk of their neglect. I realized this before I was completely out of my teens. But being so young, I did not have any idea of how it would go on to affect the rest of our lives. I began a course of self-help very casually, on my own, trying to analyze how their behaviours influenced my development and my thinking. I have realized it would probably be a good time for me now, finally (since I can read whole books again and actually retain what's in them), to re-embark on some recommended reading on the topics of both CEN and being the Adult Child of Alcoholic Parents. Any suggestions as to where top locate the first are gratefully accepted (I already have the material for the ACOA aspct of my life). |
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#16
Recommended Reading and Resources for Emotional Neglect
I ran across this on here a few years ago. I hope you find it helpful. __________________ I think I need help 'cause I'm drowning in myself. It's sinking in, I can't pretend that I ain't been through hell. I think I need help---Papa Roach |
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SprinkL3
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#17
I relate to quite a number of points. Now, what do I do?
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SprinkL3
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#18
Thank you for sharing the link and I can relate to most of these points.
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#19
I can relate to most of this. My T has recently reminded me/us that I/we have experienced CEN. My mother was hardly around and never fought to protect me from my abusive father. I love them both, and I understand that they were struggling from their own issues. But it affected us children. My sister is in denial, but my half-siblings (from both my mom's side and dad's side in their previous marriages) are all screwed up from CEN, too. It didn't matter who they married, they all received similar treatments. We're all screwed up in similar and different ways. My father was an alcoholic. I was parentified, yet I fought with my sister all the time. We grew apart and are mutually estranged from one another. I tried to reach out to her during this pandemic, but she refused to have anything to do with me. Like dad did to us, she pits other family members against me. CEN runs much deeper than individual neglect when you have siblings. When siblings are involved, CEN affects sibling relationships, and it also increases the potential for sibling abuse. I lived through constant fights with my sister. I wasn't always innocent, but I wasn't always guilty either. We were so close in age that we never really learned to get along. My mother just passively allowed everything to happen. She turned a blind eye to the abuse that she allowed to happen. She's loving, soft-spoken, and way too submissive. She, too, was a product of child maltreatment. So, I feel sorry that my mother - now in her mid-80s - continues to people-please, and finds her only purpose in life to help others, as if parentification became her lifelong journey. She is supposed to be the one taken care of by my niece, but my unvaxxed niece and her unvaxxed boyfriend decided to have children during the pandemic. They now have two children, and they push off the babysitting duties to their great grandmother (who is vaccinated but not yet boosted because my antivaxxing family doesn't see it as a priority to take her to get her shots). My sister, who is vaccinated but not boosted, traveled many times to see our mother, who could have risked her life. I remain really upset, and there's nothing I can do about it. The emotional abuse continues over and over again. And it worsened during this pandemic! I wished I had severed ties with my entire family. It's hard to let go of the tie with my mother, because I do love her and worry for her health. I love her, despite her inability to love me the way I had wished. But I'll take whatever love she has to offer. The guilt becomes more severe as she ages, yet I feel even more depressed by the betrayal traumas as I age with no legacy, with crippling disabilities, and with the kind of loneliness that CEN brought about. Anything that life stressed me out with brought about my CEN to remind me that I was nothing, that I didn't matter, that I was hated, that I was just a rag doll for others to use and abuse. Any self-esteem I had, any confidence I had, was immediately shot down whenever familiarity with my childhood was retraumatizing my adulthood. CEN is a sore subject for me and my DID system. We all struggle in different ways - all different parts of me, who were largely created because no one cared enough to care enough as a parent. We had to become our own parents. Self-care reminds us of those trauma triggers, which is why self-care is bitterly painful - an oxymoron, if you will. |
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#20
Sorry for the typos in my last entry here. I remember being pretty tired the night I wrote that.
And thank you for the recommendation, RaindropVampire. |
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