how do you handle christmas?

my mother never gave me a proper one.

santa never came and I never spent christmas with family (they didn't want me) to my house
I had a couple of my old tradditions: like watching the muppet's christmas carol christmas eve, and eating a buffet christmas eve which I still stick too

but it's also so depressing too because I spend christmas alone, and I can't help shed a tear for all the experiences I never had with my family at christmas (everytime I settle down to watch the muppet's, it really hits home most)

😢I’m sorry it was this way for you.
Sincerely
Bethanyrose

thanks, me too.

their are so many christmas experiences I never got to do

for example: leaving cookies out for santa, and waking up the next day to find nothing but crumbs

or sitting around a twinkly christmas tree with loved ones opening gifts and being cheerful

sucks..

Christmas can be such a challenging or difficult time for many. I honestly think there are lots of people who are alone or unhappy at Christmas.

I havent got this all worked out yet but one year went better for me when I treated myself to a proper meal with trimmings within my budget instead of snacking.

Other things that come to mind are reading a new or favourite book. Purchasing a new Christmas cd or listening to a radio station...sometimes I like to listen to k-love.

Other gifts to self could include something new to wear that's super comfortable.

Ways to reach out for company or social connection can include stopping by forums, going to a church service even if not a regular, sending messages using whatsapp and calling up someone to wish them a happy christmas.

I think preparation helps a lot, so having a plan pencilled in that you look forward to as well as making the effort to send cards by mail a few weeks ahead can really make a difference.

If you really want to get out some charities do Christmas meals either to join in with or to help out at.

Also what would be a treat for your inner child??

I have heard of K-Love.

I'm sure someone mentioned it to me a while back.. is it a good station?. what sort of things do they play when it's not christmas (I am always looking for new things to listen to!)

honestly, the thing I think my inner child would want to do most at christmas is to build a snowman, but for that, you'd obviously need snow (and we've not a white christmas here in a long while)

I need to live in alaska. it snows their lots lol

Hi I’m going through a journey just now where I’m learning it’s ok to grieve for things you didn’t have as a child then a process of grieving for them, and letting them go (not sure how easy that will be but I’m determined to give it a go!). I wonder if you could start some new traditions for yourself which are just yours? And they could be whatever you wanted them to be and they should be things that make you happy. Also good to check the local situation for company on Christmas Day as there will others in the same situation who would equally be glad of your lovely company. You could give your inner child a real treat and go where there is snow one weekend and build that snowman! (If travel is allowed where you are currently) wishing you the best of luck

It's been a little while now but it used to have some really positive news stories . It's a Christian station in the US. There are lots of others.

You could always try making a model out of clay that hardens and can be painted? Or maybe you've got other materials at home?

Alternatively that spray snow can look effective on panels of glass to make pictures. I'm not sure how easy it is to clean up though.

Oddly enough, Christmas was one of the best and most 'normal' times in our home. Thankfully, the Holidays did not start to get weird and painful until after my Mom passed away when I was in my twenties. It was then that a lot of cracks started to show, and the family slowly started to disintegrate and disappear.

For me, Christmas has been a difficult time for the last 16 years (ever since just before my depression started to get very bad). During those years of great loss and deep inexpressable sorrow, Christmas was actually physically painful---full of very triggering associations, whole blocks of lost time because of emotional anguish, and countless stress headaches.

Thankfully, I've been a bit better in the last few years, and I've tried to make it something nice (if small and manageable) for husband, myself, and my mother-in-law the last few seasons. It's just us, so the overwhelming aspects of it have been gotten under control.

I am glad that you seem to have it under control now and you try to make it special

what are your favorite things to do? (how do you like to make it special?)

your post reminds me of the time I was in hospital over christms, and the nurses tried their best to make it special.. play music, have a raffle, do gifts..

that said I don't want to do that again. christmas on a ward isn't all that

Christmas Day is usually really nice in our house, to be honest. Though when my dad was alive he usually tried to ruin the atmosphere in December - he was very “bah humbug!” but as my mum pointed out to him, he liked getting presents and eating the food, drinking etc, so actually didn’t really have a reason to hate it as such. Then again, he liked spoiling family gatherings if he could.

Dear Roxanne Toto, I am so sad to hear this. Humbugs didn't get much respect in our house. But the way my folks did Christmas, a humbug would be caught up in the lighter, airier mood that prevailed, regardless.

Christmas was small when we were kids, but between all the great meals and little things like seeing the tree lit for the first time, playing the big old family music box, etc., Christmas seemed so much bigger that it was. We thought it was a regal feast. We were allowed sweets and treats we didn't usually get unless it was a big holiday. And dear family and neighbours made several Christmasses really special by simply dropping by with plates of cookies or pies. The TV was off---it was time for conversations and games and stories.

To answer Raging Vortex's question:

My Dad was very generous by nature. He did Christmas especially well. So I studied his methods of extracting "gifts-wished-for" info, and model myself on that, although in smaller ways because I do not have the money he did. I try my best with my puny budget, and it usually turns out pretty well, as cleverness and stealth can go a long way in buying prezzies.

So, I watch through the year, and pay attention to , oh say, movies or music that husband refers to as favourites, desserts or cookies he or other people especially love (in his case, it's old-fashioned golden fruit cake, and oatmeal raisin cookies) . I make sure husband has all the right clothes that he prefers to wear for his job (it's outdoors, and it's physical, and he is hard on clothes). I try to work in as many homemade touches as I can (cards, artwork, little decorations that meant a lot to him as a kid. We get my M-i-l her favourite little Hallmark collectible ornaments, even though now she is in a nursing home and no longer does the tree thing, obviously. She still loves to see them in her room.

We are fortunate enough to live not far from Niagara Falls, so I keep trying to talk everybody into doing the festival of Lights drive every year. It's such a pretty sight in the Winter. A peek at some great photos of it all: niagara falls festival of lights 2020 - Google Search

It's also the one time of year I consider my house open and available at the drop of a hat to visitors. I don't do so well with surprise walk-throughs at other times, but at Christmas, I guess it's the warmth and selflessness of the season that helps me relax a bit and free myself of the social anxiety fetters long enough to have people stop by for a while. I make sure to keep people's favourite bevvies and treats on hand, just in case.

Compared to some people, I know it doesn't sound like much. I got talking to a fellow I befriended at a local thrift shop last year, and he was practically crowing about what he spends on his kids every year, "to make their dreams come true", as he put it. He essentially goes into debt, he confessed! I was a bit surprised but he seemed to want everyone in the store that day to know about it. So, people do Christmas in different ways.

Dad also made a big deal out of feeding everybody. And friends and significant others were always made welcome at that time of year. Dad did the majority of the cooking and baking---he LOVED being in the kitchen. He started by prepping some things in early December and freezing it. And he was phenomenal at it. He wasn't happy until everyone was groaning that they've over-done it a bit. And I'm a bit like that.

I am now the owner of that big, grand music box. I wind it up when I'm decorating the tree, take time to change the disks, enjoy some tea and maybe treats and chocolates, and pretend both my folks and my brother are back in the room with me. (I'm welling-up, typing this. Worry not; it's a good kind of sad.) This is a taste of what the music box sounds like; it FILLS the house with beautiful sound: (Jump ahead to 1:32, and hear all 3 songs) (this music box and these disks, and 7 more, are the same ones I'm so familiar with.)

This should give you a better picture of the good stuff from our Holidays and why it could even be a little magical, in spite of everything.

As I mentioned, I've only been able to get back into it all over the last couple of years. I was far too depressed to plan ANYTHING, even a simple Christmas, for the longest time (over 10 years).

There should be no pressure on anyone who is hurting to either partake or perform big miracles, at any time of year.

GIANT hugs to people who have a tough time at Christmas and other holidays. I have been there; I know it very well.