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unpolar
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Default Apr 12, 2021 at 03:15 AM
  #1
I developed depression right after finishing school last year and when trying to figure out what caused it I started to question some stuff that happened at home and it slowly dawned on me that the way my parents treated me (and still do) might actually qualify as emotional abuse and neglect respectively.
The thing is, I don't think others will see it that way. That if I try opening up about it everyone will just tell me that I'm oversensitive and that these are normal issues between children and parents. Everyone always thinks that everything is my fault and that its understandable that my father gets upset with me. A common theme is that I get accused of playing dumb or doing something on purpose or because I'm being defiant when the truth is that I really sometimes just don't know things or maybe just ain't a very practically thinking person. It upsets me that everyone thinks that it's completely warranted that my father criticises and insults me over things that I don't do on purpose and cannot change.
The prospect of seeing a therapist scares me because I think they might too might tell me that I'm the problem and that I'm unjustifiably putting the blame on my parents and that it's completely ok how they treat me. I know that would mess me up even more. I just feel invalid and misunderstood and it seems futile to reach out at all because maybe it is my fault and I just can't see it.
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Default Apr 12, 2021 at 09:48 AM
  #2
Hi @unpolar - welcome to MSF My Support Forums. I am sorry you have childhood incidents that have affected you. You are not alone. For me the question is "What now?"

Support groups have helped and I find therapists that I work with are very compassionate and understanding. If you did find one that said it was your fault, then that sounds like that therapist would not be a good fit. Try another one.

Some people find peer support like MSF helps them too. Hope you get the support you need.

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Default Apr 27, 2021 at 09:57 AM
  #3
I understand what you feel. I can relate to the feelings of being blamed for something you do not do on purpose. My parents are the last person I go to for support, because I know they will blame me.

One thing I know for sure, is that the way I felt when my parents treated me is genuine. It doesn't matter if it was not "a big deal" in the eyes of someone else. My emotions are valid just because they are. So if I felt "abused" by something it was indeed abusive--to me. Whether someone else does not take it that way does not change the fact that I felt it that way.

And this is where my path to healing started, being ok with emotions, accepting what they are, and doing something (like therapy) to feel differently.
I think most therapist would agree with the validity of feelings.
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Default Jun 27, 2021 at 09:33 PM
  #4
Man I used to deal with that so hard. I still do a little, but what made it better for me was when I went no contact with my parents and everyone else that would question my feelings (all my friends). Trying to figure out our feelings is hard enough, we don't need people in our lives who are going to make us second guess our own thoughts.
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Default Jun 28, 2021 at 02:34 AM
  #5
The “blame game” and shutting people up by telling them they’re “too sensitive” are certainly both real things. My mum, I think, tried her best to raise my brother and me under difficult circumstances so I hate saying it but she’s acted very similarly towards me. I feel kind of distant from her now, which is partly because of not knowing what kind of support, if any, I’d get when I had an issue.
I’ve been blamed for stuff I technically couldn’t have done/caused (she once implied my new car nearly got T-boned at a junction because I drive “too fast”, not because the other driver wasn’t paying attention and missed me by a couple of inches. Being able to control other cars would be a brilliant power to have, not gonna lie, but sadly I can’t! )
It really doesn’t matter whether anyone else would disagree that this was neglect or abuse. Your opinion on how it impacted you is really what counts. A good therapist would validate and help you, so don’t discount seeing one if you still want to talk to someone.
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Default Jul 08, 2021 at 07:34 PM
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