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cureav
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Red face Jul 04, 2021 at 07:52 PM
  #1
Hi there,
I was interested in hearing if someone understands or feel this way now in their adult life.
I moved away from my family of origin home six years ago and I feel that that was the last thing I wanted badly to do. Feeling that my parents were my only future was killing me, no other plans in life.
Once my older sister in distress said: I need to move away from you (parents) and take 5 years alone on my own to connect with myself again and my wishes in life!
I felt exactly the same way, but didn't understand then.
Now I'm there, on my own independent, but still no plan, no goal, no enthusiasm about anything... pure nihilism.
I feel sad that my time passes and there's no real joy about something. I look at my friends who have kids and think how little time in a day they have for themselves which leaves them also not so happy.
Depression?
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Default Jul 05, 2021 at 10:39 AM
  #2
Have you ever wondered why parents would need to do that to a child? What did it mean for them?

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Default Jul 05, 2021 at 11:00 AM
  #3
I’m feeling similar, only just started realising recently because of the counselling I’ve been having. I’ve never been hugely encouraged to go for further education or training for a career, while my brother was. I don’t like saying it, but I often still get treated like I’m a child by my mum and there’s been a subtle, but pervasive sense of my parents needing to control others in the family, if that makes sense?
I still live with her at 38, but I’m looking at moving out this year if I can. I need my own life and not to worry about being allowed to make my own choices. Like you I don’t have a huge, specific plan beyond that but I will figure out what else I want and make it happen.
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Default Jul 05, 2021 at 01:34 PM
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Originally Posted by pachyderm View Post
Have you ever wondered why parents would need to do that to a child? What did it mean for them?
I would like to know what you think.
Maybe to have that child by their side in old age...
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Default Jul 05, 2021 at 01:48 PM
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there’s been a subtle, but pervasive sense of my parents needing to control others in the family, if that makes sense? .
Saying that... I think they have huge need to maintain family hierarchy of respect where they are on the top and if someone shake that idea and image, they need to bring it back. The oldest needs to mean the smartest and most respected, even they (some of them) didn't read a single article or a book on family relationships and dynamic.
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Default Jul 06, 2021 at 08:51 AM
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I would like to know what you think.
Maybe to have that child by their side in old age...
My thought about parents mistreating children is that they are revenging themselves on someone (probably their own parents) -- but miss the real target.

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Thumbs up Jul 06, 2021 at 02:51 PM
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My thought about parents mistreating children is that they are revenging themselves on someone (probably their own parents) -- but miss the real target.
Makes sense
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Default Jul 08, 2021 at 05:55 PM
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My thought about parents mistreating children is that they are revenging themselves on someone (probably their own parents) -- but miss the real target.
I agree with this, these are my thoughts also

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