I guess this is where adoption would go.

RoxanneToto · Sep 29, 2021 at 06:28 PM

I can certainly see why it’s still such a big issue for you. It’s natural that you’d still want people to connect with on that deep, intimate and caring sort of level, and with your upbringing, not feel like you’re able to find it, because it wasn’t being given by your family. Some people just shouldn’t be parents, really.
Is seeing a therapist something you’d be open to, if you’re not already?
You might find the books The Body Keeps the Score, Running On Empty and What’s Love Got to Do With It? useful.

Sep 30, 2021 at 06:30 AM

my mom abandoned me on a train and never looked back.

since that insodent she's basically thrown the book at me (physical abuse, emotional insults,) everything she can to hurt me- even banning me from my own grandmother's funeral using the words, well, why would she want you their?

Possible trigger:

one time I was in hospital, she even told the nurse on duty I was better off dead, it would make her life easier

I have not spoken to my family for years, in fact: I don't even know where they are. last I heard they all fled to africa to start a new life

I've thought about adoption several times, but I'm a young adult woman with a lot of emotional stuff going on

I think it's a little too late for a mother's love..

out the window · Sep 30, 2021 at 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

my mom abandoned me on a train and never looked back.

since that insodent she's basically thrown the book at me (physical abuse, emotional insults,) everything she can to hurt me- even banning me from my own grandmother's funeral using the words, well, why would she want you their?

Possible trigger:

one time I was in hospital, she even told the nurse on duty I was better off dead, it would make her life easier

I have not spoken to my family for years, in fact: I don't even know where they are. last I heard they all fled to africa to start a new life

I've thought about adoption several times, but I'm a young adult woman with a lot of emotional stuff going on

I think it's a little too late for a mother's love..

Welcome to the thread.

It's hard isn't it, when that familial love isn't there? That's supposed to be the one safe place we can instinctively run to when we need to. Everything that lives needs one safe place to go, and when there just isn't one, it's like, there's no place to rest, to recharge, to break down if you need. That gets exhausting.

Oct 01, 2021 at 05:00 AM

out the window, do you mind if I ask where you got your username from?

ever since I saw it, I keep thinking of the nursery ryme on the dr demento show- a very underrated one, at that

have I finally found someone who knows who dr demento is?. hmm

out the window · Oct 01, 2021 at 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

out the window, do you mind if I ask where you got your username from?

ever since I saw it, I keep thinking of the nursery ryme on the dr demento show- a very underrated one, at that

have I finally found someone who knows who dr demento is?. hmm

Nothing much to tell. When I signed up, all the obvious things like "so tired" and "trying hard" were taken. I knew I was going to have to come up with something less likely to be the first thing everyone would think of. I was thinking about, staring out the window, and that song from Dear Even Hanson popped into my head. The rest is, as they say, history.

Backstory out of the way, of course I know who Dr Demento is. My 2nd husband gave me a set of his four disk greatest hits collection for our first anniversary.

"After 'the incident' with the girl guides..."

Oct 02, 2021 at 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by out the window

Nothing much to tell. When I signed up, all the obvious things like "so tired" and "trying hard" were taken. I knew I was going to have to come up with something less likely to be the first thing everyone would think of. I was thinking about, staring out the window, and that song from Dear Even Hanson popped into my head. The rest is, as they say, history.

Backstory out of the way, of course I know who Dr Demento is. My 2nd husband gave me a set of his four disk greatest hits collection for our first anniversary.

"After 'the incident' with the girl guides..."

I'm so glad you know who he is. he's so fun

out the window · Oct 02, 2021 at 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I'm so glad you know who he is. he's so fun

Parody music is one of my favorite things. Has been ever since I heard Weird Al's Eat It, at a roller rink, at 14, back when it was still at the top of the charts.

I know, I just dated myself.

out the window · Sep 30, 2021 at 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I can certainly see why it’s still such a big issue for you. It’s natural that you’d still want people to connect with on that deep, intimate and caring sort of level, and with your upbringing, not feel like you’re able to find it, because it wasn’t being given by your family. Some people just shouldn’t be parents, really.
Is seeing a therapist something you’d be open to, if you’re not already?
You might find the books The Body Keeps the Score, Running On Empty and What’s Love Got to Do With It? useful.

I would love to be back in therapy. I think I desperately need it. However, small town, limited options, no insurance, no health coverage, and as an added bonus, mild agoraphobia. I was actually looking for some kind of online resources when I found this forum and thought I'd give it a try.

I'm also starting to get a bit nervous. Stuff starts coming out, and I realize that my life reads like a Dicken's novel. Bad start in childhood lead to bad relationships and it all just kept spiraling out of control. At that point, I start to worry that people will think I'm making it all up for attention. I mean, it's what I would think.

And, OMG, minor breakthrough. That's what I heard as a kid if I ever had an emotion-Quit looking for attention.

Yeah, I'd love to have a trained professional help me through this process, if I can find any way to actually make t happen.

RoxanneToto · Oct 01, 2021 at 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by out the window

I would love to be back in therapy. I think I desperately need it. However, small town, limited options, no insurance, no health coverage, and as an added bonus, mild agoraphobia. I was actually looking for some kind of online resources when I found this forum and thought I'd give it a try.

I'm also starting to get a bit nervous. Stuff starts coming out, and I realize that my life reads like a Dicken's novel. Bad start in childhood lead to bad relationships and it all just kept spiraling out of control. At that point, I start to worry that people will think I'm making it all up for attention. I mean, it's what I would think.

And, OMG, minor breakthrough. That's what I heard as a kid if I ever had an emotion-Quit looking for attention.

Yeah, I'd love to have a trained professional help me through this process, if I can find any way to actually make t happen.

I get what you’re saying; it sounds like you’re carrying some toxic shame (thinking people would think you’re looking for attention by talking about your childhood); it’s not your fault, what happened, but it is very common for people to absorb the feelings other people should have been responsible for. Therapy might not be a viable option for you right now, but I will say a good T wouldn’t think you were making this up for attention.
I think (some) people who use the attention seeker label might be uncomfortable/helpless when confronted with other people’s issues, in the moment at least, and they want those feelings to go away so end up dismissing you, instead of maybe taking a step back and admitting they don’t know how to help.
All that to say your feelings are valid and deserve to have your problems listened to.
Sorry for the essay

out the window · Oct 01, 2021 at 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I get what you’re saying; it sounds like you’re carrying some toxic shame (thinking people would think you’re looking for attention by talking about your childhood); it’s not your fault, what happened, but it is very common for people to absorb the feelings other people should have been responsible for. Therapy might not be a viable option for you right now, but I will say a good T wouldn’t think you were making this up for attention.
I think (some) people who use the attention seeker label might be uncomfortable/helpless when confronted with other people’s issues, in the moment at least, and they want those feelings to go away so end up dismissing you, instead of maybe taking a step back and admitting they don’t know how to help.
All that to say your feelings are valid and deserve to have your problems listened to.
Sorry for the essay

That's part of it. The other part is, nobody has a run of bad luck like this. It's just so much. Some of it was bad choices on my part, and some, one thing leads to another. But some of it was just "stuff happens" kind of things. And I totally get that any reasonable person would suspect that it's attention seeking. Like I said, I would think it was attention seeking if I heard it.

I do think my mom, and maybe my dad, couldn't deal with emotion. Honestly, I'm not great at it either. That's one of the things that caused me no end of trouble with my middle daughter. She's very high strung, goes to tears over anything and everything, and I never knew how to handle it properly. Happily, we began reconnecting about a year and a half ago, and that issue is one of the things we've been able to talk honestly about.

Now me, yeah, I can't cry anymore. I literally can not force myself to do it. I might tear up a little, if things are really extreme, but I am just so tired of crying that I think I may have put up a mental block or something.

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I guess this is where adoption would go.

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Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 01, 2021 at 05:00 AM #4 out the window, do you mind if I ask where you got your username from? ever since I saw it, I keep thinking of the nursery ryme on the dr demento show- a very underrated one, at that have I finally found someone who knows who dr demento is?. hmm
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