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Hope Mikelson
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Default Nov 19, 2021 at 06:43 AM
  #1
Hello All

I want to discuss anger, insecurity, loneliness, low self esteem and depression maybe. I have been an angry child and an angry adult currently. What I presume from my life events that as I rarely ever had been given the authority to make my own decisions (few major ones as well), always abandoned and pushed to a corner naming me to be a over-sensitive/ stubborn/angry child, behaving like I didn't exist whenever there were mood swings, labelling difficult, slowly drifting away from my cousins, changing school and then totally unable to adapt to new environment and again finding myself not understood etc...the anger has built up over time and I find myself always angry, not able to understand how to remedy the situation. I feel wronged and cornered most of the times and others behave differently, cutting me out at places.

Even my spouse ended up to be a narcissist. I feel helpless at times. The rage within eats me up .. I am not sure what I am looking for but surely feel like running away. As for therapy and doctors it's almost useless in my locality. I turn to books and videos at times to calm myself down and think that it's going to be okay.

What's your story.. how do you tackle? Does leaving the environment which has been source of anger calm the nerves?
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Yaowen
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Default Nov 19, 2021 at 12:05 PM
  #2
I also have anger issues so I can definitely empathize with you! In my case, my constant anger was really preventing me from having any peace of mind and joy of living.

A psychiatrist helped me quite a bit. From him I learned that anger is about expectations. A person expects something to happen or not to happen and if their expectation is not realized, then anger is the result.

People with very few expectations are seldom angry. People with very many expectations are very angry much of the time. He helped me to understand that this is the key to reducing anger and becoming a happier person.

According to him, a person can learn to lower his or her expectations.

An expectation is something that is more than a wish but a little less than a demand.
For example, when I am out in public I meet people who are behaving in a rude way. This can make me angry if I "expect" people to always be polite and kind.
Are rude people "making me angry"? No. It is my expectation about people that is behind my anger.
A "wish" is softer than an expectation. I can "wish" that people were less rude and then when they are rude, it is just a wish that didn't come true. Anger comes from expectations.

I originally argued with this psychiatrist. I told him that I have a right to be angry. He told me: "Then you have to decide whether you are going to hang on to being right and be angry all the time or whether you are going to lower your expectations so that you can have some inner peace and joy of living."

This helped me a lot and I am gradually becoming a less and less angry person.

Things are going to break. Things are going to go wrong. People are going to behave badly including me sometimes. But I don't "expect" that to change. I wish it were different. But I don't expect it. And that frees me from the terrible anger and rage that ruins my life.

This helped me a lot. Of course I realize that what helps one person might not work for someone else. I can only share what has helped me.

I hope you are able to get many responses to your post and many ideas of what has helped other people with anger. I wish you all the best!
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Thanks for this!
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Hope Mikelson
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Default Nov 19, 2021 at 12:38 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yaowen View Post
I also have anger issues so I can definitely empathize with you! In my case, my constant anger was really preventing me from having any peace of mind and joy of living.

A psychiatrist helped me quite a bit. From him I learned that anger is about expectations. A person expects something to happen or not to happen and if their expectation is not realized, then anger is the result.

People with very few expectations are seldom angry. People with very many expectations are very angry much of the time. He helped me to understand that this is the key to reducing anger and becoming a happier person.

According to him, a person can learn to lower his or her expectations.

An expectation is something that is more than a wish but a little less than a demand.
For example, when I am out in public I meet people who are behaving in a rude way. This can make me angry if I "expect" people to always be polite and kind.
Are rude people "making me angry"? No. It is my expectation about people that is behind my anger.
A "wish" is softer than an expectation. I can "wish" that people were less rude and then when they are rude, it is just a wish that didn't come true. Anger comes from expectations.

I originally argued with this psychiatrist. I told him that I have a right to be angry. He told me: "Then you have to decide whether you are going to hang on to being right and be angry all the time or whether you are going to lower your expectations so that you can have some inner peace and joy of living."

This helped me a lot and I am gradually becoming a less and less angry person.

Things are going to break. Things are going to go wrong. People are going to behave badly including me sometimes. But I don't "expect" that to change. I wish it were different. But I don't expect it. And that frees me from the terrible anger and rage that ruins my life.

This helped me a lot. Of course I realize that what helps one person might not work for someone else. I can only share what has helped me.

I hope you are able to get many responses to your post and many ideas of what has helped other people with anger. I wish you all the best!
Thanks a lot.. I guess the knowledge here opened my eyes somewhat.. however, not sure how much I will be able to expect.. would require a lot of practicing I guess
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