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Trace14
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Default Feb 23, 2022 at 09:30 PM
  #1
My mom and I have had a complex relationship since I can remember. I developed boundaries to keep her from getting to me emotionally. Now she has cancer and being hateful, but I don't know if that's part of the cancer. Should I just drop all the boundaries and try to ride it out?

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Default Feb 24, 2022 at 11:12 AM
  #2
I understand where you are coming from. My mother and I have never had an easy relationship and she has become increasingly bitter towards me over the years because I live the life I want, not the one that she wants for me. I live on another continent with my husband and our pets and haven’t been to my home country for ages. I definitely keep up my boundaries. I discovered that the less I tell her about what is going on in my life the better. If I open up, all I get is criticism.

Over the last several years she had a stroke, cancer (successfully removed with surgery) and is having memory issues. I did make a few attempts to reach out to her but gave up after she didn’t reciprocate. She seems to have farmed out handling the “difficult child” to my father.

My one concession has been occasional family Zoom calls since the pandemic began. I am starting to think that I don’t even want to do those anymore. All she does is scowl at me when I talk and sneers, “how many dogs do you have?” I don’t think she particularly enjoys it either. On top of that, I am pretty upset at my sister and father who knew my uncle/godfather died a year ago and never bothered to tell me. So, I may take a break. I guess Mothers’ Day will be the next time my sister (the golden child) tries to arrange something.

She had a pretty cushy life, but has always had this negative, bitter side, even before her health issues. I will never understand why.

I imagine you have serious reasons for creating those boundaries. Only you can decide, but it seems like letting them down is not the best idea, especially if she is being so hateful.

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