A "Normal" Interaction

Hi everyone,

It is my first day posting on these forums. I'm struggling with my emotions and find that maybe it is a symptom of CEN, but I often hear a part of myself saying that my emotional reaction is too strong for the event that prompted it. Maybe this is just another version of the words I heard all too often when I was young - that I was "too sensitive." This post is a typical "normal" interaction that causes a lot of feelings of confusion, hurt, and exhaustion in me.

Today my mom e-mailed me out of the blue to let me know she has been thinking a lot about it and that she doesn't want me to send her a mother's day or birthday gift. She didn't give any explanation of why that is - I have to guess the reasons. I typically send her flowers. I think maybe she's concerned about my ability to save money - she has worried about that my whole life.

I feel rejected - I typically keep my mom at a large distance but this is one way I feel like I can be a good daughter while maintaining my emotional boundaries. Honestly I'm kind of relieved, but the feeling of rejection still hurts and brings to mind many other little rejections over the course of my life. Actually it seems many times she reaches out, her opening remark is some type of little rejection. I think this is a defense mechanism but it's tiring to process. My heart hurts.

I don't really want to ask the reasons why because I'm afraid that will open up a can of worms of criticism as it has in the past. Sometimes I feel sick with anxiety over those types of conversations. I just don't like living in this kind of fear of communication and hurt feelings. Better to seek out other more reliable sources of joy.

Welcome! I don't think you were being ''too sensitive''... I have heard those words about me many times, especially when growing up. I'm not really an expert in what a ''normal'' interaction would be. I think you're posting in the ''right'' forum here, its a bit quiet sometimes but there are others here (including me) who experienced emotional neglect while growing up. It does still impact us today, I think that is ''normal''... There is definitely hope of improvement and even recovery (not sure what the latter would look like but still..)

I can relate to what some might think are ''normal'' interactions causing confusion, hurt and exhaustion in me.

My mother has not been a reliable source of joy for me. I've often felt rejected (often been rejected) by her...

Thanks for posting!